why am i not interested in a girl unless i fall in love with her instantly?

Question

whenever i meet a girl the 1st thing i ask myself is could i fall in love with this person? invariably the answer seems to be no. i fell instantly in love with an ex-girlfriend some years ago and ever since then if i dont get the same instant feeling from someone i back off. is love something that can grow in time? i seem to tell my self if the feeling that this person might be loveable isnt there right away, then it never will be at all?

Answer 1

Instant chemistry or "love at first sight" leading to infatuation is a great feeling but should not be a litmus test for assessing any relationship. Love is indeed something that can grow with time but it needs to be nurtured. Of course it is easier to love someone to whom you are attracted but a long lasting relationship demands work. Tolerance, Patience and Selflessness are qualities you should stock up on and you will be on your way to 'relationship bliss'

So don't just turn away cause you didn't get that initial spark. The spark may not always lead to a fire.

Answer 2

You need to understand that love means giving and taking. You obviously rate looks very highly. Good looks will disappear but true love endures. Be more forgiving - small flaws can make people more interesting. Be open to alternate views of life.