Can a couple fix being taken for granted?

Question

Technically we are not a couple anymore. My ex girlfriend broke it off a few days ago after almost 4 years, she felt like i was taking her for granted. She is right, for the last couple weeks i have done things to take her for granted. I dont want to make excuses but i was going through some things, and i thought i was giving her space because she was stressing over school. I know we have broken just broken up, but i want to fix things. I know i took her for granted and i want her to know she is my number one priority, and i didnt mean to hurt her or make her feel like she was less than she really is. I care deeply about her still and want to make it up.

I was wondering if this is something a couple can fix and get past?
If i am willing to put up the effort and change, is that enough to have a second chance?

I want to know mostly from ladies, if a guy took you for granted, but was willing to change and make it work, would you give the relationship another chance? or is being taken for granted a big deal breaker that can never be fixed?

Answer 1

J-Grass- Studies have shown that there exists a cycle of four years that take place in a relationship where it will need to be REAFFIRMED and the partners have to commit to spend 4 more years together. If you both keep it in mind - you´ll be able to prevent it from taking place and one will not take the other for granted anymore.Best of love to you both!

Answer 2

You only took her for granted for a couple of weeks and she dumped you? Is that all it takes, her not being the centre of your attentions for 14 days? after 4 years



and as for the actual taking her for granted, not being so clingy isn't taking her for granted, it's just distancing yourself.



Sounds to m like this relationship has run it's course, and trying to "fix" things wouldn't change anything in the long term.



It's just not meant to be

Answer 3

IMO - the pc answer is that it would be a personal decision. My opinion is NO.





The trouble with this is how hurt she is by the whole thing, her willingness to chance being hurt again by you and your ability to let her go if you think you will be responsible for her unhappiness. We all go into things like these with the best intentions, however nothing is guaranteed. Are you sure 100% that there is absolutely NO CHANCE that you will forget she is there again and make it all about you? It would sting me more if she was like me in the fact that she treated you like the most important thing in the world and you just forgot about her andher feelings. IF that is the case there is no way she should even think that you are man enuff to do the right thing by her, and she should move on and go get what she deserves from someone who will be more willing to give it to her.





You seem very thoughful, very sorry, and very much wanting to fix this. But is your longing to repair this due to the fact that you are lonely and afraid and want to go back to what you know to eliminate that feeling? If so - then you will in some way continue taking her for granted as that train of thought benefits only you. You should take a good long look at this before you make any move. Are you really trying to repair this for her benefit or just trying to make yourself feel better? Again are you 100% sure that you want to chance breaking her heart again? I am in no way saying that you are a monster and should be ashamed of yourself for doing this to anyone, just saying you have to really be careful if you really are considering going back to square one. I speak from experience - I spent years with a very selfish man who constantly took me for granted before I had enuff of having my heart broken by him and being treated with no regard. Remembering this and parting with some wisdom I would tell you this:





IF you really love this girl and really want to show her that you are a changed man and have learned a hard lesson on the importance of treating others with the same respect they give you - let her go and leave it up to her to decide if she is willing to take that chance again. If you confirm that you were a butt, apologize, state you have learned a lesson, admit that she deserves better-go your own way but stay on her radar somehow. She will see that you have at least started to change, but make sure that you leave it up to her to decide if she is willing to take another chance with you - LEAVE HER ALONE to decide. You may lose her in the end, but she will at least take with her the knowledge that you are "getting it" and on your way to being a better man. If nothing else, you will better yourself and mature yourself for the next go around.





NEVER forget that people deserve better from you. You know your parents taught you better - honer them and be the best you can in that respect - dont use anyone like that ever again. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

being taken for granted a big deal breaker that can never be fixed.

it is true.

no way in hell would I forgive you.

I used to be taken for granted too: was brainwashed by Russian culture from the early ages, that I have to be a men pleaser.

no, I wouldn't take you back.

and I'd despise you till the end of my days.

Answer 5

Yes, you can fix things. My husband and I were high school sweet hearts, we have been through alot together. He ended up doing alot of things he shouldnt have, after 13 years things started getting physically abussive. He started cheating. I tried to leave many times but wasnt alloud to. I finally gpt the nerve to call for help, he went to jail... Saw a judge.. Was sentenced to 11 months DOC. He lost me and the kids. Now, I love this man with all my heart.... Couples go through tough times. I didnt really leave him, just wanted him to have a wake up call. We have been doing couples therapy and family counseling, and anger managment classes. Sometimes it takes you losing something to realize how much you love it. My family is better than it ever has been filled with love and happiness. It takes both people to fix things. it takes love and patients... But only real love can help you through tough times. When you get married... You make promises to your partner for better or worse....