How to ask out and successfully date a girl I like (Social anxiety)?

Question

Basic situation: Girl I was friends in at school works at place I visit relatively frequently but otherwise we have no interaction, I've had a crush on her on and off for a few years, it's not as major as it used to be but still there. I would like to ask her out and go on a date with her and get to know her really intimately and share a bond.

Problems: 1) She is probably not interested in me. Our relationship at this point is limited. We only meet occasionally. She was friends with me in high school but I never got the impression she thought of me as her best friend. She has shown an interest in romantic movies and male celebrities in the past but I have never known her to show any romantic inclinations towards anyone in high school, and I have been paying attention. I can sometimes be a bit weird, I get the feeling she might be a little off put by that. She is normally quite closed off emotionally, but just once or twice I have gotten the opportunity to hear about her deeper emotions, which suggests to me that possibly she feels semi-close to me to want to tell me that stuff. Of course that was in the past, she may not feel anywhere near as close anymore.

2) I am painfully shy. I have struggled with social anxiety throughout my life, and while I feel I have improved a little bit, I am still no good. I have enough courage approach her and to talk to her at her work (when she is not busy of course) but my feelings mean I do not feel totally comfortable. I naturally effect a face of either a nervous smile or a completely straight face when talking to her. My head gets confused and I struggle to think of what to say sometimes. I want to ask her out, or at least to go out with me as a friend, but I always end up speechless. I always feel I am going to do or am doing something wrong. And I often do because I am a socially awkward person. The subsequent points are sort of a continuation of this one in a way.

3) I am worried about the potential result. First option is that she doesn't accept. She is really quite a mystery, I have no idea how she would reject me. If she would put me down politely and understand, if she would be surprised and give a flustered and shocked response. If she would just flat out say no. But more than just that, I am concerned about the long term consequences. I think it's possible that in the future she would feel to uncomfortable to talk to me knowing my feelings for her. Remember she keeps her emotions guarded. She might not want to talk to me anymore. I don't want that to happen.

4) I am clueless in regards to dating. This is in the scenario that she says yes. I have attempted to run through scenarios of successful dates in my head, but I just can't. I am not good at flirting. Not even a big fan of it. If I were to go on a date, I would want to be myself. Yes, of course making compromises for the other person is an important thing to do, but I don't want to completely reinvent myself. That would be a betrayal to myself and if it is necessary, why would they have wanted to go on a date with me in the first place (If they didn't like me for me)? We share interests (we both have somewhat nerdy personalities) but one cannot spend a date talking entirely about interests, right? I wouldn't want to anyway, I think part of what would make a date good would be to get closer with the person and understand them. But how fast should one do this? I mean I always feel awkward and out of pace with everyone else. I am bound to bring the wrong thing up at the wrong time and give the wrong response. I don't want to freak her out. I also don't want to be boring. What if I become lost for words again? Would she be offended or would it fuel conversation if I took up an opposing stance when I felt it, and how far is appropriate to continue with this stance before I am considered a jerk? I like to be honest, sometimes perhaps more than is appreciated, but I always try to be nice andconsiderate about it. She is somewhat of an arty intellectual (but not the douchey kind) but I still don't know exactly what her idea of a good date would be, and how close it fits the Hollywood image (which is all I have to go by). What about smalltalk? I am not terribly good at that, but I am not inherently against it, but I hope real dating does not involve it in excessive amount, I'm hoping for something a little more personal. Basically I find it hard to figure out the expectations that would be upon me and how to avoid saying the wrong thing, or not being able to say anything at all. And if we fail to make a huge connection, do we try again or give up? And that brings me back to the "would she be too awkward to be friends with me?" question.

Getting to a physical level is something I am also extremely anxious about, but I assume she would probably want to take it slow, as far as I know (and expect based on previous experience) she has had little t

Answer 1

Ditch Hollywood. What do you like doing that might be fun with her there? I like bushwalking. Or going to art galleries. Or just walking around looking at the houses. It would be nice to have someone to talk to and share observations while doing any of those things. Think of something like that. If it's not a "Formal Date" situation (dinner, theatre, etc) it won't be so nerve wracking for either of you and it will show her who you are. Even conventional things like drinking coffee in an outdoor cafe would be OK.

So ask "hey do you want to do something sometime? Go for a walk somewhere? Get a coffee?"

If she says no just say oh well, ok, sorry and don't seem too hurt. Who knows, if you seem cool about it she might change her mind.

Answer 2

ok, i visit respond to your complicated problem as only as i will. you say you like this woman and you're socially awkward (it particularly is large, i'm, too). the 1st element you will desire to do is attempt and become her closest guy chum with out having intimate or creepy. you may desire to earn her have faith and be between the 1st people she tells her secrets and techniques to. on account which you're shy, you will desire to easily be her chum first, teach her you have faith her, which you incredibly prefer to be her chum. while she accepts you (and, while you're affected person and not PUSHY, she will have the means to), deliver her little presents from an nameless admirer. you will locate how she reacts, yet do no longer, decrease than any situations, enable her realize it particularly is you (except, of direction, she asks you - you do no longer prefer to unfastened her have faith). If she starts flirting or performing slightly in a distinctive way (twirling her hair, batting her eyelashes, smiling greater while she sees you, etc.), then you would desire to ask her out. If she says no, only be acquaintances, it probable wasn't meant to be or could have been a bad harm-up. If she says confident, than you circulate out on an hassle-free, yet candy date. Ask her what she desires to do. If she does not care what you do, advise a pizza and a action picture. The action picture will shop you occupied - to a factor. once you hit that factor, communicate approximately her. If she will become uncomfortable conversing approximately her, initiate conversing approximately your pursuits, yet attempt to no longer sound caught-up or narcissistic. communicate approximately issues that set you aside from others. as quickly as you lose interest of that, you are able to communicate approximately your elementary pursuits which you pronounced. If all else fails, communicate approximately despite you probably did (pizza, action picture, etc.). Oh, and consistently be your self. ladies LOVE somebody who trusts them adequate to be themselves or maybe lead them to snigger (confident, it particularly is actual- it particularly is no longer only a chick flick element). usual, be her ultimate chum. desire issues artwork out!

Answer 3

Capture her with a master pokeball.



No no no, but seriously, I have no idea