found out that my boyfriend is involoved in a BDSM community online?

Question

I found out that my boyfriend is involoved in a BDSM community online. I am so confused of what to do.We are planning of getting married next year and this scares me to death.one of my friends is a journelist she saw an add on the web with his photo.I saw it , says he is a slave and he wants a mistress.He does not admit it.Then I went to his mail account and it had all the emails. Is it possible to still have a normal relationship?Guess even so I cant live in a relationship with a big lier.I do not know much about this BDSM

Thank you

Answer 1

I guarantee that he is not gong to change, any psychologist will tell you this. But there are some relatively easy ways for you to learn to live with this. The simplest is just to get a nice, whippy cane and offer to beat his *** anytime he wants. Then later, if he wants sex, and you are too tired, just give him a dozen good whacks on the *** instead. Or if he leaves the toilet seat up, or looks at other women in the shopping mall, or whatever - one dozen whacks. For somthing really serious such as lying, he needs more than a dozen, of course.

The whole key to this is to get a really effective cane, and to use it good and hard - on his bare skin! (I recommend one called a sjambok http://www.aswgt.com/sjambok.html). Take your time, and put all of your strength into each and every whack, using the strength of your whole body. It only takes you a couple of minutes to administer a good sound thrashing, and if you do it right it will be at least a couple of days before he is ready for another! A little bleeding is normal, don't worry about it.

You will be surprised at how empowering this is for you, and how quickly you will get used to giving a thrashing. It is much easier than you probably think.

I cannot overemphasize the importance of doing this HARD. If you wimp out and just give him a gentle spanking, he will just start demanding that you do all kinds of YUCCY stuff that you would be better off avoiding! Make sure that you give him more than he bargained for, so he won't come back too soon!

Just a couple of minutes, then you can get on with your day and he will not be bothering you again for a while!

This should be a consensual arrangement, but believe it or not, he will probably agree to this - but he might be a little more reluctant after his first good thrashing! You might need to tie him to a chair first.

Answer 2

I don't think the BDSM aspect is your problem. The problem is that he's trolling around the internet looking for another woman. AND he's still lying about it.



He needs to admit it, ASAP and then tell you exactly what he was looking for in a mistress. It could be someone to physical abuse him or make him dress like a woman or he could just be looking for sex.



Also, he's looking to be a slave, so if you want to be married to a real man and not some little sissy boy, then you should probably find someone else.



Good luck.

Answer 3

You have two choices: either love him as he is, or leave him. Because he's not going to change. This is a very deep-seated psychosexual fantasy, and he will not outgrow it.



Perhaps you have sexually dominant tendancies yourself -- and you very well might, as that would be the kind of woman he would be attracted to. In that case, you will need to learn more about this lifestyle, and offer to enter into it with him. WITH him is the operative word here, because you simply cannot continue this relationship if it's based on lying or sneaking around.



If you look deep inside yourself and don't have such tendancies -- which is also possible -- then you are probably both better off seeking new partners.

Answer 4

BDSM is a fetish that is very common. There is nothing wrong with it. However some things that some BDSMers do are kind of messed up to be doing with someone you are not married to but in his case it is probibly mostly harmless. However the fact that he is lying to you about it and trying to find a partner online behind your back is the bad part. Talk to him about it and be open to his fetish, but dont take his lies, it may be wise to consider puting the wedding off a little bit and patch things up between you and him.

Answer 5

seriously...we live in a weird world. ok if u were like high sch students i'd say dump his *** but if ur gettin married...ok the mistress part absoulutely will not do. As for the bdsm part...well i guess its kind of a fetish but if it scares u then really sit down n talk it out with him. It aint worth bein abused for the rest of ur life in the bedroom.

Answer 6

if you can plan to get married then you can also talk to him, if this is an online fantasy or if he's really looking for a mistress then you can discuss it from there, now there is the invading his privacy part. he might be looking, someone might have hacked his email, there can be many explanations but you have to sit down and talk. maybe you can get into with him maybe not, but find out before you get married. as for being a liar, maybe he's embarrassed or maybe hacked. sit down with an open mind and talk

tc

Answer 7

You two really need to sit down and talk about this...If he is into this and this is something you can live with, not only deal with, then marry...Just know this is a part of who he is and you marrying him is saying you except this.

You could think of it this way, you could make him your slave and have him do whatever you say...Its up to you what you do, but again you have to except this is a part of who he is if you do wed....

Answer 8

If you really want, I guess you could spank him for being naughty.

That would put you in a "one-up" and make him happy.



Problem solved, really.



If he wants to be a slave, hop in a corset and whip his ***! Give him what he wants!

Answer 9

RUN, RUN, RUN...ITS NOT UR LIFESTYLE ITS HIS AND U

DONT WANT IT...good luck.