Disturbed by my lovers past?

Question

Last week my buddy met my girlfriend for the first time. We’ve been dating for a year and a half. When she introduces herself, based on her name and the sound of her voice, he openly accuses her of deceiving him into a 5 month relationship that went on to develop off the internet, with nightly marathon phone chats and phone sex. They got very close, talked of a loving future together and she wanted to have his kids. He said they met through an online Usenet chat group a few years ago when this occurred, where she posted photos of a beautiful girl passing them off as her own. He busted her when he found the photos somewhere else on the web. She then confessed, said it started off as a joke that went too far, supposedly told him her name, where she really lived and all that. Never did send him a real photo of herself. He later found out she created several additional fake profiles using photos of very beautiful women and lying about every other detail she posted about in that online group. To stir up the level of drama he said she would create arguments between these profiles by posting mean and nasty messages on the forums and chat boards to get attention from everyone. In the end, he said she made a public apology and promised to leave the online group and not post there anymore. He ignored all her emails and hasn’t spoken to her since.

At first I laughed it off. I mean this whole thing sounds ridiculous. My girlfriend said it never happened and that she never met the man before in her life. I have been burned by a couple of deceitful girls in the past so I am a little less trusting of people at times. She is a very beautiful woman with a great sense of humor, intelligence and people genuinely like to be around her. I can’t for the life of me picture her doing something like this. We are adults for crying out loud. While trying to make sense of all this, my girl told me that she thinks someone discovered her Myspace profile and decided to use her identity and photos to spawn a new fake profile to replace the old one.

I respect and believe both of these people. Neither one has lied to me and I trust both of them and that is what makes this so hard for me. I was planning to ask this girl to marry me in a couple of months. How would you deal with this situation? Leave her and move on? Proceed slowly and postpone the marriage proposal?

Answer 1

That is in the past so give her the benefit of the doubt and base your decisions on what happens from now own.

Answer 2

One thing that holds relationships together the most is communication bred with honesty. If you truly trust your girlfriend and that she is telling the truth then its time to leave her past behind her and move forward. One way might be to tell her that - if she really is guilty of all this, then she is probably very afraid of losing you to something stupid that she did in her past. Maybe if you reassured her that you want the truth - good or bad - and then you want to leave it behind and move on, then she might feel better telling the truth and opening up. On the other hand - your friend could possibly be jealous of your relationship and stirring stuff up... I can see how this could happen due to the fact that its been a year and a half and its the FIRST time he's met your girlfriend... Either way - the truth will unfold eventually. It might almost be best to drop the issue for now. But do be cautious continuing this relationship - you don't want to get hurt again, but at the same time - don't let your fears stop a beautiful thing. Best of luck! And keep us posted :)

Answer 3

Oh my god what a puzzler!



Ok who is telling the truth? I would ask your mate why in detail he thinks it's her? ask if she had any little usual sayings or pet names, nick names etc... see if you recognize anything? What strikes me is how can he be so sure? lots of people have the same kind of voice and accent just think of how many times you have picked up the phone and not recognized someones voice or though it was someone else? Also another thing to think about is why (just say he is) would he lie? do you know of any reason that he would? is he jealous of you? do you pick up girls easier than him? One more thing, if your girl is as gorgeous as you say then why would she use someone else photo, only if your ashamed of your appearance do you do that.



On the other hand she could telling porkies, is she protective over her computer? would she let you use it? does she even like phone sex? all question you need to be asking your self.



I would love to tell you to give her the benefit of the doubt but if you want to marry her then you need to trust her and to trust her you need to know. Good Luck

Answer 4

First of all it sounds a little fishy after reading that someone got a hold of her profile. But it is the Internet and things can happen. but if you love her and she loves you. You should work things out and move slowly forward you don't want to just jump into marriage and find out its true so just take everything slow and steady. And just watch for things. I didn't have that happen to me but i had friends telling me my ex was cheat ting and i didn't believe it until i saw it with my own eyes so just take thing one day at a time and keep your eyes open that's all i can say good luck

Answer 5

Pride's not what I'd call my feelings; but since I didn't marry until I was 36 I'm glad I didn't wait all those years before giving myself to a man. I had some great experiences and learned a lot about how to please a man...my spouse had no trouble talking to me about my past boyfriends, and I never, ever cheated on him...having past loves and having someone new while still with a spouse are two very different situations and can never, ever be compared.

Answer 6

a persons past is their own business. y on earth ur friend would call her out like that instead of being a mature adult and ask her privately was uncalled for. but in ur situation bros over hoes. but then again who knows. that story of someone stealing her pictures and posing as her coul dhappen i mean its the internet anything could happen. i think u should just go with ur gut feeling. imean u love the girl, and u said urself u can forget about it since its her past. just think about if u were in her shoes would u admit to any of that when u finally found someone that loves u? i know i wouldnt. stay with her!

Answer 7

Your friend had no bussiness saying anything like that to you.

He is basing his accusations on speculations.



You love this woman, and if this did happen it is in her past , it does not involve you or your present relationship with her, let it go ,and tell them both that you no longer what to discuss it.



good luck

Answer 8

Leave her and move on