Boyfriend chatting to girls online. Advice please?

Question

So I found out a few months ago that my boyfriend is chatting to girls online, they contacted him via Skype (Ive since had people do the same thing to me but I chose to ignore them). I was pretty upset when I discovered this, and when I confronted him about this he lied. When I told him I saw his contacts and his chat history he owned up to chatting to these girls out of loneliness (he’s away with work for 3months on his own) in the evening after work when theirs no one to talk to. I asked him if he was chatting to girls elsewhere, he said no, I asked to see his Gmail account and found that he’s chatting to one girl in particular, a lot. She lives on the other side of the world so I know he’s not meeting her or anything but I’m worried that because this was something he was keeping secret from me and when confronted with it he lied.
Do you think I should be worried? Would it be too much for me to demand that he stops talking to these people?

Oh the messages/chats where just about everyday stuff nothing more (well that I know about…..)

Answer 1

this sounds like a replay of my situation a few months ago. my boyfriend was chatting with girls on this one site (happened to be the site that we met on) and it wasn't about everyday things lol. i also checked his email and SHOCKER he was messaging a particular girl as well. i flipped. he said it was cause he was bored. he didn't lie when i called him out, but he tried to at first. but just like you, when i quoted some of the things that was said, he gave in.



i don't think you should necessarily be worried, but definitely keep an eye on him. if he's just talking about everyday things, then whatever. that's one thing. but if that's all he's talking about then why would he lie? good question to ask yourself.



i don't think it'd be too much to ask him to stop talking to them. it'll give you some piece of mind and he would always use that time to talk to you, whether in person or email. all i have to say is, i've been in the same boat. we're no longer together, but i hope things turn out better for you. good luck!

Answer 2

That's a tough situation. I have the same issue with my boyfriend on myspace it really bothers, but I think you have to trust him some men just get a little thrill from chatting and I think as long as it doesn't evolve into meeting in person or talking on the phone it isn't a big deal.



I also believe that if he's being unfaithful you will know, women usually can tell.

Answer 3

Hello,

You never really know, do you?

On the surface, it is harmless, and you can rest assured that you don't have a thing to be worried about.

However, since your boyfriend lied to you, means he's deceitful, and this places your relationship in question.

You need to reapraise your relationship, and whether fidelity is important to either of you.

That means relationship with chatlines.

If you think you should be the only one with whom he chats, then you need to make that clear to him.

Lastly, there is something to be said regarding being controlling and suspicious on your part: If you expect an honest relationship, you must in the future, respect his right to privacy.

Hopefully, you will build a bond of trust between you two. That means moving your relationship to a higher-level, or both of you move on to other things.

Respectfully,

Will in IL

Answer 4

You have every right to ask him to stop talking to those girls. If it makes you feel bad, he should understand and cut off contact with them.



I've dated guys where the same thing happened, the guys lied about it and once you find out that your boyfriend/girlfriend is lying to you about one thing, all of your trust goes out the window. What's worse is that they're most likely lying about other stuff as well. It's hard to try and rebuild trust, it can be done if BOTH of you work at it together.



Hope this helps!

Answer 5

It's normal for guys to like porn, a lot of women watch it too, however, it's really up to you how you feel. I would personally draw the line at a live girl doing things just for him just because it would make me unhappy and there is the chance that he could form an emotional connection to her. Decide how you feel and then tell him, tell him what your limits are to be in a relationship with you and impose rules. You shouldn't be unhappy or jealous in your relationship, a guy that loves you would do anything to keep you.

Answer 6

I wouldnt worry too much .

If its just general chuit chat then its fine .



But i do know how you feel .

And you wanna know everything theyre saying , cause to you its a big deal.



I do know how you feel , but at the end of the day you just have to trust him .



And at least he told you and showed you it ,



I dont think he kept it a secret from you i just think he classes ut as every day chat.



I mean if it gets to be anything mroe than that then you need to stop it before you get hurt.

And if he starts sneeking around then i'd ask him ,



My boyfreind got chatting to someoen online , and then he eneded yp cheating on me with her .



But he did'nt tell me what he was doing , i just found the chat log one day .





Just keep an eye on things .



:)

Good Luck

Answer 7

i don't see there being a problem if he is just chatting to girls, if he is being friendly and nothing is coming of it what's the problem. If it turns sexual that's when the trouble begins....



however, why did he feel the need to lie? if he hasn't got anything to hide he shouldn't have lied at all. And i think it is the lying you have to concentrate on not the online talks. if he can lie about something as simple and 'innocent' as this what else can he lie about?



Talk to him, discus how you feel and ask him why he felt the need to lie.

Answer 8

Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But think about this: you've invested so much of your time and energy into another person; you've made a solemn promise; and you still know there's love, even if it's hiding underneath the surface. This website will show you how to save a marriage and avoid divorce, even if you're the only one trying https://tr.im/CjR6l

Answer 9

My boyfriend use to talk to girls on the phone and text them. As far as i know im not sure he ever meet them up. Either way in my book this is consider cheating! One thing i hate is people lying at me!!!! Liars! omg i hate it! Talk to him and ask him whats going on?! Communication is the key to a health realtionship. good luck.

...... oh by the way after i had long talks with my bf this whole him texting and talking to girls stop. put him in your place and see if he would like you chatting with guys online or even lying about something.

Answer 10

Well if the guy had not lied, I would not have been worried about him chatting with other women. But since the guy had lied, I would be a bit concerned.

Answer 11

It's a little worrying that he lied to you about talking to these girls but maybe he did that because he knew you'd be upset.

If the conversations aren't sexual then he really is just chatting to them out of loneliness.

I don't think you should stop him talking to them though.

Answer 12

i don't think you should be worried about the chatting in particular.. You should be worried because he is starting to lie to you! If he starts to lie ya'll are going to lose the trust bond in your realtionship... I think you should tell him how you feel and ask him to stop chatting online just to be on the safe side..

Answer 13

Well guys keep things hidden from their girlfriends because they don't want to start an argument with them. So they hide it to show that they care. Their are also men that LOVE to LIE but your boyfriend just seems that he is keeping his "chatting online" from you because he doesn't want you to worry about anything. Don't worry they are probably just friends. Don't get jelious or worried about it he probably talks to her because he is always busy working and he needs a friend to get close with. =) okay and if you see any differences with him just sit down and start talking with him not only about your relationship, but how he is doing with his life =)

Answer 14

He shouldn't have lied to you as it was only chatting about random things.

He should have just admitted it.

I dont think he would cheat on you cause he sounds like a nice boyfriend.

But he shouldn't have lied to you unless there's something he is hiding.

Answer 15

hey girl i loved ur answer on the 2 PM thing anyway, back to this. if your BF is chatting to other girls online that means he is probobally cheating on you and if he tells you he is going out to dinner and doesn't come back until 10 PM u are screwed. he is cheating on you take this advice!!!!!! sadly he might break up with you.

Answer 16

Hey,

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Regards

Answer 17

dont worry... nothing will go on between these people.. and its not cheating... it is bad that he lied.. that you will have to talk to him about.. otherwise forget about it.. people do stuff when they are bored.. im bored so im writing this answer for you.. and we could live on the other side of the world.. :) theres nothing to worry.. most guys like talking to girls online to show off.. its dumb really...

Answer 18

Hey, you should not worry about him; he does have the right to have additional friends that are girls, as long as it does not turn into something more then that.

Answer 19

Quite frankly. the lying is more concerning than the chatting.



It's very reasonable for you to demand he be honest with you, otherwise, how can you trust him in a relationship?





Luck

Answer 20

If he had nothing to hide....why did he lie?

That's why you SHOULD worry about all this.

And yes....ask him to stop...Its not healthy to suppress the things that annoy you in a relationship.

Answer 21

Well then ask him if you're good for him and if he says no dump him after he starts to hurt your feelings more.

Answer 22

If the conversations weren't sexual then I don't understand the problem, surely you must speak to men everyday of your life ?

Answer 23

yeah he LIED!!! thats a HUGE one you dont just get over that.

Answer 24

as long as its not sexual then you have nothing to worry about,

Answer 25

tell him that the lie is what it bothers you