I always get stuck with the tab when me and my boyfriend go out?

Question

When me and my boyfriend go out to dinner I always end up paying, FOR BOTH OF US. He also asks me for money all the time. Its really starting to annoy me. I am a very generous person and a push-over at times. My boyfriend has no job but hes currently looking for one. I like going out to eat but when im with him i try my best to refrain from doing so because i know that I will have to pay double the amount i would if i was just paying for myself. The first time we went out to eat, i was really hungry and he said he didnt want to go out. I told him i would pay for it so he agreed. About a week after that he asked me if we could go out to eat, which kinda confused me like why would u ask me?? When we went out to eat and the tab came he didnt even pick it up. I asked him if he was going to get it and he said he thought i was paying.. LIKE WTF?? U assumed i was going to pay & UR THE ONE WHO WANTED TO GO OUT?! I payed for it angrily.. A few weeks later i wanted to go out to eat and i knew i was going to have to pay, so i did. A few more times we went out and i picked up the tab. After that i was getting comfortable around him and it was easier for me to express my opinions. I kept telling him how i always pay for him and it is kinda annoying me. I then asked him when he was going to take me out.. He said he would eventually. The next day he said "Lets go out to eat" I said "Ok are you paying for it?" He said "Ill pay for me" I said "ok lets go". After we ate the tab came and i picked it up, put my money in for the food i ordered and handed it to him.. He looked at me and said "Uh, i dont have any money on me right now ill pay u back".. LIKE EXCUSE U!?!? I stared him down like are u serious right now. I expressed to him that HE was the one who wanted to go out to eat and HE was the one who said he would pay for himself. But ofcourse, i picked up the tab because i didnt even wanna know what would happen if we didnt pay.. I refused to go out to any restaurants with him after that. But i love going out to eat. I cant just hang out with my boyfriend and not go anywhere because im afraid of breaking my bank. Also he still asks me for money but iv learned to say no most of the time. Wow i feel so embarrassed for him writing this. Is he really that bummy? This exact scenario has happened with a few boyfriends in my past also... Is it just me??? Is it my fault for enabling him? How can i put a stop to this? I dont want to break up with him.

Answer 1

Of course it your fault for picking losers, and worse yet, sticking with them.

You are a push over and way to generous by half. Sure, when our friends are in need, out of a job and broke, we like to help out. But their is a limit to generosity.

He's become a user, and using you and lying to you as well.

You stood up, asked if he would pay his own way for one meal, he said yes, then the check came and suddenly, he's broke again. He must have known before you went out, we all know what we have in our wallets.

So you do have a choice, stop enabling him, dump his sorry ***, and get over him.

Believe me, these guys, never change. You are responsible, and he's not.

So put up with his antics, pay his way and shut up about it. or get your head and heart straight and find some guy worthy of you.

He'll have a hard time, finding another girl like you, in a hurry.

Answer 2

Stop paying for his food, stop giving him money, and stop spoiling him. You're not his mother. He needs to get a job and start supporting himself. Don't feel bad for him. If he wants money then he's going to have to work for it like we all do. If you continue to keep giving him money and buying his meals then you're only encouraging his behavior and allowing yourself to be walked over.



A grown man should not be asking his woman for money all the time. Tell him to get off his lazy a** and find a job. If he can't do that much then you need to do yourself a favor and find a guy who can not only support himself, but offers to pay the tab every once in awhile.

Answer 3

Your boyfriend really should start pulling his own weight or i would lose him. i have dated guys like this too and believe me they dont change and don't even appreciate all u r doing for them. he should be paying atleast fifty percent. also i notice that when you do too much for people they tend to lose respect for u. If he is selfish with money he will become selfish in other ways as well. i have joined match.com and noticed that these guys are quite traditional and pay their own way. u may want to give this a try

Answer 4

Now you know what guys go through, but we are not allowed to complain. Honestly though, he does sound like a scumbag from the way he handles the situation. But you have enabled it, so he know he can get away with it.

Answer 5

next time you go out say "i only have enough money to cover my own meal...sorry!"