Do you think this can work (love question)?

Question

So... I have a sort of weird relationship question.

My whole life, I've felt a little out of place. I like books more than TV or movies, and I'd rather talk than text. I'm serious about school, and I have a really great group of friends. My parents are well-off enough and my relationship with both of them is strong. For the most part, I'm content and fulfilled.

But there's something missing. I've dated before, and I know what I like a guy to be: smart, confident, and funny. I typically go for taller guys with darker hair. I wouldn't say I have an affinity for older guys, but I do often end up with a guy who's a couple years older; it's not about a stigma, or a type, but more about finding a guy who's intellectual and funny.

I met someone a month of so ago, a guy who just... gets me. He's hilarious, he's cute, and we both want to go into medicine. He seems pretty into me, in the sense that he's certainly checked out my butt before and we've had long, thoughtful talks. He's asked me about my plans for the future, and isn't afraid to have banter-y arguments about serious issues with me; we usually talk about politics (he's a not-so-serious Republican and I'm a die-hard liberal). I actually met him at a dinner party of my parents', so I know they like him.

Here comes the complicated part--but before I get there, please keep in mind everything you just read: we sound like a great match, right?

I'm in high school--15.
He's in college--22.

Please, please consider the following:
He is in no way, shape, or form a pedophile or whatever the version of that is for teenagers. He's had a series of good relationships with adult women. Teenage girls aren't "his type" and he didn't go looking for one. We didn't meet at some seedy club, and he didn't try to pick me up.
Until very recently, he didn't know how old I was. Since then, he's been less affectionate.
I think he's sort of interested, but he hasn't made a move, hasn't tried to get me to have sex with him or drink or pressured me into anything. He's merely been slightly flirtatious and checked me out. We've hugged, but only in platonic hello/goodbye settings like we do with everyone else.
I am incredibly mature for my age (I've been told so, but I also know it) and have been seriously considering graduating high school early to get a jump-start in college.
I've dated older guys before. They don't intimidate me--I'm outspoken and opinionated, and if something made me uncomfortable, I'd say so.
I don't have "daddy issues". My father is a hugely important presence in my life and I love him.
My parents are, in fact, 22 years apart.
Both the guy and I are pretty patient and if it came to it, I'd be willing to wait a year or two. I'd just rather not. Neither of us really want/need to have sex right now, but if we did, it would be consensual. He's not taking advantage of me.

So:
1. Do you think we have a chance?
2. Do you think he sounds into me? (you may need a little more info. Sorry.)
3. If we did end up dating, would you suggest keeping it a secret?
4. How do you think I should act around him?
5. Is there a subtle way you think I should let him know I'm not creeped out by him and am actually really interested? He's not going to--he's too good a guy.

Thank you so much for reading all of that! I hope it was cohesive and coherent--I certainly tried my best.

xx,
S

Answer 1

This does not sound like a predatory situation. It does not sound like you are being taken advantage of, and it sounds like you have a good mental and intellectual connection. If anything, it sounds like there is a fairly equal balance of power in your involvement.



There is no law against you two dating. Nor kissing, holding hands, taking windy walks; there isn't even a law against him sleeping over your house (you sleeping at his may be somewhat iffy considering you are a minor). The only laws in place specifically govern sexual contact.



Laws vary by state. It appears that you posted this within the united states, but I cannot be sure. What I would suggest you do is google "age of consent" and the name of the state you live in. The results you can reliably trust are from a site named "ageofconsent.com". The main page is non-functional for the most part, but the search results always refer to the actual legal documents of local courts.



At the very least, you will find out that you are going to have to wait til you have turned 18 before he'd seriously consider pursuing you. Or you may end up finding that by the time you are 16, you are considered an adult in your state. There are actually quite a number of states in the US where this is the case. So, find information and go from there.



So, if it turns out that you are soon to be legal, let him know. This might be good news for him. But if you find out that you still have three years, stay in touch with him. If he's really as awesome and amazing as you describe, and he's honestly into you, he'll wait for as long as he needs to before he can ethically pursue you.



Do keep in mind that when you turn 18, that he'll be 25. That's a big age difference at that age, but as time goes on, age gaps like that are going to be less and less important.



And that's the best advice I can give.

Answer 2

Hi



1. I think you do have a chance, boys like that will wait if they really like you. Maybe you should wait. I know it may sound patronising but you are only 15. Right now an age gap is a big deal, as you grow older that will become less of a gap. Maybe you should wait until you are about 20, 5 years may sound like a long time but it isn't. Trust me



2. Yeah if he is flirtatious, but remember he's in college around lots of girls his own age. He is going through his time of freedom, his prime time



3. No. nothing can ever be secret, everything gets out somehow its better to be honest from the start. keeping secrets is not worth it



4. Be yourself. Always be yourself



5. He will know, your body language and the way you act around him will tell him exactly how you feel.

Answer 3

It's definitely a large age gap but you sound like a very mature young women and me being a 15 year old guy, also very political, strong in school. He sounds like he's into and I think it might be tuff to tell if he really likes you or if he's attracted to a young girl of your age. If you end up as a couple don't run around telling everyone. If people ask, great tell them. A LOT of people would say its a large gap, he's a pedophile... Don't listen. If you feel it's right, it's right good luck.