A really like a girl but I also dislike her?

Question

So I've got this really odd problem with this woman I really like. I'm 21 and she's 30. We met randomly through some friends 3 months ago and have been hanging out together almost everyday since then. We both know that we really like each other and she wants to take things further. She's an extremely beautiful, smart, capable woman and I really like her for who she is.

There are a few things about her that just really don't make me comfortable. She's been in relationships with 10 other guys with her most serious relationship lasting 2 years. I, on the other hand, have never been in a relationship but that's because I've chosen not to partially because of my religious beliefs and because I want to focus on schoolwork. She doesn't believe in God and while I don't have a problem with people not believing in God, I would prefer my significant other to believe the same thing that I do for it only makes matters less difficult in the long run.

She has told me about her past relationships and at first, I didn't mind but that was before I realized I cared about her so much. Now that I do care about her a lot, I've become uncomfortable with knowing what's she's done. The worst part is that I've tried to tell her how I feel but it always ends up with her looking as though she's about to cry because she thinks that I think that she's not good enough for me.

I do realize that I'm old fashioned and that she's probably more conservative, socially, than most women are these days but I can't help but think that it would be better if I found a girl who was more like me. The problem is that she likes me a lot and that I make her happy, and I feel the same way about her except that I can't help but remember what she's done and feel a tiny bit bitter. I feel terrible about thinking this but I still wish things were different.

Sorry about the huge block of text, I don't usually post questions on here very often and I thought maybe someone would help me think rationally about this

Answer 1

I think that the situation is too complex. She seems to have too much baggage and you are going to be complicating you young life and future prospects by getting involved with her.



You deserve someone with a little bit of a cleaner slate.

Answer 2

Hmmm... honestly if I was in the same situation, since I also am old-fashioned and stuff... I would go for someone who shares my values and beliefs. I think a partner with a lot of people in their past would also make me feel pretty insecure, in turn making me a bit bitter toward that person. It's not so bad right now but think if you ever married her? How would you raise your kids together? Or how would you live together? Is she the kind of person who values marriage and family? -If you're planning to have a family that is.. And if your faith is important to you... do you really want to tie yourself into marriage with a person who does not hold the same beliefs as you. Right now you might be friendly and close with each other but when you get married the small bitterness you have right now could possible grow over time and cause a lot of problems in your marriage. I guess all I can say is you should consider what is really important to you...

Answer 3

OK i get what your feeling when you can't make up your mind up just think about it i feel that you are going into this relationship thinking your going to spend the rest of your life with her but you don't know this and when you start liking someone they will become more like you she will be interested in your type of things just because you are girls want to know what goes on in there boyfriends mind so i think u should go for it forget your brain go with your heart



p.s is some of your disliking coming from the age gap if it is like you said your old fashion so it makes up for it lol

Answer 4

Wow, John, that's quite a pickle. Are you sure you just want someone more like you? Or does knowing the things she has done make you just want her more and really give you that desire to be there for her and protect her? I know a lot of guys who like a good girl who was once a little bad because they want to really just treat them right. You may never get over the things of the past but you can look forward to the things in the future. Just be ready for a struggle and a fight, but hopefully love prevails.

Answer 5

Keep it simple.

If you dont like parts of her, those idea's and feelings are only going to fester and become big problems.



And from my friends experience, if you strongly believe in god, and the person your smitten with does not. It probably will not work out, "One of you will think the other is a idiot"- my friend's lovely quote.

Answer 6

well if you really love her a lot you wouldn't mind the things that you don't like about her. but if it really bugs you, it's better to let her go because it would only build up into a much serious problem.

Answer 7

I don't think you're in the wrong. You're young and you do have to focus and establish your life right now. I would almost say you're too young to have to deal with someone who already has so much emotional baggage.

You're right to be cautious.

Answer 8

you should find someone who you are totally comfortable with. if you are with someone who doesn't make you completely content then find someone who will. you shouldn't have to compromise your beliefs just because you "like" someone. it's either true love or it's not. if it was true love then everything else shouldn't matter. so go find someone who you can love every aspect of.

Answer 9

Either like or dislike you can not do both