My boyfriend and I got in a fight at a party and I'm embarrassed my friends knew and I'm still sad ...?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together about a year now. I'm 28 and he is 26. We live together and have two dogs. He is by far the nicest person I have ever met and we get along really well. We have only been in a fight twice. Once was before we were "official" and once this past weekend. Our first fight was a result of me learning that while we were talking and not official yet (he was away finishing a last semester at college) I discovered he tried perusing other girls. Once he graduated I found out and was super sad, but we weren't official so I forgave him. We've put it past us because we've been amazing ever since and he's gained my trust in many ways. Obviously over a year a lot has happened from moving in together, many great laughs and moments shared, to him already telling me when he wants to marry me, and he has taken me to meet his really great family out of state several times.

Flash forward to this past weekend... His friend is in town from college and asked for my bf to hook him up with one of my friends. I invited some girls over, but for the first time I had a flash back of when my bf was away at college (mainly because his friend seemed like a ladies man and total douche bag). We all drank a lot. My boyfriend wasn't talking to me much throughout the night and kept talking to my really pretty friend who had barely any clothes on (mind you I was dressed to impress to, but still, I'm a girl and I can get jealous). My boyfriend was laughing with her all night and all his friends were gawking at her too. I've know the girl for years and the same type of guys always like us both so my insecurities kicked in. I never cry or get mad at my bf but I pulled him in our room and with alcohol in me started crying and asking why he was flirting with my friend. He said he couldn't believe what I was saying and walked away. About 15 minutes later we were able to be alone again and we talked more and he said he was trying to hook her up with his friend and said do you really think I would cheat on you, and reminded me that he loved me and never would. He also said I never cry and he didn't understand why I was fine earlier and being so out of character now. He said we never fight and now we seem disfunctional to everyone that knows we are. (alcohol obviously didn't help) I whipped my tears and we continued the night as if nothing had happened but my friends all knew we fought and briefly asked why. I just said I was being dramatic.


Now for several days I've been losing sleep thinking about how I'm embarrassed that everyone knew we fought when we never do. I feel like I made us seem like a couple whonhasnamton of problems when we don't. Also, I honestly trust my boyfriend and I know he loves me so much, but part of me did sense his attraction to my friend. I know nothing would happen, but how do I prevent myself from getting jealous in the future? How do I get over my embarrassment in front of my friends? (which my best friend already said that my bf and I never fight so she thought it was healthy that we did and normal). I guess I just need some words to make me feel better and help me stop losing sleep over this.

Answer 1

When you are in a relationship, being jealous or insecure is completely normal. It just happens. When you really love someone you can't bear the thought of him/her with someone else. You always want it to be you. You can't really do anything to prevent jealousy. As long as you are in love with him, you'll feel a little insecure when it comes to him even talking to other girls. But keep in your mind that if you get too jealous and insecure and keep nagging all the time, asking him questions about his feelings towards other girls, getting too much doubtful can ruin your relationship. I tell you, the key to a wonderful relationship doesn't come from anywhere but within yourself. You will be able to know if he's cheating on you or not. It will reflect from his actions. The way he acts around you, the way he treats you, is he treating you in a way that is different from before, if he tells you everything or not, etc. It will show in his eyes, in his face. Love is written all over in a person's face and hidden deep in his eyes. You don't have to check on him to find out if he is still loyal to you or not. If you feel his love, trust it. Keep it in your mind and reciprocate it each day. I'm sure your boyfriend was just a bit carried away by the way he used to be in college, his other self, which his friend brought out in him.



And when it comes to fights hon, nobody can tell you better about what fighting actually leads to. You've been together for a year. You're in the starting stage of your relationship. I remember how I used to freak out after one big fight in the initial days. You're actually getting past the rosy rosy stage of the relationship, that is exactly why you feel bad about having a single fight. Slowly you'll come to know that fights are a part of relationship. The couple that doesn't fight, is surely having some problem. Every person expects something from his/her better half. And when the expectation isn't met, we fight. Through fights you come to know what your partner really wants or expects from you. Your bond will automatically strengthen. You'll feel closer to each other. And which relationship doesn't have fights? Be it in friendship or family, every relation has its own ups and downs. Do not be disheartened, it is perfectly normal. It is nothing to be embarrassed about. I'm sure when your friends will get committed to someone they will understand what makes a couple fight.

Fights will be there. What matters is how you deal with it and come out stronger. They are testing periods of your relationship. Don't freak out :)



Hope this helped! :)

Answer 2

Well, first of all, that girl wouldn't hook up with your boyfriend, most likely. As you might know, a girl has to feel that "chemistry" with a guy to hook up. And next, she already knows he's with you. I don't see what you're worried about? Guys flirt sometimes, and under other circumstances (not drunk and drinking) your boyfriend would likely have never seemed "flirty" with her. Hey flirting happens.



You need to let go of the fact that he was putting himself out there when you two first met. Really.... you do. Why are you carrying this around with you? It's just male behavior. But he said he's with YOU right now. Just enjoy it, instead of having meltdowns.



I find male behavior interesting (and stupid). I actually enjoy seeing them make idiots of themselves.



Most girls won't hit on a guy who she knows is in a relationship.



Relax. Enjoy your relationship and have fun being young. No place for drama in life. We have enough other things to deal with.



take care.

Answer 3

Not a thing wrong. You nailed it when you said you were being dramatic. No one but you cares that you had a little fit at your party. Honest.

Answer 4

Yesterday you were 14.