Advice for finding a girlfriend?

Question

I’ve never been very good with women. I do fine once I’m in a relationship with someone, but I’ve always been horrible at that initial approach. I have never just “picked up” a girl somewhere, and the few women that I have dated were all people I already knew. Now that I am out of college and living far away from my old friends and family, this makes meeting new people very difficult. I try the bars every weekend… nothing. The internet, total bust. Tinder, nada. 95% of the time I don’t even get a chance. I try and talk to a girl…and she turns her nose up at me. I send a ton of messages through online dating sites… and get next to no replies (and the very few I do get all flake soon after).

I don’t know where I am going wrong other than just being a little shy and reserved. I’d say I’m pretty good-looking, a little short though (I’m 5’6”) and while I do consider myself to be a nice person I’m not going for “nice guys finish last” here. Part of my problem is that I don’t “fit” the system very well: men are expected to approach and I don’t approach very often. It’d be nice if someone could make it a little easier for me: flirt a little, send the right signals, show that they want me to approach and aren’t just going to humiliate me for it. I know everyone says that “confidence is the most important thing” but that is basically a catch-22: you need confidence to be successful with women but having that success is how you gain confidence. So, any advice?

Answer 1

Okay, the first thing I would suggest is to stop going to bars and go to other places. I mean, you said yourself that the bars don't work. Same with the internet or dating websites. Go to your local park or go to the beach and you might run into someone there.



Confidence is key. I know you already said that you aren't that confident but it's like a law for girls that the boy should approach first. It's screwed up (some girls do approach guys, however) but I've been in too many situations where my friends (all female) are too scared to go up to the guy they like because "I don't want to sound desperate by going up to him first" or "I don't want to sound desperate by sending the first text". And personally, I like a man with confidence. But too much confidence just makes you look like a player. I would honestly be so flattered if a guy walked up to me while I was shopping or walking down the street and say "I just wanted to say that you're very pretty. Could I get your name/number?" It's gentlemanly but shows that you have some confidence. A few girls might still deny you, but remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, as lame as that sounds lol.



It is difficult to understand women lol. But know that some of us are clueless too. We don't know if we should send signals because what if the guy doesn't like us? Your anxiety matches the anxiety that some girls have. Also, some girls might just think they look weird or can't flirt so they don't.



You can still continue to do dating websites (I've heard that some are very successful) and go to the bars. But remember to get out more and also, find a job. You'd be amazed with how many new people you can meet working, from McDonalds to some desk job. Also, smile! It is incredibly difficult for me to do this because I'm so shy, but I started smiling a lot to random people I passed in the hallway during my senior year that I made a whole lot of new friends. Just a quick grin would make some people smile. It shows that you're friendly. Some girls might not have talked to you/approached you because you appeared unfriendly. Just smile, don't cross your arms, and, amazingly, chew gum. A recent study showed that people who chew gum look friendlier and more social than someone who doesn't. Also remember to shower daily and dress well.

Good luck! I hope I helped :)

Answer 2

It sounds like you know your problem, to meet new ppl you need to be outgoing, I'm shy too but you have to fake it till you make it sort of thing, also make sure you take pride and spend time on your appearance, girls want a guy who looks like they care about how they look, first impressions are very important. Try trying to meet girls w/ a group of friends, it'll make you seem more socialable if you're w/ a group and maybe you'll be more confident and not as uptight w/ your friends? Also take initiative in asking a girl out on dates and be a gentleman as well (also girls value a guy who is funny)

Answer 3

Confidence yes, arrogance no. Confidence is being able to say hi and maintain eye contact during a conversation. Arrogance is being overly forward.

Whats always worked best for me was saying hi, if they said hi back I would give them a compliment. I like your shoes (last time I said that she though I was gay and was asking to borrow them, never pick up on drunk girls) nice outfit, (even if its the ugliest damn thing you ever saw try to sound sincere. Women can sense fear and lies like sharks around blood. ) leave it at that if she wants to continue to talk she will. After that, be yourself.

Answer 4

OK... there is lots that can be said by a lot of people... Lots of advice... BUT, you have to listen to this... Even what he says is educational... and I learned a ton just from his introduction... It makes total sense...



For example, watch a women's mouth when she is talking. This, for some reason, is a huge turnon for females... and there is tons more at http://tiny.cc/MeetWomen... You won't believe what you hear...