Question:
How can a geek get girls?
2007-10-22 15:36:05 UTC
I'm posting this on my mum's account as she suggested I come here for help. I'm a 25 year old who is by all accounts a geek, I spend all my free time sleeping, playing video games and watching anime. I've had all but 2 girlfriends in life and have been in a relationship for less than half a year in total. I was shunned at school by girls because I'm ugly and a geek. The most painful times were when girls would sarcastically say 'ooh he's fit' or ask me out and then laugh in my face. The two relationships I did have it felt more like I had to 'convince' the girl rather than just ask her.

I lost all my mates after 6th Form. Work is not so bad but I don't like my coworkers; I've asked a few women out there but they both laughed at me when I did so I managed to convince them it was a joke (it wasn't) I've been single for 8 years now. All the pubs near me are full of old people, there are no bars. I'm at my wits end, even my mum is telling me I need a girl! How sad is that? Please help!
21 answers:
Hailee
2007-10-22 15:45:45 UTC
Get an extreme makeover! Work out: get some abs and biceps. All girls like guys with a great body. Change your habits by talking, making friends, doing sports. Also you need to change your looks. Have bangs up to your eyelids and whip them occasionaly. Having shiny and soft hair is a real turn on. Wear clothes that look good for your body. Try shopping at Abercrombie and Fitch or Hollister. Be fun to be around, and the total opposite of shy.



Just make yourself look better by working out. Even though working out is hard, if will be worth it in the long run.



Good luck!
2007-10-23 04:02:59 UTC
You need to connect with the people you know - eg your co-workers - and build up some friendships. Reltionships can blossom through this or if you go out to the pub with a group of friends you can meet someone, or they may try setting you up with someone. You also need to learn to love yourself buddy, because if you dont than people can tell, and they will wonder whats wrong with you. Dont come onto a girl too strongly if you do meet someone, and (i know this is hard) but try and forget about the bad experiences you have had. Reminding yourself of them - especially if you are in a relationship - does not help and will only knock any self confidence you have.

Maybe you could spend less time on a PS2 and more time out? You could perhaps enrole on an evening course at a local college? Are you any good at art, photography or writing? Even pottery? Get a prospectus and see if anything appeals. College can be a great place to meet someone!

And most importantly, if you are as you say ugly and a geek, than you need to stop looking at yourself like that. Any woman worth her weight in salt will be able to see past the features of a man to the person inside. This goes for you guys too so dont be on the lookout for only 'hot' women.

Good luck and I hope you find love really soon!
minnow_star
2007-10-22 15:50:06 UTC
You can get a girlfriend! I've been going out with my boyfriend for 6 years (we're 23) and he's a geek! He plays loads of video games, and watches anime and even collects little figures from the games! You can't do much about being ugly but you can be friendly. Me and my boyfriend were best friends before we went out. You need to have girls as friends and then develop the relationship. Smile, be friendly and girls will love you. Maybe you could join an amateur dramatics group, or start hanging round your local library to see if any girls read the same thing as you. There are always girls in shops so hang around and when you see a girl you like find a reason to talk to her. Looking at the book or DVD she's holding, and saying 'I've read that' etc. Start a conversation, you'll get knocked back a few times, but when a girl starts responding, gently ask her if she wants to grab a coffee and take it from there. Once you've done this a few times it will get easy and you will feel relaxed talking to girls. There is nothing more uncomfortable than a guy who turns red as soon as he looks at you, can't make eye contact and stares at you when he thinks you're not looking. Try to feel comfortable around girls, use eye contact and smile, and they will feel comfortable around you. Good Luck!
Sarey Gamp
2007-10-22 23:05:19 UTC
You sound like a total defeatist with no confidence at all.

You will never attract a girl with that attitude.

Girls want a guy to have a reasonable amount of self confidence (we don't all want cocky guys but we want them to have some belief in themselves as decent human beings). If you are into the self-hating stuff why would a girl think you are worth her time?

You need to work on loving yourself before you will be of any use to a girl, sorry to sound harsh but it's true.

You say yourself that you are ugly and a geek, well why should a girl want you at all?

If you consider yourself ugly then work on your appearance. You can make yourself attractive without having to be some conventional hunk.

There are plenty of non-conventionally handsome men out there who get loads of women, how do you think they do it? Work on your personality if you don't think you can improve your looks, personality is so much more important.

Being a geek means nothing, whatever you might find geeky about yourself someone else will share that interest and enjoy too. The term 'geeky' is so subjective and means nothing. You need to get out of this self-insulting frame of mind.

When you don't look for it, if you work instead on improving yourself, you are far more likely to attract women to you.

Tell your Mum to back off and stop putting pressure on you, it's not helping.

If you have an interest (something outside of the house, so not computer games and such that isolate you further) try and get properly involved in it, you are more likely to meet people you will get on with who share your interests. Pubs and bars are not the only places to meet people.
2007-10-22 15:58:55 UTC
Hey there.

Well first of all try not dressing up as a geek if you do already. I understand you love to do what you do, but the main reason why you're probably turned down by girls is because of the way you dress. I personally enjoy studying as well, but don't dress as if I did. Instead, I try dressing up "in style" as much as I can, and still continue studying.

For the hair, you can probably try combing it to the front, and if that doesn't work too well try combing it to the back. Try buying new suits, and if you want lots of ideas on how to dress you can simply grab a People magazine (any kind of celebrity magazine) and look at what the males where. Of course their clothes are expensive, but you can try locating cheaper clothes at yard sales, flee market, Wal-Mart, any place where stuff are bought for cheaper prices. It may sound funny but you can also go to the salon to get your eyebrows done, considering some guys have excess hair hanging on their upper eye area. You can also shave all facial hair if you have any, and if you have glasses try exchanging them or buying new ones, and better yet, you can try getting lasic surgery to get contacts, which is always better than having glasses. Finally, if you talk in a weird sort of way try practicing to talk more fluently, such as talking to yourself or more with friends or family.

Good luck and I hope the best for you!
2014-01-16 11:32:23 UTC
Never never NEVER! Agree with the people saying 'get a makeover' those are the types of girls who have been laughing in your face. They would rather a man change everything about yourself just to fit in. Well.. DON'T! I'm a 15 year old boy and a geek as well (heck half of your hobbies I share) but don't let that make you think that no girl wants you. (Ok I'm a dude and no guru) but the only creative difference you have to change is maybe your clothes and get some nice aftershave. Learn to talk to girls without looking goofy. Trust me, if you can master that, I gaurentee a woman will come for you. :-) they did for me after a long time of rejection. All it takes is a little self-confidence
Deattie
2007-10-22 16:07:49 UTC
Check out seductiontutor dot com and puatraining dot com and their links. They present the stages of the dating process in a step by step way explaining what is going on and why. A true geek might appreciate this structured approach. Also why not call your 6th form mates on the off chance for a chat.
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futuretopgun101
2007-10-22 16:42:01 UTC
First of all you are looking in the wrong places.

Your interests and personality are not going to match people who go out clubbing are they?

There are loads of geeky (dont mean that in a bad way) girls out there who have the same interests as you.

What you have to learn is that at school everyone wanted to be 'cool' but once you leave school 'cool' means nothing. Be yourself and find similar people to you.

What about conventions where people who like that anime thing go? Trust me, there are shedloads of girls who like that sort of thing, they like playing computer games, they like all that stuff, and some are really fit.

So, I suggest look in new places that fit your personality. And dont try so hard, dont get into a conversation trying to make her like you, get into the conversation just wanting to get to know her. You will have more luck that way.
Phil J
2007-10-22 15:50:00 UTC
Don't listen to all these telling you to get a makeover, or join a sports team. Most importantly, never forget who you are, because you'll only find a girl you really like if she likes you as you are. Find someone who shares your interests, and who you can just have a great time with. Find someone who has the same sense of humour. Just make an effort to look your best and go and seek out girls.
Lasagna delivery guy
2007-10-22 15:45:24 UTC
okay sinds ur a geek i bet ur hair is the same as the 40 year old virgen,u know it doesnt hurt to get a new haircut,try spiky or long hair to the back or ask a barberr to find something that fits u.second work on ur upperbody strengh, buy normal cloths and not a a shirt with buttons like what the nerds ware in the movie.if u have acme buy proactive,o yeah buy pants but a little big not fit and of course a belt
superduper
2007-10-22 18:35:52 UTC
You need to get out for starters. But don't go out to bars or clubs. Jion a drama club, its so great for your confidence. You dont need to change who you are, you just need to be who you reaaly are and be happy and comfortable with yourself.



You will meet all kinds of different people there and if you don't meet someone there you like it will at least give you the confidence you need to get out more and find someone ace!



Hey some girls love geeky guys, particularly confident geeks.
j.b
2007-10-22 15:44:39 UTC
o.k this is what you do get some sun or go to a tanning salone. In your question tell what is ugly about you. get a haircut. gell it and make it spiked. THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE FOR EVERYONE. put down the video games and find a better job once you have put in your two weeks notice. oh yah and move out and get an apartment. thats if you live with your mom. and try proactive if you have acne it really works. i hope this helps i really do. AND TRY TO BE FUNNY TO GIRLS. " ITS NOT THE BREATHS YOU TAKE IN A MOMENT, ITS THE MOMENTS THAT TAKE YOUR BREATH AWAY."oh yah and work out. go to hollister and buy shirts and pants. baggy is always hot.
Phil McCracken
2007-10-22 15:42:26 UTC
The first thing you need to do is not try so hard, do not appear desperate, it puts them off.



Also, you seem to be encountering girls, but they are exposed as being shallow. The right girl won't care if you are a geek. She could even be a geek herself! Mmmmm, come to think of it geeky girls are great!
latinostraberi
2007-10-22 15:44:13 UTC
wow i kind of feel bad for you just be yourself.figure what girls like be nice be a gentleman,remember things about her littles you know and the main thing if you think you are ugly so will everybody else.i don't even know you never seen you but i know you aren't ugly.the thing people don't realize is when you get to know a person they become more or less attractive to you just by your personality.try going to the library to pick one up or the market.
2007-10-22 15:54:42 UTC
Some people don't have the social skills or the self-confidence to form relationships.



You need to accept yourself as you are, and then perhaps others will see the good in you as well.



Maybe you ought to have chosen a more usual name than "Sara L" if you want people to treat you seriously.
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Nat
2007-10-22 15:52:36 UTC
For the starters dont post in your mummy's account but at the same time a mummy's boy can be cute..hmmm
2017-02-11 01:56:47 UTC
1
2007-10-22 15:43:21 UTC
idk, get out in the clubs or something. join a club or group or sports team. Yeah I really don't know you just gotta put yourself out there.



Oh, and also the problem may be that you really do need to shapen up. Like work out and get fit, wear nice clothes and care for yourself- physically and mentally. raise your self esteem.
abby j
2007-10-22 15:43:38 UTC
get a makeover. move somewhere else (as from what you've described, you're probably in a small town?)



start anew. every second is a new one, and every second is YOUR LIFE.

enjoy it!


This content was originally posted on Y! Answers, a Q&A website that shut down in 2021.
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