Am I right to be annoyed?

Question

Hi there,

Before me and my boyfriend got together a girl who works with him once tried to kiss him on a night out. He declined as she had a boyfriend and didn't want there to be any awkwardness between them in work.

However, he did find her attractive and before me and him got together there were lots of flirty emails going back and forth between them which I have seen, but it never went any further than that.

Now, she has started talking to my boyfriend about problems in her own relationship. Intimate details like the fact she has been cheating on him and doesn't know what to do about it and asking him for advice.

I feel like this isn't appropriate and I dont like my boyfriend being her confidante especially as he agrees that she did fancy him and probably still does.

My boyfriend does not understand where I am coming from so I would just like a little advice as to what I should do and whether I am justified in being p**d off.

Answer 1

With work colleagues my dear this go's on all the time most people keep it from there partners and in my opinion so should your guy



Best of luck with it

Answer 2

It is totally understandable that you would feel threatened a bit by their relationship. However, if you have explained this to your bf already, and he is totally honest and says that he has no interest in her romantically, then it may be the time that you must just trust him. Good relationships are built on trust. It is often times difficult, but if you don't have trust, then you may well have nothing. If she is telling him about her cheating, and he has already seen that she was willing to cheat on her bf by trying to kiss him, perhaps he would keep those things in mind and not view her as an option for a relationship? The only way I would still feel uncomfortable about them is if he is the sort of guy that would do things with a chic sexually without regard to other relationships or cheating, or if he starts purposely hiding information or their friendship from you. In those cases, you must decide if this is something you want to tolerate. Open communication with him is going to be very important, and try not to allow your jealousy to turn to anger and be displayed to him when you are talking about this subject, as he may become defensive and believe that you are trying to accuse him of things. Otherwise, if you feel he is being honest, start asking yourself why you are being so jealous?

Answer 3

your boyfriend is allowed to have friends who are girls. this girl does seem like she might be laying the groundwork for making a move on him, but that's not his fault, it's hers. he can't very well tell her to shut up and stop talking to him, since he works with her. you have to be very diplomatic at work, and make sure people like you. if all he's doing is listening and being polite, then he's not doing anything wrong. if you have a problem with the way this girl is acting, maybe try talking to her and marking your territory.



And you mention these emails that of his that you've seen... how exactly have you seen them? and why was it any of your business if it happened before you two got together? you might want to relax your grip on this guy. being too possessive and demanding explanations for behavior that occurred before he was yours is a sure way to drive him right into the thighs of another chick.



and what's wrong with this guy not kissing her because she had a boyfriend? that's just silly. if he was single and he found her attractive, whether she had a boyfriend or not shouldn't have made any difference. I just don't understand some guys.

Answer 4

Try to help him...pretend you guys are just "friends"...what kind of advise might you offer?? If you push too hard...you might get the opposite effect...try your best to tell him briefly how you feel and why...then let him do the talking...what does HE think he should do? Also, to help him better understand, maybe you could turn the tables and ask how it would make HIM feel if the roles were reversed?? Doesn't feel too good when someone is outward showing interest in your boyfriend.....Good Luck!! Hope everything works out for you!!

Answer 5

I think you have a right to be annoyed. I would be.



It is kind of innappropriate, seeing as she did like him before, and he could be giving her wrong signals by 'being there for her'. I'd tell him that it makes you uncomfortable because after all their background history, it doesn't seem right that she should be talking to him about stuff like that.



He needs to understand that if it upsets you like that, he should listen to you and keep away from her. She's just trouble.