What do you think??? Am I wasting my time??

Question

i've been dating this guy for about 3 weeks, and he's SUCH a charmer... BUT... he wants to spend SoOoO much time with me, like 3 hrs a day (i like to get off work and jog, be with my mom a little..etc.) and he acts like if he dont see me he's gonna DIE. We have no where to go, just sit in his car. He's 31 & i'm 21.. We went out to the Country Club last night & had a few drinks. the more he drank, the ruder he was to me.. so i left. and he chases me down and jerks me into his arms.. not hurting me.. but u get the picture. i told him i didn't like how he was talking to me, then he INSISTED i was over reacting.. and wanted me to EXPLAIN to him what he did wrong... am i wasting my time?-- am i putting myself out there to be heart broken??

Answer 1

Considering you're only 3 weeks into this relationship, these are a lot of red flags!



I would personally run, not walk, away.



Sounds like he's a bit co-dependent, insecure and desperate to be in a long term commited relationship. Did he recently get out of a long-term relationship? Maybe he has forgotten how to casually date?



Early on in a relationship he should be taking things slowly, getting to know you, not seeing you every day, etc. It's also probably a little early for him to not only be meeting your Mom, but especially to be asking to spend time with her.



He sounds a little desperate for attention and almost obsessive about being with you - that is not the same thing as love. You combine that with alcohol and it gets worse.



You didn't say what presipitated the rudeness (other than alcohol), but either way his actions were inappropriate.



If you really like him and want to make things work, you need to be really frank with him about what you want and need, and let him know gently that he's smothering you and to back off a little and let things develop at a natural pace. Sounds like therapy wouldn't be a bad idea either to get to the root of some of his issues that clearly have nothing to do with you.



Unless you have those deep feelings though, I would probably end this now, as it will probably get worse before it gets better.

Answer 2

I think at 31 he is probably starting to think that he might be getting that feeling that he may end up alone. That is why he probably wants to spend so much time with you. If he was rude to you after a few drinks that is not good. Either talk to him about how that made you feel, also talk to him about how you are not ready to be in a relationship where you have to see each other everyday. I think you would probably be better off without him to tell you the truth.

Answer 3

All i got to say is be careful, he sounds like he has some issues with respecting women. I think you should get out now, if not, just take things slow. Always follow your gut feeling, if you think you are wasting your time or your going to be hurt, your probably right. Women know these things. If you dont like the way someone is talking to you or treating you it is your right to speak up or walk away...keep walking. I am sure he is a good guy, but he just isnt showing you how great you are...it should be 50/50 in a relationship!

Answer 4

Well it depends if you really like him or not ~ which by the way it doesn't sound like it. Tell him that he really put you in a situation that made you feel uncomfortable ~ and you got angry ~ if he still says that you are overreacting then maybe you guys shouldn't be together after all. Your feelings should always come before being right to him ~ you know what i mean? But in the end it is sole up to you do decide if you want to chance it with him or not ~ but remember all relationships start off with a chance. Good Luck ~ I wish you well!

Answer 5

i think you shouldnt be around a guy like that. You need a guy that is understanding and will be able to work around your schedule. I mean it would be good if everyone once and a while he will say he is dying to see you but if he does it everyday it will start to get annoying. People never waist their time though. I say that because no matter what happens you will learn from what decisions you make and you have more than enough time in the world for other things. Look at it like this.... It makes you a better person for experienceing things you didnt think you would experience.



Best of luck to you! Hope i helped!

Answer 6

Sounds to me like he is an ok guy, but that you met the down fall of him last night, so now you are questioning him. Which is normal. If you are on here questioning him, then it is obvious that you already know the answer to the problem. He isn't turning out to be the man yo thought you was falling for. He sounds almost desperate. I'm not meaning anything bad about you lol. Jus saying he is soo clingy. And sound slike he cant handle his alchohol very well either. This has to be your call. But deep down, I think you already know what you want and need. And it doesn't sound like it is him. There are better out there:)

Answer 7

OH HUN! Take it from someone who has been in your spot. He is nothing but trouble. If he is this attached already he is either A) a crazy and psychotic stalker type OR B)he is really NEEDY. Just cut the ties now and get rid of him before it becomes something totally out of control. Besides what kind of 31 year old doesn't have a freakin place to live that you can hang out? Sounds like he is not so much boyfriend material anyways. Please steer clear of him unless you like needy, stalker types. Good luck hun!

Answer 8

Honestly, you are way too young to be in this kind of a relationship. Break it off while you still can, because this is how he is in the beginning..imagine what he's like years down the line!



At 21, you need to be clubbing with your friends.

Answer 9

You need to explain to him that you like your personal space. Make sure you talk to him about how he acts when he's drinking and that you really don't like it. If you don't notice a change in a week or 2 leave him. Don't want to spend too much time on him, but you also want to give him a chance to change. Just talk to him!

Answer 10

Honestly, it sounds like he might be a tad on the unstable side. Very possessive and dramatically grabbing you in his arms as you tried to rush away? Honey, you're not putting yourself out there to be heartbroken...you're putting yourself out there to be STALKED. Beware the charmers...something dark usually lurks under the surface.

Answer 11

well if your not comfortable with a situation there is a reason for it. He seems to be overbearing to me a bit. Does he work because it seems like he's right there everytime you turn around. If he gets rude when he is drinking I would worry about that. He could be abusive so watch your step.

Answer 12

he sounds like he's codependent. and there is something wrong with that. you have only been together for 3 weeks, if it was something like 3 years then i could understand why he wouldnt' want to be away so much. and he's 31, he should have his own life and his own things to do and not depend on you so much. there is something wrong with him. and he can't even respect you when he is with you. i would leave him. seriously.

Answer 13

Yes you are wasting your time.. with how he wants to be around you soo much its almost scary since he's in his 30's . I'd watch out if I was you.. doesn't sound like a good relationship to me! Run Girl!

Answer 14

I think you know the answer to this...all the questions that your asking are a yes....there is nothing wrong with someone wanting to spend time with you but, it's also about how he's spending time, what are you guys doing...and how he is treating you....

Answer 15

Girl if a guy lays a hand on you and you aren't even dating yet theres a big problem there. So yeah you wasting your time.

Answer 16

Get OUT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm telling you and warning you this is a bad situation. No I don't know him but i've worked in the counseling field for years and have heard the story a thousand times this is how it starts, and once you get hooked in, its impossible to get out! Leave now please. I beg you!

Answer 17

Sounds like he has control issues that could become abusive, tread carefully and best start separating from this guy.



If he doesn/t get it that you need your space.



Make plenty, get rid of him.



Luck!

Answer 18

He's trying to control you, and thats never a good thing... Find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated

Answer 19

Get out of this relationship NOW



this guy has MAJOR problems, psychological, and by being in a relationship with him you are setting yourself up to me emotionally and maybe even physically hurt.



this guy needs to figure out himself before he can be with a woman...



get out of this relationship before you get hurt in more than one way, take it from someone who has had experience in this.

Answer 20

To me I think he sounds like a control freak. kick him to the curb too old for u anyway

Answer 21

yes because one day hell get drunk then hit you then it will keep happening you should get someone who likes to do the samething like you like joging and help you hang with your famil more

Answer 22

Sorry to say but yes.

Answer 23

simply yes

Answer 24

hes just a talker.... he wants to control u.

Answer 25

girl, let him go. u deserve better.



u r wasting ur time....

Answer 26

yep. you said it. get out now!