I'm pretty lost with things, and getting really suicidal and can't find people attractive?

Question

Just reposting this, I think i posted it too late at night last time to get feedback. Sorry guys and thanks for any advice.

Im a 23 year old guy, and I'm pretty lost with my life. Been to university and everything but for a number of reasons I can't really make friends and nothing really means anything to me and I just can't be fulfilled by anything. I was an 'ugly duckling' when growing up but grew into my own body by 21 (was kind of a late developer). I now do a lot of work to keep myself looking good, exercise etc. and get told by so many people that I'm really attractive and I bet you have loads of girlfriends/boyfriends but I never have had one, never had sex or been kissed. I am really conscious of how old i am now as i should hve had at least 10 sexual partners by nowto be experienced. There are 14 year old boys with more experience than me. And how a i supposed to compete with any guy my age, cos anyone would pick someone who was conifdent and experienced. You would be foolish not too.

I am being treated for depression and stuff which i have had for many years while at uni but i stupidly ignored it cos i was too scared to go to the doctor cos i thought they would laugh. Silly i know. I have read so much about this lack of friends virgin thing and everyone says oh it doesnt matter but in real life it really seems too. I thought if you made yourself look as good as possible, everything would be fixed and i would be happy. But i have never been more unhappy. I keep trying to stay positive and see the good side in everything but im starting to run out of energy. I just seem to be getting further and further into depression and feel so worthless. But its from loneliness now, not chemical imbalance. I keep trying to fix this but it doesnt seem to be working. Like people just know there's something wrong with me, and i guess they're right.

I feel inferior to every other man and like I have failed as one. I am also bi i think which makes things a bit more confusing. I just want to be close to someone i guess and know what its like to be loved but maybe i just have that part of me missing. Some people go through there entire lives and can't get love. I also really want to have children and have wanted to from the age of 19. Im pretty good with children, and find it easier to relate to a child than to an adult. People my age are now getting pregnant and engaged and have houses together with partners. I feel ive just failed at life. But I really do try to make things better, i dont just sit inside. But being on your own all the time just gets to you eventually and you start to feel subhuman. I also get really jealous of people in relationships and find it difficult to look at them. I try not to dwell on this but maybe im just one of those people who is too different for others. Also, the older you get without having sex, the more likely it becomes to experience dysfunction, cos your entire sexualisation is on your own, and you haven't developed with anyone else. What do i do about that?????? I also no longer find people (men or women) attractive, no one is really good enough, unless they are the models on tv or in magazines. I know this is ridiculous but its just kind of happened. Maybe its self conditioning?

It could be too late tote anyone now and i dont know if i can live with being this age and never having anyone. I feel pretty repulsive and dirty cos of this. And who wants to talk to someone like that. I certainly dont want to! As i said i have worked really hard to try and correct things and haven't just passed through life, but i don't know if i can live with the loneliness anymore. Its like something is dying a bit more everyday (dont want to use a cliche) but thats what it feels like, like im just running out of energy to keep myself going. I am also trying online dating and i think i always come across nice and cheery, im not ngative ever but i never get anywhere with girls or guys.

It seems that im just banging my head against a brick wall every time i try to fix things and it is getting so frustrating and depressing.

Any advice you could offer would be great ( i am seeing my doctor on friday too), and if there are any guys who went through something similar, it would be really helpful to hear your thoughts. Are there any strategies you would suggest maybe?

Answer 1

Wow...Ok so im a girl and im 17 and stuff.. so u probably need to start behind screen and work your way up this is what im saying they have chatting games or sites where u talk to people but they cant see u if u don't show them pictures there is no way u can put your profile down u only have an avatar that u make and u just make friends from there this is an app u download called Fashion story on an ipad, iphone,ipod, android, so on and so forth, u also said your good with kids well im technically a kid and the other people that play it are kids the youngest i've talk to was 8 and the oldest i talked to was 24 u probably need to make an account and make some friends, and ik u said you dont find people attractive blah blah blah but I haven't seen not one person i been talking to on that game and i been playing for about 2 whole years!!...well i've seen one guy and some other guy and they have seen me but that's it u can also get a girlfriend or boyfriend on the game..now if ur gonna do this which u really should do to get yourself energized add me on it 19jonathan96 im very popular on this game and lots of girls hate on me cuz the guys like me so the moment u post on my wall here comes the girls make sure u name ur shop something interesting like "'I'm A Man" ha ha ik stupid eh? but these girls all they want is attention from a guy and since the name of ur shop has "man" in it here comes all the girls and more then half of the girls on there r 16-18 perfect for u..technically lol so this what u need to do to get happy again on ur phone download the app Fashion Story, Name your shop something like "Im A man" add me 19jonathan96 post a comment on my wall saying "any girls here looking for fun?" and if anyone i mean anyone messes with u tell me i'll handle then people also come to me when they have a problem with someone cuz i have a lot of mouth and ik how to handle people. (ik its sounds like a girls game but many boys play it to talk to girls) If u download this app it will keep u inside the house u wont feel lonely cuz ur talking to people and it will keep u from getting jealous from other peoples relationships trust me this game is very addictive and the people on there r very funny, and if u dont want to talk to people just come talk to me i can get ya outta that spunk! and soon enough you'll be talking to lots of people. Now becuz u are older lots of girls are gonna want u.(ik ridiculous eh?) But remember no ones gonna want a picture of u but they might ask for your profile and give it to them be like whatever color eyes u have ur hair color ur height and if u have a 6 pack tell them and all the girls r gonna think your hot! dont say u dont think your attractive, just give them your profile! and ik u probably dont wanna do this but i feel u should..im a relationship expert!

Answer 2

It sounds like to me you have a fear of rejection and a fear of failure which is mind sets that you have developed over time due to short comings and due to putting your self worth in all the wrong things. If you base how you feel about yourself in relationships or success or even failures you will always be let down. And as far as you only being attracted to models or actor type looking people is the main reason your alone and will continue to be alone until you realize that quality trumps beauty any day. You said yourself that you were an ugly duckling so remember how it used to make you feel when people passed you by because you wasnt cute enough or had enough muscles. Now that you have (grown into your body) you use the same methods to pick a mate that hurt you to your core and made you feel like asking this question. Yes the world can be a cold place but its the people who have become colder than the world itself. Use your experience to make someone else life better instead of being selfish and only thinking about yourself. I believe when you lower your crazy high standards and start treating and seeing others the same way you was hurting to be treated and seen im sure love will hit you before you know it. I also reccomend that you do alot of soul searching and see just what it is you want out of life and a partner. Because im married and marriage is a blessing when it is right its about unconditional love,compromise and unselfishness. I pray that God will someday open your eyes before you scare away the 1 he put on this earth for you and also you should start a relationship with jesus christ 1st.

Answer 3

You are seriously struggling and part of it could be your own doing. Before you get defensive and refuse to read further, kindly give me a chance to explain . . .



It seems to me that YOU have put all these "standards" on yourself because of your childhood and therefore, rolled those standards into every aspect of your life which is causing more harm than good. How about thinking differently? Yes, it will be very difficult in the beginning but it's like riding a bike. You've got to train yourself. How about viewing yourself (and others) in a realistic view? Yes, models are attractive but not as "perfect" as magazines, movies and TV depict. There are plenty of other women in this world who don't fit the "model" body and are down right gorgeous!!!!! Human beings, including you and me, are imperfect. To expect perfection from someone (something) that isn't capable of perfection is ALWAYS going to be a disappointment.



You are very young and have your whole life ahead of you. It seems you've got your priorities out of whack. DON"T give life to suicidal thoughts becuase your life isn't the way you want it to be.



You've already shared w/ us what you want in a relationship, but what about your financial future? What is your area of study? Career? What goals do you have set for yourself? Maybe if you focused more on your career goals the relationship portion of your life may just fall into place when you least expect it.



Try living a little more and stop worrying . . .



P.S. If you are complimented more on how you look than on the person you are or the traits that make you who you are, then you may be struggling with identifying yourself. If you don't know who you are, your likes and dislikes, and don't like/love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?



Looks are fleeting . . . everyone ages (unless you've got tons of money and can pay for youth). So, live your life the best way you can with what you've got. Anyone who doesn't appreciate you for you doesn't deserve your time or effort! Get to know who you are and I'll bet things begin to turn around in a positive light!!

Answer 4

Okay, first of all don't worry about the whole virgin thing. It genuinely doesn't matter, no matter how much your insecurities tell you it does. Let me assure you that these 14 year old boys you mention WON'T be very 'good', and no matter all this guy's bravado most of them don't know what the hell they're doing lol. 10 by 23 is a little skanky, also. You can get yourself someone nice and traditional that will prize that, so you really have more options.



Secondly, I think you need to focus on your depression rather than the romance. Tell somebody EVERYTHING. Once you feel better about yourself, everything will rush into place. The whole world is conspiring to give you what you wants, as cheesy as that sounds, it's just up to you to recognise that.