My boyfriend wants sex with someone else?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and we were each others first. We broke up last year and a month later we were back together. Within that month I had sex with another person. When we got back together I told him and he was upset (which i expected) but he took a long time to get over it and im not sure if he has even now. (he has only slept with me). Now a year later he wants sex with someone else, he says he loves me and wants to be with me but wants the experience. He didn't want this until we got back together and knew that I had sex with another. I understand that he wants that but i don't think i'd be able to cope with it if he did.
He has been hiding his phone from me when he is texting and i have found out that he keeps telling people that he wants sex with someone else. He also hides his phone when his mate texts him and gets in a mood with me. He has organised days out with her and then cancelled them because i'd come home early, he has never told me about these and i have always found out from other people about it. i've confronted him about it and he see's that he should be telling me rather than hiding it, but still hides it. his excuse is 'you'll get upset if i tell you im meeting up with her', but she's his mate and i dont mind him meeting up with her but when he's hiding it, it makes me feel like something is going on.
I don't know what to do because i know that it will break me if he does have sex with someone else, but this has been going on for a couple of months now and i don't think he will stop wanting this.
Am i over-reacting on any of this? what should i do?

Answer 1

OK the way he is acting is completely disrespectful.

Although maybe you may be over sensitive (is he really hiding his phone? Are you worried enough to be checking his phone?) He should not be saying those kinds of things to friends or girlfriend.

What you did was on rebound, when you were single and you were honest enough to admit that to him.

You don't deserve this treatment and he doesn't deserve to have his cake and eat it.



Sadly, sometimes relationships just outgrow themselves. It doesnt mean you are bad people - just that the situation no longer suits. If he loves you enough, he shouldn't want to have sex with someone else. Imagine if you said the same to him-that you wanted sex with another guy? What happened when you guys broke up is irrelevant.



Sit down and have a proper chat. Let him know this behaviour has gone on for too long. He is being rude, disrespectful and suspicious. He has to make a choice if it's more important for him to have sex with another girl or work on a relationship with you.



Best of luck, be strong no matter what the outcome. x

Answer 2

When two people are in love with each other, it really should not matter how many people you have slept with. You are wanting to be with the other person and that is it. He will always wonder what it is like being with another person, but really that is not enough reason to be sleeping with someone else. He has too strong of a passion to have sex with another girl, it sounds like it will ruin your relationship. You will never look at him the same way again if you tell him go ahead and have sex with her. Good luck on what you decided to do! No matter what I think as it sit right now you are going to have hurt feelings. He does not truly love you if he wants to sleep with someone else, and if you do you will hate yourself for letting him.

Answer 3

I do'nt know you or your boyfriend so I don't really want to be out of place but it sounds like you both have certain wants/issues. I dont think you are really over reacting, and I dont know why you guys broke up but from an outside viewpoint, you say you had sex with someone else just within that month of you guys breaking up. I have a girlfriend that I love to death. We have had our arguments and had one case where we were apart. I can tell you that if I had found out that she had sex with someone else weeks after us seperating, that would say to me "well she's moved on." Again, I don't know you or him but maybe you need to take a hard look at what YOU and him want. Because to me, having sex weeks after a break up and than getting back together with the ex, doesn't work. I think he is hiding it because he honestly DOES care for you and doesn't want to hurt you. BUT if he LOVED you he wouldnt want to screw someone else. Just like if you love him truly, you wouldnt have wanted to either. I'm no expert in the matter, I can just tell you how I would feel, and I think other guys: If my gf and I broke up and we both wanted to get back together and she dropped that on me, one month after, I would see that she didn't really want me that bad, otherwise she would have been trying to get me back instead of seeing others. Sorry if I came across harsh and good luck!

Answer 4

that's not on. you are now a couple and both of you should act like that. However, if you were only broke up for 1 month and you slept with someone else in that time do you not think you were rushing into something quite serious, you must not have had time to think it through. Anyway, if he is being secretive and seeing someone else / has the intention of doing so then i definitely think the relationship is over.

Answer 5

The thing is that you had sex with someone else when you WEREN"T in a relationship with him. But he's getting sex while he is WITH you.

He's cheating on you and you know it.

Probably the only reason he wants the sex is so that he could a) be more experienced b) feels as if he's behind you and thinks that it's logical for him to be with another person if you've been with another person.



If you're not feeling comfortable with all this, which you aren't, talk to him and tell him that's it's hurting you. It seems like he's ending this relationship and starting a new one right infront of you.

Answer 6

This is not a relationship that will last sorry. There is no honesty and neither of you trust each other. He wants to have sex with someone else, he has told you this and I think this is going to happen sooner or later with or without you knowing. It is time to move on i'm afraid, you should be with a man that wants you and only you and you only want him. You should leave him sooner rather than later, if he loved you he wouldn't be considering sleeping with someone else if he knew you wasn't happy with it.

Answer 7

it sounds like he wants to 'get even' its stupid and immature. If you love someone you wouldnt care about experiencing this stuff with anyone else because you would only want them. Are you quite young? I was with my ex from the age of 17 and went through a phase when i was 19 and wanted to experience this with someone else, but never did it. The i had a terrible trauma and realised i loved him no matter what and i didnt care about having sex with anyone else, if he was my only it was good enough for me. Well it wasnt for him and we broke up!



You did nothing wrong, you had broken up with him and we officially single, if he had sex with someone else during that time, u would be upset but its something you have to deal with. If he's meeting up with someone else for sex, he obv doesnt care for you that much. And why would he stop at one? He probably wants to experiment with other people and it sounds like youre not in the same place.



Talk this through and if you have to, move on......or get hurt.

Answer 8

This relationship is over. The feeling he has isn't going to go away, and it sounds like he's already put things in motion with this other girl, or at least he's trying to. I don't think you are overreacting, but you need to accept that this is the beginning of the end. At worst he's already cheating on you, and at best he's desperately trying to cheat. Doesn't sound like there is much to save here.

Answer 9

Are you kidding me? they were NOT together when she slept with the other person. This guy is being a total jerk and he doesn't even bother to hide it.He said right to her face that he's going to sleep with someone else.

He has no respect for you and judging by his behavior, he probably already cheated on you or is surely planning to do it. What are you waiting for? unless you are ok with him sleeping with someone else, DUMP HIM NOW!!

Answer 10

sounds like he is just still hurt over what you did. this will probably make him feel as if he got even. because going to "get experience" makes no sense. he won't get "more experience" by being with someone else. sex is sex.

Answer 11

That sounds stupid. same thing happend to me and when we got back together my boyfriend just accepted i had slept with more people. If he wants to sleep with someone else. hes intersted in someone else. How can you not see thats messed up?

Answer 12

its all your fault... u did 1st too ... but better dump him if he is like that .. cut the reltionship between u n him u will not be happy any more find a nice 1 and next time never have sex to others .. its like dog can have sex with 1 another ...

Answer 13

The relationship is over. Face the facts.

Answer 14

Dump him-walk away and find a proper man who will respect you and treat you right-He's a selfish loser

Answer 15

haha thats called cheating and y would u eevn consider it thats just stupid for him to ask lol

Answer 16

you sound like my kind of bird, drop me a line next time he's out ;-)

Answer 17

Hey...you did it. Why are you making the rules for him now?