Help! Relationships keep ending the same way. What am I doing wrong?

Question

My last 3 short term (1-2 months) relationships have ended the same exact way. The guy initially is totally into me in the first few weeks. I mean over the top, to where I feel they couldn't be more interested. Then, all of a sudden....boom, they are ending things. Stating the right feelings jus weren't there. I always end up completely and utterly shocked! They were so into me and then in such a short time they decide they're not!? Please help. What am I doing wrong?????????

Answer 1

In the new millennium, finding someone isn’t nearly as tricky as mastering the art keeping him. The following are important dating do's and don’ts:



Don’t: Misrepresent yourself - Don’t pretend to be something or someone you’re not in an effort to impress a potential partner. You’re fabulous just as you are and if somebody else can’t see that, it’s his loss. Besides, a relationship founded on lies/insincerities will quickly crumble.



Do: Be clear AND realistic about what you want - The most successful daters are those who not only know exactly what they want, but are realistic about themselves and what they’re looking for. Make a list of the qualities and traits you’re looking for in your perfect partner. Then look at that list and ask yourself how realistic it is. Make your list, and as you continue dating, tweak it to make it as clear and realistic as possible.



Don’t: Get stuck in a rut - Getting stuck in a dating rut or dry spell doesn’t have to be part of the single gal’s experience. Taking time away from the dating scene to breathe and reboot is one thing (and oh-so-necessary now and then). But getting stuck in a dating rut where you’re either not meeting anyone or only meeting the same type of guy over and over again should be a thing of the past.



Don’t: Drag excess baggage on dates - Just as you shouldn’t have to date a guy who lugs his emotional baggage wherever he goes, you shouldn’t be That Girl either. Nobody in your present dating life wants or deserves to bear the brunt of your past relationships. Your relationship history -- the good, bad, and even the ugly -- is just that. History.



Do: Learn your relationship lessons - Instead of obsessing about past relationship failures, look at those experiences as valuable lessons. You can learn from any dating disaster, relationship gone awry, even a bad breakup. These experiences ultimately teach us about our own resilience, what we’re really looking for in a perfect partner and how we can do better next time by applying our lessons learned.



Don’t: Be a critic - Instead of being present and actively getting to know the person you are with, you’re stuck in your own head judging your date. He’s too short. He doesn’t drive the right car. I don’t think he makes enough money. Chances are you’ve been there, done that. And if so, you may have walked away from what could have been a great date because your inner critic got the best of you. What it’s really doing is sabotaging your ability to get to know someone, someone who could be a great guy if you gave yourself a chance to get to know him. By muting your inner critic, you may just discover you’re a better judge of character.



Do: Have fun - In your quest to meet your partner, you may sometimes lose sight of the fact that dating is supposed to be fun. Yes, it takes a lot of time, energy, and patience. But that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the process. If you’re feeling particularly stressed about dating, maybe it’s time to take a brief break. Focus your energies elsewhere for a while: on study, on work, a hobby, or just nurturing yourself.



Don’t: Look at being single as a bad thing - Be honest -- does being single sometimes feel like a life sentence you’re forced to endure? If so, don’t be surprised if you’re attracting like-minded individuals or not attracting anyone at all. This kind of negative thinking is both dangerous and defeating to your dating efforts. By being footloose and fancy free, you have the opportunity to meet and date and try on different partners until you find the right fit.



Dont make Continious moves - By now we’ve all heard about those notorious pickup artists who employ various tactics to meet, woo, and ultimately bed their conquests. Aside from these players and their questionable motives, there are single guys out there who might prefer that you make the first move. A word of caution -- if you make the first move, don’t make the Second, Third, and Fourth. Guys want and need to be part of the delicate dating chase. If you do all the work, they’ll just stop chasing.



Remember Physical intimacy means different things to different people - One very crucial thing to know about some single guys is that sex and intimacy can be two different things. Typically, women equate sex with intimacy. It’s hormonal, even biological. If women are getting physical with someone, they are at least thinking about having a relationship with him. Like it or not, it’s often different for men.

Last word of Caution - Remember

Sex is...both physical and emmotional in nature

Sex is NOT...

- a way to make somebody love you or make a commitment to you

- a test of your love for your partner

Remember, when you have sex for the wrong reasons you hurt yourself!

Good Luck>r

Answer 2

It would help to know your ages. I had many short term relationship growing up. They were infatuations and not sexual. If you are both young, it is the age that causes him to break up because he simply isn't ready for any commitment. You both have lives to live and choices to make.

When we are too young, we usually get scared to get into someone for too long or too deep. If you are older, then I would evaluate the kind of guys I fall for. Too often, we repeat history because it is all too familiar to us. We must learn to choose wisely and not keep making the same mistakes over and over agin. For example, if your Dad is one way and maybe not for the best, you will tend to look for guys like him, even if you don't want to admit it. It is all we know. As you get older, you can change that and have a normal relationship that will stay and maybe even get married and have a family. Don't be in such a rush and write down the types of guys you fall for or that fall for you. Note both behaviors and see what type of guys you are interested in and why. You usually will know the answer. I was abused and therefore , I unknowingly picked the wrong guys. It took me many years to be able to change that but I did. I was married for 21 years to a man I should have never married in the first place.

Like I said, if you are very young or both of you are, this is normal to have a short term relationship. You are both "testing the waters".

Answer 3

Maybe they are not as into you as you think. You probably get your hopes up really fast. You didn't leave too much in your question about what you do in the relationship, so it's hard to say what you do wrong. I would say the most important thing to do in the beginning of a relationship is to just play it cool. The more chill you seem about your relationship, the more comfortable the guy will be with sticking around. Lets face it, guys often run away from commitment. It sounds like this might be the case here, but I could be wrong. So like I said, just play it cool. Avoid talking about the future, and just enjoy time together.



Good Luck!

Answer 4

Are you hot? Well theirs your answer. YOUR BEING USED!!!!!!!!(unless your a b*tch then.....no wait still!) Hold out on feelings durring the honeymoon stage (first 3mo. ussually) don't place everything in that basket unless your sure it's a risk you want to take, placing yourself out their is something that may be u, but don't let some person come into your life, play with you, then hit the high road because they got a taste. Becuase you really don't deserve to be hurt like that, no one really does, but it happens to the best of us. The point is reserve yourself a bit and see how that goes, what is it they say "you want what you can't have" but it's about the chase, don't close off and expell yourself from being you, just don't be %120 when it only is at the first week or two.

Answer 5

Hard to say what is really going on because we're not there, but it could be several things. Do you change the way you act and feel when a relationship gets deeper? No idea what it could be. You could be just getting unlucky lately. Hit me up, if you wanna.

Answer 6

It depends on what you think your doing wrong I mean if you think your being to clingy then hey.....let loose make him feel like he is lucky to have you.....not like he could have you whenever he wants.....thats when they take advantage of you and expect you to wait for them hand and foot... you dont want them getting that ideah because then they will dump you and goo hunting for new meat and use you as a yo-yo so when they throw you into the world they can get you back whenever they want!!!!

Answer 7

You mistake being "into you" with a solid basis for a meaningful relationship.



True love defines the relationship, not the other way around.

Answer 8

come and live in the jungle with me, everybody loves everybody else.

Answer 9

you are a bad lay