please please help me people!!! it's really troubling me!Please do answer guys!!!?

Question

I know this is long.But please spare sometime and answer.Please!!!

Well I am in a relationship with my bf since one and a half years...We both really love each other a lot.And are very serious about each other.I am a very sensitive girl.And behavior of people close to me matter to me lot.Since a few months, i am going through lot of family problems.All serious ones..I have came to know about something very gross about my family.My mom's not mentally happy.My mom's mother expired 2 months.So i am having lot of mental disturbance.Plus i am at a peak point of my career where i have lot of pressure of studies.So in short all this mental disturbance,pressure etc is happening to me since last few months.And in these same last few months,my bf's anger is going on increasing may be because he too is at a peak point of his career.And being a man,a huge responsibility of studying well,earning money and all is there on him.So may be because of this pressure,his anger has increased.In last few months we have been fighting hell lot.Actually at this stage when i need his support,he is not able to give it always as he has to also focus on his studies.so instead of supporting me,he ends up shouting at me that"All the time you feel bad about little things..You have to blame me for everything..this that.."This anger of his hurts me like hell..I keep crying due to this.(as i mentioned early,'Coz he is the person closest to my heart,his getting even a Little angry affects me a lot).I have been trying hell lot to make things between us under control,but his anger is getting worse day by day.as our final exams are coming near,i guess pressure on him is increasing and thus even his anger is increasing.I could not bear his anger anymore.So yesterday,i just wrote him a very very long letter telling him everything i was going through and feeling.He did read it.When i asked him,he said "I read your letter blindly.I actually did not get that peace of mind for reading it properly."i know this did happen.He was really very busy so he did not really get that much free space.Last night he came to my house.We got a little intimate.We got physical in short.BUt after that he was in a rush so he needed to leave.(his mom called him home).After that,he sent me a sweet text and went to sleep.In the morning,he went to a place where he often goes when he is depressed.I wasn't knowing that he is there...I was calling him since when.He finally picked up after an hour.So that time he told me,honey i'm at this place.And i'm going to another place nearby.I'm very excited to go there.So we will talk later.So i was like ya k...After that he called me up and our conversation was like this--
me:SO hows you?
him:M good...i really liked that place.Everything was very beautiful.Saw many animals,birds and all.It was good.
me:OK great...
(then i kept talking about something or the other and he was like only replying in a few words.)
then he said;"Hey if you don't mind can we talk later?I wanna study.U won't feel bad na?"
SO i said"no i wont.BUt can you talk for a few min?Actually i am feeling weird.Last night,we got physical.Then you had to rush so you went away.After that we have hardly talked.So just feeling awkward about the whole thing."
him:Ya k..But it's nothing like that.I mean it's not that i'm interested in only physical things with you.Don't take me wrong."
Me:Ya ya i know.It's just that i am feeling weird.So telling you to talk for few min so that i get rid of this awkwardness.
him:Ya sure.
Then there was silence between us.

Me:Hey i wanna ask you something.Are you like okay right now?tell me the truth.
Him:ya.i am not upset with you.Actually am not feeling good.I just wanna get out of all this.Studies,family and all...
Me:Am i also included in all this?
Him:NOt really.But your emotions are included in all this.I mean every time you keep on feeling things which are not true.Like you just did today.I really want to get out of all this pressures.


I am really hurt by this.He is the only person in my life with whom i can share my world with.He is the closest part of him.And right now,lot of things are going on in my family which are disturbing me mentally.Plus this tension of studies.I really need him and need his support.But now he himself is feeling this way.Is he at fault?Or am i at fault?What should we do now???This such a pathetic situation?Please help me guys.Please.Tell me what should i do??Please do reply genuinely.No abusive comments.only serious answers please!!

Answer 1

Which ever way I look at it, neither of you can be blamed for this situation. When seen from your boy friend's point of view, he is right in being irritated with all the emotional talk. Men are basically action oriented. Go to them with a problem and they can give you a solution, but they can't do much with emotions. Your boy friend is basically feeling crowded with all your emotional demands and is unable to cope. I can't blame him because that is how most males are. On the other hand, you are right in expecting him to be there for you too. Most women are emotional basically and want to talk about their problems and need a shoulder to cry on. You can't be blamed for that, it's your nature.



So the only solution is that each of you needs to change a little. You need to let go of all the negative emotions. It's easier said than done, but it needs to be done. Every family has a tragedy like death, unhappiness around them and disgusting skeletons in their closet. You are not alone and you cannot do anything to change the situation. If you keep thinking of what you can't change then you can't move forward in life. Give yourself a break. When you are with your boy friend, try to have a good and pleasant time. I won't say don't share your worries with him, do that, but when it is done, put it aside and have a good time. If you want to cry over something or ***** about something, do it with your girl friends, that is what they are for. At any rate a woman can understand your feelings far better than a man can ever hope to, so look to them for emotional support and take a little load off your boy friend, who is already too over loaded with his own troubles. Look at it from his point of view, he expects some happiness when he is with you. But you are only driving him further into depression with all the mopping around, so is it any wonder he is seeking out solo time? Take your time with him as a break from all tension and concentrate only on the two of you, not your troubles. You will get back to them soon enough, so treasure each moment you have with him instead of wasting all that time feeling bad about your troubles. Talk to your boy friend and tell him, he can't expect you not to share anything or get emotional at all, but that you will try to tone it down. Make it clear that he needs to put up with a little. I am sure he can handle that very well, as long as you are not burdening him all the time. I understand that family troubles hurt a lot, but when things are beyond your control, it is better to block then out of your mind and move on with your life. Don't cry over the hand you have been dealt in life, try to make it better by doing the right things and find happiness instead of clinging to unhappiness. I hope this helps.

Answer 2

This sounds like a very tough situation, and I'm sorry to hear about everything going on right now. Let me start off with it is definitely not your fault don't ever let anyone make you feel that way. It sounds like either he is going through some deep personal issues of his own or he is just making excuses to end your relationship. If he really didn't want it to end he would be trying harder and being more attentive to your feelings. The best thing you can do is try to get him face to face and sit him down without any distractions, a relaxed environment. Then lay it all out on the line, but try not to personally attack him by using 'you' because that can send the wrong message. If in the end he is still not willing to meet you halfway then it's time to start rethinking your relationship. I know it's hard but its not healthy to be dealing with all of that and he will only be adding to your stress. Hope this helps!

Answer 3

As a guy i'll flirt with you for months on end yet till you provide some style of hint i'm no longer likely to become in touch with you. prepare him the style you feal a sprint in the previous you initiate exspecting him to place his neck on the line and ask you out.

Answer 4

i think you are very sensitive.Please listen one thing that in love you have to absorb so many things without expressing it to any body & think what you can do for him. i think your selection is good in respect of your friend.you should be care full about your studies & towards Your family responsibility first depending upon your efforts only.it must be clear that you have to fight with your hurdles in life alone if anybody helps you it is better but you should try to help others in their problems & after all become a brave lady.