Boyfriend has an (old) dating profile but no picture? Help?

Question

My live-in boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years. We met online (okcupid), and we both deleted our accounts right away. (He actually deleted his account before -I did-, which was before we even officially became exclusive -- only like, two weeks into our relationship). Prior to our relationship, he had a very long string of (mostly) bad relationships and often relied on internet dating to meet women. He has admitted to trying nearly every dating site on record -- paid sites such as match and eharmony, to the sketchier ones such as Plenty of Fish. At times, he even had multiple profiles activated on numerous sites. I know him pretty well, and have learned all of his usernames to the various Internet sites he uses. Out of boredom one day, I put in a google search (in front of him actually -- we were just laying around) for one of his usernames, and to my surprise, out came a POF profile! The profile had barely been completed and there wasn't even a profile picture, and I could tell by the short biography that it was written several years ago. Most importantly, I did trust him. I simply gave him the benefit of the doubt. I made a joke about it -- did NOT make it a big deal, and he admitted that he didn't know it was still up. And then he happily proceeded to delete it right in front of me. It turns out that the profile was created back in 2008 -- three years before we met. Okay, fine.

Since then, I have become slightly more skeptical about his potential "other" profiles, and began searching through his usernames trying to find something. The other night I had searched through his "trash" box on his email (I know, bad, bad move), and found a deleted email from okcupid saying that he had recently changed his password. Panicked, I logged on and found a similar profile to the other I discovered on POF. The profile is totally blank (aside from the very basic stats: gender, age, location), no biography and there is also no picture. He also did not have any messages in his inbox nor had he sent any. There was literally zero activity. It did not appear that he had been trying to attract women in any way. Or else, after all, he would have at least had a profile picture, right? The fact that he requested to change his password first tells me that it has probably been some time since he has last logged in. But my lingering question remains, what prompted him to log on in the first place? Browsing? Why? Also, if he is aware now that he still has it, (he can't say, "oh I didn't know"), why not just delete it now? Why the hell would I keep a dating profile up at this point in my relationship? Especially if it's not even a profile -- just a blank page basically with no picture. Just delete it -- like he's already done with the other one. Since then, meaning, uhh, today, I found two other activated profiles, however, both showed that the last log in was -two years- before we even met -- and they were both just like the other two...uncompleted profiles with no pictures. So he's obviously forgotten about those.

So what gives? I am having a very hard time deciding whether this is (or should be) a red flag or if I am simply overreacting. This guy has, after all, had a very long dating history, and perhaps he is lazy or has lost track of the multiple profiles he has had over the years. The thing that still gets me, however, is that he logged into the last one just last week, and I'm still trying to understand why. I wanted to simply take a deep breath and talk it over before jumping the gun, accusing him and starting a fight. *sigh*

So should I let this go or does it warrant real attention?

Thanks for your (kind) help... I am going crazy a little.

Answer 1

I would not say this is a red flag as he is not messaging people or completing his profiles and has had no activity since meeting you



It is hard to explain why he is keeping these profiles open though, and why he logged in to them last week.



What it could be is if he forgot his password, they might have to resend it to him after he answered the security questions and ask him to change it before accessing his profile. And some dating sites do not delete a profile straight away, but give the user 30 days to opt out of deleting their profile in case they change their mind.



It is obvious he is not trying to attract women, and having open profiles is meaningless as he could always create a new one very quickly if he chose to. I just think he forgot to close them down. Same dating sites are very easy to join but very hard to leave (I was on one once that required me to delete everything -pictures, information, etc- and wait 30 days before it was finally deleted -there was no option to simply cancel it)

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

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Answer 7

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