Adults - How do you "take it slow" in a relationship?

Question

I'm 30 years old and pregnant with my first. The "donor" decided from day 1 that he wanted nothing to do with this child, so I sent him on his merry way and have been fine about the entire situation. I believe freaking out over it would only cause the whole pregnancy to be negative so I've kept a positive mind-frame and have had tons of support from family and friends. I work full time as an assistant in the financial business and when she is born my mom will be my daycare, so I am definitely blessed.

I had a big shock though. I was asked out by an OLD friend... initially, I declined (what pregnant girl dates)?? But than after a little persistance, I decided to go out with him. He's a single father of 2 and is a really nice guy. Things are moving pretty quickly though, and I've been going with the flow. At first, I questioned if I enjoyed his company because maybe I was lonely? But that's not it, he's a genuine, nice, smart guy that has been nothing but amazing to me. I've met his kids.... he's gone to an ultrasound with me and things seem to be moving RIGHT along.

Last night my mom stressed to me that I was moving WAYYY too fast with him and needed to "concentrate" more on my pregnancy (which I believe is not the complete truth - ALL I think about is my baby and my excitment of bringing her into this world). But a part of me believes that maybe she's right, I should slow it down with him. So I explained everything to him last night and he completely understood and said he was going nowhere and would be here for me and give me whatever space I needed. We have been talking about a future and so I tol dhim I needed to focus on the present and stop looking towards the future with him right now. I also told him that I wanted to keep things at a steady pace at least until the baby is born.

My question is - HOW do I slow it down? I know this may seem juvenile but what do I do? Stop talking to him every day (he lives 2 hours away so we talk on the phone a lot and see eachother about twice a week).

Help!

Answer 1

Firstly, Congratulations mommy to be!

I think especially now that you are pregnant, your hormones are taking you on a ride.. The excitement of having a baby, mixed with dating again!

He sounds like a nice guy, what guy this day and age would start dating a pregnant woman.. no offence to you! From what I hear and read, they tend to run miles away the other direction! He does seem like a genuine guy.

Your mom might be right to say that you should concentrate on your baby, take it easy, but that does not mean stop seeing him completely. Maybe just be honest with what you are feeling and explain to him how you really feel, and that he can only be a best friend for now, unless you want more than that!

Whatever it is, as he has said to you, he will be there for you when you need him. I think such a man is somewhat of a rare kind! So treasure it! The best relationships work because couples are buddies, best mates, confidants... so Good luck! Hope all work out for you and your new baby, and maybe new daddy for your bella!

Answer 2

first : congratulations on the baby wow i cant wait to have my first :)

second: u cant start doing stuff more i mean more hobbies shop for baby stuff go to one of those baby exercise thing see more friends and that will make u wont be there to talk all the time.

third : try to make it only one long phone call , make it at night so u can tell him what happened in the day and trust me the call will get shorter day after day

fourth and last : i know u didnt ask about that and it may sound rude but take care coz his kids might not like that there is a women in their dads life i dont mean that they hate u but all kids do that so to know how they really feel talk to them alone more than once try to know them better and i know that this will help in ur relationship with him

good luck ;)

Answer 3

First you should never have the child of a partner that disses you like that-have an abortion. Then you can meet a new person and not be worried about whether the guy wants to be with you .....and your child. Because when you are a single mother it is all about whether the new guy wants to father your child-which can be complicated. I am a guy and I would not father some other guys child no matter how nice the mother was. Good luck.

Answer 4

just be honest with him hey? Tell him that you want to kinda chill out because of the pregnancy, and you are experiencing a lot of hormones, good and bad. You dont want them to falsely give you ideas about the relationship that could be damaging or untrue and unfair. so while you dont have to cut all contact just relax a bit and take it easy no talk about moving in, and this and that for now.