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2010-08-03 03:41:21 UTC
I have a friend who is my schoolmate (3 years) and my college mate (4 years).. He is one among the toppers in our school & college. Too intelligent fellow
When we r in school, I didn’t speak with him. He used to have a feeling that boy’s r great and can doing anything when compared to gals. Once unexpectedly on our Rakhi festival my friends and myself tied rakhi(Raksha Bhandan) to him. He gave me a gift for that. But after that he didn’t speak with me. I mean that we didn’t have any friendship at that time.
But once when we entered into college. He started doing friendship with me.As I already tied rakhi in our school age I used to treat him as my brother and we created environment that every one in our college to think our friendship as brother and sister relation. Day by day our friendship became strong.we used to talk on phone day and night…we are not ready to miss each other. So we introduced each other to our family members also and he got a chance to stay a week in our house. we enjoyed alot. I used to talk with his parents regularly.We thought to be friends forever (i.e.., even after our marriages also) and make our future families as family friends. Once he asked me that will your brother doesn’t sit beside you and touch you? I said he will. I think this is the 1st wrong step I did in my life. While going to hometown we used to go together as we are from same home town. From then he started to hold my hands strongly whenever it is possible. Day by day we became closer and closer. He started keeping his hands on my shoulder also. I don’t want to miss him. So I didn’t mind about that. Once on his birthday, with the helps of his friends I arranged to cut a cake at 12 in mid night. He surprised a lot becaz that was his first cake to cut on his b’day itseems. This is 2nd mistake I hope. He felt so happy and said I Love You. By hearing this I really shocked and thought to be away from his life. For 1 hour I didn’t speak with him. He started crying and convinced me in such away that there is no wrong saying I Love U between Brother and Sister. I thought its ok because I have ever seen a boy crying that to because of me. I don’t want make him cry mainly on his b’day and don’t want to loose his friendship also. So i took lite..On his b’day we went to restaurant and movie. In theatre. He suddenly misbehaved with me by touching my breast directly. I didn’t expect this from him. Really shocked. I got angry and left from there. He tried to cal me. I didn’t lift his cal. I am totally disturbed and cried a lot. His friends called me and said that he his beating himself and crying a lot. So I again called him and said that don’t repeat this again in our life. For a movement he accepted and again started saying what is wrong doing like that? We r not going to participate in sex. Just I want to be close. That’s all. I will not do anything he said. I got angry but he convinced me by crying. this is the another mistake i did. Without knowing myself, I started loving him. He touched every hidden part of my body and made me to touch his hidden parts also. Day by day we became closer and closer by touching each other. But we didn’t go in deep. But we forgot our relationship. This is the main mistake i did.ashamed of myself.
From final year slowly he started avoiding me from him and his family and for every small thing started quarreling with me. I didn’t understand why he is doing like that. Sometimes I thought that he totally enjoyed with me and now he felt bored so he is avoiding. I got angry and I too tried to avoid him. But whole heartedly I am unable to do that. I am thinking to be away from him but practically I am unable to implement that. Tried so many times but failed why I don’t know?
Even though we are disturbed by these activities we didn’t neglect our studies. He is the topper of our college and I am topper of my class. After our engineering life 1 year we didn’t speak to each other. I am unable to forget him. When I think about our relationship and what we did I felt so ashamed of myself and I tried for suicide also. But thinking about my parents I am unable to do that. And unable to forget him also. I am totally disturbed So again I made a contact with him. He said that if it is possible to be as only friends(no Closeness and talking about flashback)then I’ll talk with u and i like to be as ur brother. No more than that. I am unable to think him as brother, but I want his friendship so I agreed with him. Now he went to states for his MS and I am doing my M.Tech here. Only on my b’day he calls me just to wish. rather than that he will not speak a word. Mostly we will be in online but once in a month he will chat with me that to hi bye only. I decided that he avoided me. So I am also being away from his life. But now it’s times for my marriage. My parents are searching for my partne