is it ok for her to stay in touch with her ex's?

Question

So I been dating one of my friends for the last 4 months and everything is really good because she is my best friend. I know things are not perfect but as close as it can be to perfect. I know she has always had guy friends and i dont have a problem with that, but the only problem that i have is that her ex's still text message her and i told her that this is a big deal to me. I told her that its not cool for her to stay in touch with her ex's obviously its important to me so if im important to her it should matter. she said that we both have different views regarding this subject and it just makes me feel that it doesnt really matter if she stays in touch with her exs. she says that she doesnt go looking for them or makes time to spend with them but just the fact that she can't telll them HEY LOOK DONT TALK TO ME NO MORE. i never understood how could people stay in touch with people that broke their heart and made them cry. makes no sense to me. i would hate to give it my all and than later down the line find out that she had kept in touch with her ex's. makes me feel like why should i give you my all if you are still holding on to your past. i dont think it does nothing good if you are trying to build a solid relationship.she told me that "she cant be with someone that will tell her who to talk to and who not to talk to" Idk what it is if she likes the attention or if she just can't tell those people to go away. I always have a hard time with breakups and it wouldnt do me any good to stay in touch with people from the past. its the past and thats where it should stay.

perhaps you might think I am exagerating but this is a big issue for me. I am real nice guy and i feel women take advantage of that. they feel that no matter what they know i will be there for them. I hate that about myself but its how i am.

i hate to sound cocky but the truth is that I know im a darn good guy and would just hate to give my all to the wrong person. i dont want to be made a fool off :(

Answer 1

I'm sorry, but your gf is correct - it IS okay to stay in contact with exes (as long as the contact is strictly platonic in nature, that is). After all, just because your break-ups were bad, does not mean that hers were; as such, if she wants to remain on friendly terms with exes, then you should be confident enough in her and your relationship to trust her to keep things appropriate (and it's better that she's being honest with you about this, as opposed to trying to hide it from you).



Some of my closest friends are my exes. Seriously.

Answer 2

Actually, I read this. Well you're story is very common, a lot of people of both genders, when in a relationship stay in touch with their past boyfriends/girlfriends. I think that you should probably sit down with her and have a talk about this and why this may bother you. Perhaps tell her to put herself in your shoes, to see it from your point of view. Maybe this might help change her view on this whole situation. Bottom line is, you need to talk to her about this situation, and tell her to see it from you're point of view. I can see why you might be bothered, but this happens a lot more than you think. Just keep cool, and talk about it, never argue about it. (Sometimes that's easier said than done) Best of luck to you!

Answer 3

I totally understand. But you need to realize she is with you and not them anymore. She can call/text ect all she wants. when i put my foot down is when she wants to hang out with them one on one. that is a huge issue with me. she can talk all she wants. You can also do the same thing. but don't do it for revenge or it will backfire. if she wants to talk with them fine. and if you tell her no she will only want to do it more. so unless you are lacking in confidence this shouldn't matter. Just give her the benefit of the doubt. IF she is going to cheat she will do it no matter what.. with a ex new guy ect. so keeping them from talking doesn't solve anything. and you say you know your a damn good guy... well you have nothing to worry about right?

Answer 4

I read it Leroy......anyway, some past relationships end on good terms. I for one talk to an ex of mine and we r strictly just friends. I have no desire to get back with him. There's nothing wrong with being friends with a guy. And it most definitely is her right to talk to who she wants. To have a working relationship there needs to be trust. You're beating yourself up over this issue and will most likely cause problems with your relationship.

Answer 5

Oh I have been in your place before. I feel being friends with ex's is trouble. My ex was friends with all of his ex's it was obnoxious. I think he hangs onto them in case a relationship breaks he can try one of them. ha I cut ties with him and all of my other ex's. They are ex's so no reason to be friends with them. Plus why hang onto past when you are in the present. If she won't stop talking to her ex's then you have to decide what you want to do...stay with her and deal with her ex's contacting her or find someone who has same view.

Answer 6

i hope you're aware that no one is going to read this