Question:
am I over reacting?relationship falling apart?
2008-09-17 20:06:17 UTC
relationship falling apart?over reacting?

I been with my boyfriend for almost a year, he's nice and everything.
I moved in with him 6 months ago and so I clean up around the place. He lives with his brother and sister, and the place was a mess with random things everywhere. I had found a picture with him and his ex gf around the time I moved in, and he said just throw it away, and said he doesn't know what's in the apartment, and doesn't know if there are pictures anywhere else.

So I said ok, just move on, he is with me now.

Then I found another picture in his old mp3 player that he had for couple years and don't use , had 2 different ex pictures in them and he said his brother put them in the zune because his brother used the zune.

Then opened the old computer my bf never uses, and saw the same girls pictures from the zune, but I know he doesn't like her she was really fat,and not his type.

NOW, I was cleaning the garage all day today because there are a whole bunch of boxes with random old junk and right as I was about to finish, I found a photo album and said to myself, I hope there's no girl in here, and guess what, there is a girl.
There were 3 pictures in there with a girl.
I believe it is old picture, but I started crying.

Am I over reacting?
What should hapen?

Should I ask my boyfriend who she is and how long ago it was and why they broke up?

She looks a LITTLE like me and I would kick his *** if he sees me as her.

He also works from 3pm-3am in san fransisco and fremont.

So I am always home, lonely, and feel like he isn't even my boyfriend.
He just got a job in SF last month, works 7. Hours and 30 minutes there, and before I asked him how long he'd work there for, and he said 2 - 3 months, and I said does he promise he would quit after 2-3 months, he said yes.

Now he says "I don't know, it depend how the money is" and gets mad everytime I ask.

He says

" What you want me stay home all day with you and fight with you every day?"

What could I say?

Oh and his working days in SF is monday-thursday, and sundays. His other work he has to do everyday except he skips saturday.

Right now, since yesutrday, me and him have not been talking because I bought a puppy and he is all mad, and says im stupid ****, so I stop texting him and just went to sleep.

I don't want to keep living like this with him working all day, what can I do?

Please read everything and understand it and answer. I need help..
Twelve answers:
2008-09-17 20:15:24 UTC
It's time to go. Sad but true. Do you see his response to you that you typed out for us? He's done. You're done, but you just don't want to believe it. Move on. Be with someone you can spend time with and love.
JennT
2008-09-18 03:19:09 UTC
With the pictures you found, you found them in things he doesn't use so I think you are getting a little too upset for nothing. Sounds like the people who live in the house are just kinda lazy with keeping up with things. As for his work, my husband worked all the time until just a few weeks ago. It put a huge strain on our relationship. He was always so tired he didn't want to spend time with me or the kids. He finally just quit. When you get a chance, you need to sit and talk with your boyfriend and see where your relationship stands. I understand it hurts to see him with another girl, but there is a reason she is a part of his past and didn't make it to his future. In a relationship you have to choose your battles and ex's are not worth the time or energy. Most ex's don't want the other to move on and you worrying about them give them exactly what they want. They don't want the other back, they just don't want to see them happy if they aren't.
peachinspedement2
2008-09-18 03:19:06 UTC
having pictures around of an old girlfriend in things he never looks at is perfectly normal and nothing to worry about. i still have a box full of stuff from the guy who dumped me three years ago and i was in another much happier relationship for a year and a half in between then and now. people hold on to memoirs even if they don't still have feelings for that person.



the real problem seems to be that you aren't happy. you don't feel that you see him enough and you are lonely. if you were in a good relationship you wouldn't feel alone, you would feel loved and taken care of.



you may truly love this guy, but if you can't deal with him working so much maybe it's time to give him an ultimatum. explain to him that something needs to change because you feel neglected. maybe if he took you out more or made better use of the time he does have with you it would be enough. if you still feel abandoned and he isn't willing to change his schedule for you, then it's time to go find someone who loves you enough to do what it takes to make you happy.
Lorissa T
2008-09-18 03:21:51 UTC
I know how you feel. I am jealous and insecure which leads me to over react sometimes. The only advice I can give is : communicate!!! It sounds gay, but it works! Work out your problems by communicating with him, as much as possible- the more you get off your chest and listen to his problems, too, the better you will be.You have to find the right time to do this, though. You can't be bugging him at work! It is probably taking a toll on your relationship with him working all of the time, too. See if you and him could have a whole weekend to yourselves, to reconnect with each other and talk about what's been bothering you. Good luck!!!
sustasue
2008-09-18 03:13:28 UTC
You need to find something to do with your time. You're so bored that all you have to do is clean, go through his things and then nag him about it later. The problem isn't him or the old pictures of his exes or the hours that he works. The problem is you not having anything better to do. Get out of the house, find a job or a hobby, anything to occupy your time so you don't have to constantly badger him. As for the puppy, you really should have spoken to him first before you got it. You sound really self absorbed and you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Trust. ';-()
Tsunami
2008-09-18 03:12:22 UTC
you know what you are not mature enough to take all this in. first of al he told yu that he had pictures and he didn't know where they were and i know for fact my son had the same thing and its ok they were together for long while so why are you upset other then immature? then comes the clicker not to work? well then who pays bills and keeps the house or whatever you are renting? that is not a good answer if you don't know and it is like you dont' turst him and i sugguest you move out and try again later when you are more grown up .
celtic tart
2008-09-18 03:38:47 UTC
Are you over-reacting?

Boy, are you ever!



The BEST thing you can say about your live-in

boyfriend of one year is "he's nice and everything."



You fly into a childish jealous crying fit because

there are old pictures of girls he knew before you.



You're a snooping, conniving, sneaky, spoiled,

selfish/self-centered/self-serving, controlling,

immature and very un-trustworthy little girl.



I say, if you don't want to keep living like that,

then you should get out.



Get out and stay out until you grow up and have

enough self-confidence to not be threatened by

something as silly and harmless as a few old

pictures of old girlfriends.



Get out, stay out, and don't move in with another

boyfriend until you can say something more along

the lines of, 'I love him with all my heart' instead

of the very cold sounding "he's nice and everything."



Get out, stay out and give your 'boyfriend' a chance

at a real relationship in life with an adult woman who

truly loves him.

You obviously don't.
?
2008-09-18 03:16:20 UTC
You should be thankful you have a man that works.

Staying at home stuck up each other's a$$ doesn't pay the bills.

My husband works 60 hours a week. And I work part time cause we have kids. Maybe you should get a job. It would make you feel better about yourself.
JQS
2008-09-18 03:18:56 UTC
I think you are overreacting and are not understanding that those pics could have been from his exes before you. also, as you said, his house was a mess so he could have stored them away a while ago and lost them. you could have just found them and because you have all these suspicions you are annoying him because you ask over and over. he may not be proud of his history with the other girls too.
f
2008-09-18 03:16:16 UTC
about the pictures of the exes and girls, i think you're overreacting. what's wrong with keeping pictures of exes? if my boyfriend ordered me to throw away my pictures of my exes, i'd call him a stupid insecure ***** and slap him silly.



it sounds like your whining is making you guys fight, and making him avoid spending time with you. so stop being insecure and enjoy your time with him, be patient, and maybe things will work out. if they don't work out after you have tried this, then your boyfriend doesnt appreciate you and you should dump him.
Marta S
2008-09-18 03:16:10 UTC
You need to get a job and leave the poor guy alone girl. Whats the matter with you? Seems to me you have way too much time on your hands.If I were him I would kick your *** out and keep the dog, they don't *****, they make you feel welcome when you get home from work. Get a JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Geisha R
2008-09-18 03:09:59 UTC
hun, are you writing an autobiography?


This content was originally posted on Y! Answers, a Q&A website that shut down in 2021.
Loading...