When is it okay to try something new in the relationship?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been intimate and I decided to spice things up and try something new & freaky. Well, he broke up with me and said that he was thrown off by that act and that I was no longer wife material because he knew that he would not be able to satisfy me sexually. 1) When is it okay to try something new (ie: how long into the relationship)? 2) How should I respond to him, I feel something needs to be said for closure.

Answer 1

save your breath, he's an uptight loser who's probably a hypocrite.



i think you should be able to suggest something new whenever you feel like it. if your partners not interested, then they can let you know without being an ass about it. if they do react in shock and disgust, then it's not a good match, so you should look into finding someone with similar interests.



cheer up, that guy's a big douche that probably gets off on this stuff because he's insecure about his own sexuality.

Answer 2

First off, the problem is probably with him and not with you.If he has that little confidence in his ability to satisfy you and that little willingness to experiment, you probably wouldn't be too happy with him in the long run. It's okay to try new things at any time. It's best if you state your interests first and make sure you're both willing to try it, but there isn't really a waiting period for experimentation. You don't say what the act was but as long as it didn't involve more people, well, what was the problem? It's not like a man can't learn new things, and if he wasn't willing to, well, that should tell you something right there.

As for closure? Him telling you that you are "no longer wife material" because you wanted to experiment? You could keep in mind that he is no longer husband material because of his lack of openmindedness and an obvious lack of the ability to compromise.

How many times do you do something/learn something just to please a guy? They should be willing to do the same for you.

Answer 3

Perhaps you should have discussed your "New and freaky" tactics with him prior to the act, rather than surprising him. Maybe he has some insecurities with his own sexual abilities and depending on what your new thing was, you may have offended him.



How far into the relationship you decide to try new things varies. I don't think there is an exact time frame, like at exactly the 3 year mark is when you should bring up the subject of vibrators...it depends on how comfortable you are with each other. If you've only been dating a short while, then its probably best to keep your deepest, ravenous sexual desires to yourself for a little longer. But, if you've been together several years and you have an open relationship where you can discuss your love-making objectively and you feel safe about telling your partner what you'd like to try, or what you'd like to introduce into your routine, then by all means, tell them everything. If your partnr really loves you, they will not scold you for telling them what you'd like to try. I'm not saying that they'll always be into the same things that you are, but your partner should at least listen, and then possbly offer a compromise if what your suggesting isn't exactly their cup of tea...



As far as what yu could say to him, I would apologize and tell him that you were merely trying to add a little excitement to your sexual repitoir and if it upset him or made him uncomfortable, that you are sorry and certainly did not intend for that to happen. If he still chooses not to be with you, there isn't much you can do about it but then sounds like you two were not a good fit in the first place then.



Sounds like he subscribes to the whole "Madonna Whore" theory...

Answer 4

Why did you introduce it to him the way you did?



If it was not a part of your regular intimacy, sometimes it's best to talk things out before surprising your partner. I know what you are going through.



I am a man and I have tried new things with partners and even though you think it is working out, it many cases it backfires in your face sooner or later. The problem is that they waited a while or a long time to communicate that to me and because of it, held it against me because they weren't truthful with me to start with.



So the bottom line is, in the future, when you develop an excellent relationship with someone, communicate with them and find out what they think about what you are thinking. It doesn't hurt to talk about it and if they're not feeling the same way about it as you, then you will understand. If there is total disagreement about what you are looking for from them, then maybe you are not with the right partner anyway.



I hope that helps.

Answer 5

your bf is obviously not sexually attracted to you...since when did a guy refused to that kind of intimacy...unless, you tried that on your first date..usually, there should be an unsaid understanding that you both feel like doing it right then...there should be no inhibitions between you if you have a meeting of mind...believe me, he is not worth it...he couldn't open up for you...and that you deserve something better who will want to do things with you and try something new for your relationship to grow...it must be something special and not something gross to look back to you know..even if you two get separated, because once in your life you've loved each other...and if at start he sees it as something to be turned off (whatever you two did), he's not worth keeping because he's not willing to share those experiences with you..it doesn't make you a less wife material...

Answer 6

This chap is just giving you an excuse to dump you....no longer a wife material?!....he's a jerk and you should move on to more better qualities than cracking your head to make him "satisfy" with you....a physical player can never go satisfy no matter how wonderful you are becos the wrong move you made is he had no longer find your body interesting after "seeing it"....this chap only interested to explore the unknown body....you get it?

Answer 7

its ok when you both decide you are ready and have discussed it.

If he left because of it, whatever it was, and it was discussed, i think he just wanted a way out and used that as an excuse. Honestly i would just let him go but would let him know how you feel he was wrong for not voicing his concern before the it came to your breakup.

And tell him wives do freaky stuff, thats how they stay wives

anyway good luck to you

Answer 8

Guys are really confusing over the "freaky" stuff. They want you to try different stuff and be forward, but if you are, it makes them feel inadequate. Maybe if you expressed to him that you don't need the "freaky" to be satisfied, that you thought he might like it, and see where the conversation goes from there.

Answer 9

There's nothing wrong with trying new things, especially when both are comfortable. Unless it involved another man, whats his problem??



It is odd that he is saying your no longer wife material, but how would he know without trying?

Answer 10

After you both have talked about it. There is no time span at all. It all depends on how open and comfortable you both are with your sexuality. You must be honest and up front first. That is the key. He lacks self confidence. You need to reassure him that nothing can replace him.

Answer 11

Well its okay to try something new when you feel that it is and he feels that it is you should have talked to him before it happened well for closure just sit down and talk about everything how you feel, how he feels why you did it and how you still feel about one another and more that will really help.

Answer 12

good lord! What did you do??? I didnt think any act would turn a guy off that way-unless you wanted to take a crap on him or something along those lines....maybe he is just using that as an excuse for what ever is really bothering him

Answer 13

when old things taste like quaker oats. talk to each other, work it out. sex is something, but it's not everything....you can still make it new by simply doing new things. you, if you feel you're better in bed, help him out. help him know what you want.



you can try something like 'dressed foreplay'---that's what i call it. i mean, you can dress like a cheerleader or a nurse, or anything your husband like. and you can tell him to dress like a traffic police officer, an army guy, or anything manly. usually it'll make a man feel more man. therefore, he will be motivated to satisfy you with your sexy costume and his pair or black boots or something. just try it

Answer 14

FIRST OFF, DON'T BLAME YOURSELF. i know a lot of guys who are insecure like this. they tell their GF all their fantasies, and then as soon as the GF acts on them, the guy freaks out for wahtever reason. this can work both ways, but usually its the guy freaking out. why? Most women see partaking in fantasies as adding a layer of trust, while most guys see it as the woman turning into more of a "Whore". (Agian, most, not ALL on both sides). so while the woman sees it as "Look what I am willing to try!", the guy sees it as "If she acts that way with me, she'd likely be willing to whore around with anyone".



yeah, its silly, but its the reality a lot of guys live in.



as far as a time frame, there is no "Time" to wait really. it varies from person to person. if YOU are the one wanting to try something new and freaky, introduce it slowly to him. mention it during sex, when you are all worked up. if he seems really freaked out by it, just say "it was just talk, I'd never act on it". he'll either be relieved, or curious to try more. if he ISN'T freaked out by it, chances are he is up for it, just didn't know how to bring it up to you.



if HE brings it up, don't seem overly eager to try it! for example, if he mentions bondage, don't run out and buy a super-heavy set of chains and restraints. It will, again, set off his insecurities.



Most guys TALK about fantasies, but less-than-most actually are courageous enough and trusting enough of their woman to act out on them. I am fortunate enough that my wife was receptive to my ideas, and now she comes up with ones on her own. I've never felt threatened by her aggressiveness either.



as far as the closure thing, others have already given you darn good advice, better than I can offer.



good luck, and happy Freaky-ness!

Answer 15

I think you should really know the guy your with and then new things won't be such a big deal. This guy was a jerk...I'm sure you'll make a great wife lol : )

Answer 16

Tell him you thought it would be nice to spice things up but you didn't mean to send him that message.

Answer 17

It is ok when you both feel it is ok, you didn't do anything wrong putting it out there. Maybe you just aren't sexually compatable

Answer 18

Trying something new should come when both of you are willing to make a change....

Answer 19

It might have just been an excuse to break up. Everything is a test.

Answer 20

its ok to try something new when BOTH of you think its time to put some exitment in your relationship

Answer 21

that guy sounds like a jerk! if he is not willing to please you then he is not worth it. The fact that he broke up with you is strange and i think you could do better

Answer 22

try something new when you both want to. I wouldn't say anything to him walk away

Answer 23

Tell him to get over it and he should get better in bed, instead of being a little wussy

Answer 24

beats the heck out of me

Answer 25

whenever you feel like you both are ready. it takes time. and if you are, tell him or let him know in someway. he might be or he might not be.

Answer 26

my dear... if he is that unresponsive to your prowess he needs to go back to the car and find a "back-seat" girfriend. Now... if you really want to get "kInKeY"..........