Question:
Thanksgiving Incident: Do I have a right to be mad at my bf?
2007-11-23 08:30:07 UTC
Yesterday was Thanksgiving and since my parents were just recently got divorced; this was my first holiday without my family and since I just started a new job. I had to go in to work for a few hours. All morning I was dreading the holiday. I didn't even want to get out of bed. Work was easy and it was probably the best part of my day because it distracted me from crying about being alone for the holiday.. After work - I raced over to my boyfriend's house to see him & his family. I know his mom wanted me to try some of her different foods and when I got there ; everything was gone. Then, my bf tells me that he was talkin to this grl b4 i got there and that he was outside w| her.. i didn't get mad or anything cuz i trust him so then we're in his room and i thought there was gonna be a lot more ppl there so im asking about my 2 fav. cousins of his and i didnt see his dad so i asked where he was and he got mad like y r u asking all these stupid questions!! omg! i was like y did i even come over if your gonna be being mean like this? and he turns on Rugrats, he wouldn't let me change the channel and i could tell he was starting to fall asleep.. so i was like Baby, wake up!!! and he got mad and was like I'M NOT ASLEEP!!! and 5 mins later he was out like a light. So, im stuck watching Rugrats for an hour while he sleeps.. he wasn't even holding me or anything.. he was rolled over on the other side of the bed.. So, then while he's sleeping; his phone goes off - it's the girl he was outside w| so now im mad like y does he have her number?? so i just get up and leave.. he wakes up and he walks me out.. he was giving me an attitude like i dont want u to leave early i was like u were sleeping! and he's like Whatever.. i don't wanna talk about it and we said i love you and i sped off in my car.. I went to his house bc i didn't want to be alone lastnight and i was alone neway.. so then, lastnight i get a text and hes like "im mad u left".. i was like im mad u slept. he was like r u gonna do that when we get a place 2gether ; whenever i get tired. i was like No cuz thats not even the same thing. i was like but i did race over there to c u and u gave me a little over an hour of your time. i thought u didnt want to talk about it?.. he was like then u left with an attitude i was like whatever u were being grumpy since i got there. then we both went to sleep cuz we didnt want to start arguing.. at 5:30am, he texts me again and is like "im up thinkin bout u baby, i hope ur not mad at me" and at 8:30, hes like baby r u up? i texted him at 9:30 this morning and was like now i am.. i was like next time just tell me ur too tired to have me over and i won't drive all the way out there. (30 mins away) i was like u wasted all ur energy talkin to that girl and giving her your number i guess.. i dont know the whole story behind that so why dont u tell me.. he was like ok i just wanted to say sorry about yesterday then he was like WHAT! i didnt give her my number i just wanted to get out of my house and go for a walk. so then he calls me and hes like i was walkin and callin my cousins and i hit speed dial on my phone and i called shakina [the girl] and then i was like oops didnt mean to call u but happy thanksgiving and she was like oh hey blahblahblah and she came outside and they started talking or w|e and then i got there 5 mins after he came back inside. i still dont know why he had her number in my phone. he wouldn't believe that story if it happened to me and if u look in my phone, i have no boys because if i did he'd have a fit. it's happened b4 when a guy texted me. do i have a right 2 be mad?
29 answers:
greengo
2007-11-23 08:40:08 UTC
Your bf is an adult who watches rugrats????

He probably fell asleep because he ate all of the food.

You are all emotional because you are upset about your own family.

Just forget about it, just forgive and forget. It isn't a big deal.
Green Is Sexxxy
2007-11-23 08:57:06 UTC
If you trust him, then trust him. Talk to him openly about how you felt yesterday and last night. Talk to him about the girl calling him. If he has never given you a reason to distrust him, then don't look for reasons. At the same time, don't be blind...if he's all of a sudden getting calls and won't take them in front you, won't tell you certain things, is "unavailable" and won't say why, question him. You'll be able to tell if he's hiding something.



I know this seems contradictory, but I don't know your situation and I just want you to keep an open mind and heart. There is always an explanation for things. If he can't explain something reasonably and calmly there's a reason.



If you don't have trust, you don't have a relationship. Who wants to live like that? And if there are these problems before you live together, put a hold on those plans. Work these problems out first.



Also...don't let him tell you who you can be friends with...why would he get upset/jealous over having a guy FRIEND in your phone? That's very controlling. At the same time, you cannot tell him who his friends are. It's all about trust and respect.
zerotimeforfun
2007-11-23 09:02:53 UTC
Yes, you have a right to be a little upset. But I don't think this miscommunication should allow for an out right war. You two have been together 4 years so this issue shouldn't come between you two as it is petty. Whats important is you told him how you feel. To hold a grudge will only make a mountain out of a mole hill. Just talk with eachother and help eachother understand your feelings. You two don't have to agree with eachother, just take eachothers feelings into consideration. Then let the arguement go. No point in puting too much energy into this arguement as I doubt this incident will end up with a breakup. This incident wasn't that major of a problem to come between a 4 year relationship. You have to pick your battles. As not every battle will affect your relationship or how you view eachother. Fight the battles that truly matter and will affect the outcome of your relationship. Life is too short and to fight and bicker over everything will only allow for the true problems to be overlooked. Focus on what truly matters for this relationship. Which is honesty and communication. If you two can be brutally honest and communicate with eachother there will be nothing that can come between you. Good Luck & God Bless!
celestial316
2007-11-23 08:54:17 UTC
i think that you both need to be open and honest with each other. it sounds like there is mutual anger about yesterday's events. btw it makes no sense that shakina's number was in your phone and on speed dial no less.



you two might want to seriously reconsider any sort of moving in together when your fighting and he's talking to any other girl. it sounds like you should call him instead of text messaging to discuss how you felt yesterday.



bring up that yesterday was an extremely hard day for you emotionally due to the fact that it was the first year without spending time with your family during a special occassion. tell him that it really sucked that when you got off of work that you wanted to spend time with his family and explain that you expected him to be happy to see you but instead were greeted by the fact that he was spending time with someone else (don't bring up that it was a girl - only would cause a fight)



let him know you asked about his family members cuz you wanted to know and weren't trying to be intrustive and were bothered by his reaction when he said that you were asking to many questions.



also say that when you chilled out you just left because you didn't see any point in staying any later than you already had seeing as he was asleep.



after explaining all this tell him things could have gone better and you both reacted in anger and you want to hear what he has to say.



to answer your question, i think you have a right to be upset but the way YOU BOTH reacted was not the best way to handle it. in fairness to you, it wasn't the best timing, the way things went down.



i hope that you both solve your issues. you sound like you have alot to talk about.
2007-11-23 08:45:37 UTC
Wow. He sounds controlling, but I suppose I'm not seeing the whole picture since you wrote this when you were mad. Anyway, from what i can tell, I would start wondering about this other girl, but I wouldn't go over the deep end just yet. If he's been with you for that long, especially in your teens when your hormones are going crazy for anyone of the other sex you can see, you have reason to trust him. It is really ridiculous that he would go crazy if you had guy friends in your phone but he can have chick friends in his. You might want to resolve that.



I've been in situations like that (in one way or another. where we end up fighting for almost no reason) before. I think that this was just a fight waiting to happen. I'd say just kiss and make up, and life will be happy yay again soon.
Katie W
2007-11-23 08:53:03 UTC
The sleeping/leaving question is understandable on both sides, but something that you guys should be able to work out.



What worries me is the "he wouldn't believe that story if it happened to me and if u look in my phone, i have no boys because if i did he'd have a fit. it's happened b4 when a guy texted me."



That he's suspicious and controlling this way, without your having given him any reason to be (or so I assume), suggests that he's judging you based on his own experience -- either that someone else cheated on him that way, or that he thinks about it or does it himself. Obviously if it's that he's doing this based on what HE thinks/does, and this number on his phone and his calling the other girl is evidence of this, then you have a bit more significant problem.



His story does sound a bit shaky, "oh I didn't give her my number", but then he has her number on autodial? Why would he have her number but not give her his? Not to mention KEEPING her number. If she was just a neighbor or friend then I'd tend to think that he'd be open about their having each other's numbers. Sounds like y'all need to talk this out.
Tara
2007-11-23 08:45:56 UTC
It kinda sounds like he is giving a lot of "excuses" to cover all the things he did to you ... which were NOT nice.



It seems that you did not have a good day after work on Thanksgiving Day .. and I feel badly for you. You deserved better.



You made special efforts to travel to his home on this special day of Thanksgiving. They were not gracious to you .. or even considerate. His Mom could have saved you a plate. Your boyfriend was unnecessarily rude .. and the ex-girl friend incident was bad.



You have every right to be mad at him.



It mighe be wise to NOT LISTEN to what he says to you .. but LOOK AT HIS ACTIONS toward you. It sounds like he is tellin you a lot of bull ... just to get you in a better mood.



You might consider what he has done as a RED FLAG.



It sounds like he may think he can do anything to you .. then win you back again. Don't accept him doing these bad things to you. I would consider if I could trust him at all.



Just know .. that you DON'T HAVE to take it from him.
2007-11-23 08:43:01 UTC
Guys normally process things with sleep. The fact that he messaged you something sweet the first thing next morning, is a good sign. The holidays are times when your emotions can be "inflated" - meaning the good times seem that much better, and the bad times seem that much worse. Take things one day at a time now, but I don't really think you have that much to be upset at right now. You were together for the holidays, and that is what matters.
Riley
2007-11-23 09:01:39 UTC
And I was like whatever, and he was like okay, and then he was like so what and i was like who, and he was like whatever and then.



I had a tough time reading that, because it was so wordy. I am really sorry this happened to you, but it sounds like it would be safe to say that this is not someone you will be spending the rest of your life with. I would not move in with him. You will just end up getting hurt, and it won't last. I think you need to move on with life, and give yourself a little time to heal. Check out the Bible sometime, too. I think it might help you calm down, and see what your loving God thinks about life. He loves you just as you are. If you will draw close to Him, He will draw close to you. Check out the book of Romans first. It would be good to read, and then read Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John next.



I am so sorry about your parent's divorce. It is so sad that this is happening often, but don't continue the cycle with making bad decisions on who you marry. I wish you well, and just remember that there are always people who love you, even when times are tough. Cling to the ones that truly love you, and not to the ones that only seem to.
Mark S
2007-11-23 08:40:39 UTC
Ok, i actually read the whole thing and yes, you do have a right to be angry. Unless you exaggerated, your boyfriend sounds like a cock. And he watches rugrats which is pretty funny. But seriously, if he pulls this stunt on you 1 more time, leave his sorry *** and let him get aids from that other girl.
Rei-Rei
2007-11-23 08:42:55 UTC
Sounds like double sided deal to me. It's ok for him to have females in his phone but you can't talk to any dudes. That's dumb. Ya'll should trust each other enough to let each other have friends of the opposite sex. I would be mad that you drove 30 minutes to his house only to watch him sleep. Talk it over with him and work it out.
Nikki89
2007-11-23 08:44:16 UTC
I think that you have a right to be mad. He was in a bad mood from what I understand and took it out on you. Not to mention he was talking to another girl, but if you were to talk to another guy he would be mad? A relationship is supposed to be fair, there is no one way street. I would just sit him down and talk to him about everything and see what he says and what his reaction is.
the bride to be
2007-11-23 08:39:19 UTC
yeah you kinda do i would be pisse off to if i drove all that way and all he did was sleep unless we fell asleep together. neways the story about the chick could be true but just tell him how you feel about it, and then turn it around and be like how would he feel if you was talking to some guy and then started giving him attitude i bet he would say that it wouldn' t be cool. me and my husband has went through this so i know how you feel.
Ms.Drama Queen!
2007-11-23 08:41:01 UTC
YEAH! I think u have the right 2 b mad until u find out the truth about that girl. Cuz no matter how good and truthful u think he is he could b cheating on u!
2007-11-23 08:38:32 UTC
OMG drama....do you really want to continue having this type of incident upset you on a regular basis?

the best defense is a good offense. he got you to be mad at him and leave so he was not responsble for whatever he did or wanted to do. he can say i was talking to a girl because you left me alone,etc.
?
2016-05-25 06:40:47 UTC
I don't get it. Where do you live that you celebrate Thanksgiving in March? And your story is cut off and incomplete. Did you copy and paste this story from another site?
crissy
2007-11-23 08:44:35 UTC
You have a right to be mad. And don't let him rule your life like that. You don't have boys number in your phone because he will catch a fit? If you need to have boys number in your phone, he shouldn't get upset, he should trust you.
2007-11-23 08:45:27 UTC
And then Little Red Riding Hood and the wolf was like Hi and like hewz No like u was b4-----------You really need to take an English Comp course!
Valentine
2007-11-23 08:40:46 UTC
time to let him off the hook you deserve better than him. no girl should be calling your boyfriend on a cell phone you pay for. hope you have a better day. make yourself happy.
2007-11-23 08:43:19 UTC
sounds like a real stormy romance....i'm certain you deserve one another...good golly..i wish i could have the last four minutes of my life back..it was like sitting through a maurray povich show...
stcarter79
2007-11-23 08:46:37 UTC
Pick your battles. this isnt one to get upset about let it past.
krishna
2007-11-23 08:43:56 UTC
it happens.if you think its his mistake, let him run after you ( he should coz he didnt treat you nicely that day ).make up after that and forget this incident.simple.bye
2007-11-23 08:34:32 UTC
sounds like you're both 10.

once you grow up , you'll find a man.
2007-11-23 08:34:57 UTC
yes he's is such a jerk you have every right to be mad at him.
Dan D
2007-11-23 08:35:03 UTC
well if he makes you mad, then by all means be mad.
Lelar
2007-11-23 08:33:16 UTC
No, don't be mad. Make up and be glad.
immortal.angel
2007-11-23 08:36:48 UTC
dump him... get back yo life
BeAnEr
2007-11-23 08:33:21 UTC
whoa there dont write a novel!!!!!!!
Darcy
2007-11-23 08:33:46 UTC
uh...what?


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