Possible boyfriend problem?

Question

I'm having some possible problems with my boyfriend... I'm not actually sure if its a problem or if I'm just being irrational, but here is the situation anyway.
My boyfriend and I Have been going out for almost a year in a few days. We don't really have any major problems, we have some disagreements but he haven't had any problems that have caused us to ignore each other or something.
My problem is that he is making me feel increasingly neglected. He is very into the musical department at our school and also has his own little band on the side as well as separate instrumental lessons on the side. He is also taking one AP class. He is also very into this one computer mmorpg game.
My issue is that he seems to have less and less time to focus one me and spends a lot of time with his musical things. What bugs me most is that I get in like a text per hour and even then he barely focuses on it and half of his replies are "what???" or "lol" and then nothing until he finishes another round of his game (about an hour). For example today we exchanged like 5 texts before he had his band practice for 4 hours and then 2 texts before he suddenly stopped responding and i found out he is playing again.
Its not even like he is busy with his AP class or something. He has one, that i took last year and it is kind of difficult but I currently have 4, 2 of which are really hard, and almost every time I ask how his hw is going and if he needs help, he tells me he is watching tv or playing that game (that is if he replies with an actual answer). I still make more time to be with him and shift my entire schedule around him and his activities.
I have talked to him about feeling neglected and every time he responds by getting very defensive and saying he spends every chance he has with me and that he is trying. This is, from my point of view at least, only partially true...
Im hoping someone can give me advice on what to do... please help, I feel so horrible half the time :(

Answer 1

2 sides of a coin



1. he needs to learn to manage his time better if its that big of an issue



2. he cant spend every minute of the day with you, guys need some alone time, and friend time, and work/school time, how can you both miss and want each other if your both around each other 24/7?



as a guy, i spend as much time with my girlfriend as posable, but some days i just want a break to chill, or talk to my guy friends, and when im around my best friend she is with me anyway so its not bad at all



us guys are not all perfect, as i have trouble managing time with my girlfriend as well

Answer 2

It is possible that you feel neglected because the first initial rush of the "honeymoon" phase is over. The first year of a relationship is usually the time when couples spend the most one-on-one time together. After this, you spend less time together and often one partner feels neglected. It sounds like your boyfriend has a busy schedule, and you MAY be overreacting. However, only you know for sure if he is legitimately neglecting you or if you are being irrational. If you have already spoken to him about your feelings, there is not much else that you can do but remind him. Try making plans with him to do something together on a day that works for both of you, or stop texting him until he gets the point. Good luck!

Answer 3

He's taking you for granted. He knows the relationship is very established by now and is getting lazy in his part, even if he won't admit it. That's what's happening, as for a solution... Uhhhhhhh.... I'm working on it. Reverse psychology? Okay, I think I've got it. You're going to have to get a nerve up and tell him. Make a list (in your head of course!) before approaching him. When he gets defensive, that means he doesn't want to lose you but he also may not be willing to keep going for you. You have to make him tell you the TRUTH!!! Relationships take two. If only one will do the part, then the lazy one doesn't deserve the working one. I mean really. Do you want to get married to someone who is going to slack off and not pay attention to you? I know I don't, and I hope you don't either! Tell him how much he means to you and all that you're doing. Make sure it doesn't sound like you only do things for something in return though. If he still is defensive and uses that excuse, tell him that you feel neglected (yes again) and how much it would mean to you for him to care and take action. You better be more important to him than his band. If not, there's serious work to be done, or it's over. Tell him how you want him to make you feel. Be sure to ask him if there's anything you have been failing to do as well. Remember: relationships take two! (Actually, now that I think about it, they take three. Unless Jesus is at the top of your life, you're not going anywhere. You may need to get things right with God if you haven't already.)

Answer 4

Alas this is just puppy love, why do you need him to validate who you are? You need to have other interest, perhaps he is bored with you. Maybe you are being too clingy. I say you start hanging out with your gfs or start other interests. Or make him jelous, why not! It is typical of boys at all age to play with buttons, they don't have the capability to think outside their means so they need to be entertained. Half of the time they end up on the computer playing games or looking at porn < not sayong your does>. Can you play an instrument? Or ask if you can play one the games he is playing so then he remembers you everytime he boots up to play one :)

If all fail, I would personally move onto something if my needs are not being met! Maybe you just need to shake things up. Good luck!

Answer 5

He is sounds busy. My boyfriend does the same thing I feel the way you feel about it. Just relax and don't text him for a while he will see your upset and might start a conversation. Be hard-to-get and not let this get to you. He needs to understand you.