This may be quite long, but I really need help...?

Question

Last April, I found out that my dad was having an affair. I found this out through reading an msn conversation which he did not know had saved onto the computer. It had been going on for almost 2 years. I told him and we had a long conversation, the whole afternoon about it and he promised to me that he ended it the minute I told him. He said that they had been arguing all the time and he wanted it to end (the nature of the conversation was obvious that they were having an affair but also that it was an argument). He told me that the affair had escalated from when my mum and dad were going through a 'bad patch' and they were drunk and the affair started. I guess it was selfish, but I just couldn't have my mum and dad split up- so I didn't make him tell my mum.

Anyway, I think that it is happening again. Now, I have kinda forgiven him but I could never if it happened again. I need to know, so I think I want to follow him one day to work and stuff (she gets the same train).

Please could you help with advice on:
1) Any tips, hints and ideas for help with following him.
2) A better way to know the answer without talking to him or mum.
3) Can you get those things where you attach like some little device to clothing or something so you can hear what they are saying...like on movies. This sounds stupid, but it would be easier, especially if I cant here what he may be saying to her,

And, I know most people will say I should just tell my mom etc. etc. and it is an invasion of privacy etc. But this will be a waste of time, because I have made my mind up, I will find out if it is going on.

Oh, and private investigator is out of the question, along with anything expensive because I am 14 and am not made of money.

Thanks in advance.

Answer 1

Hmmm, that's a tricky one.



Well, if you're only 14, like me, you no right now that school is an obstacle. Being 14 would put you in Year 9 or 10, and that means that options choices are coming up, or you're GCSE's could be in the way. So, if you're gonna do it, get it out the way quick, and don't let it cloud your education.



But, here's some ideas anyway. Like I said, School is still an inconvenience. Isn't it always? You can't just skip school with No reason. What happens when the school rings your mum and dad to find out where you are? And what are you going to tell them when they ask you why you skipped? So, you need to think of some excuse, without your mum and dad finding out. Ring in pretending to be your dad, or Something. I don't know. Then, let your Mum and Dad think you're going to school, but really, pack a change of clothes in your School bag. Get changed somewhere, put your school uniform in your bag. You might need a phone too, or you can even sometimes go as extreme as a video camera or normal camera. Just in case he is doing it and you need some evidence.



When packing the change of clothes, try to avoid really obvious clothes, you need to blend in. And maybe pack a cap or something. NO SUNGLASSES. How obvious is that? And definitely not a news paper with holes in it, ok? ;) make sure you pack comfy clothes too. You're not out to impress anyone. The last thing you want is to be fretting about clothes and miss something important.



Sadly, there isn't anything small enough to plant on your dad, at least something that wouldn't cost a unconsiderable amount or money.



Try learning lip reading, it's really easy when you get the knack of it.



Good Luck. I hope that you're wrong about this, I really do. But good luck anyway. :) xx

Answer 2

i am 14 too and last year i found out my dad was having an affair pretty much the same way as you did. But i didnt talk to him, or tell him i knew. A couple of months ago my mum and dad were having an argument becuase she had obviously found out...



If i were you i wouldnt follow him to work becoz if you get caught you will be in soo much trouble, and you could get in trouble for sciving off school as well. Also, you might not find anything and it would be a waste of money.



If you really want to be sneaky, try and find out his msn addy and talk to this woman on there...see what she says and stuff. Or try and get her to end it with him... ;D



I am really sorry, i know how you feel =]

Hope this helps.. xx

Answer 3

You were able to talk to him in the past, why don't you think you'd be able to do it now in the present? I would tell him all the reasons you have to believe that something is just not rite, & why you feel it's happening again. You could give him a chance to ans. you, I believe you'd pretty well be able to tell by his reactions to your questions & look at his body language. Is he crossing his arms in front of him, meaning he wants to shut you out, or that you're "invading" his space. To me, an indication of guilt. Like I said, if he admitted it to you once, I believe you'd be able to find out w/o going thru all those things you're trying to think up to "catch" him. If you have a very close friend you can trust, you could have him/her follow them on the train. I caught my husband by following him in my g/fs car & was rite behind him all the way. He never knew it until he stopped at the bank, I got out of the car & caught him red handed. I realize how much this means to you to find out the truth. IF you really wanted to chance it, you could get in one end of the train at the very last minute before the doors close on the opposite end where he got on. If the train is full, he's preoccupied w/other things/people, the chances of him seeing you are slim. Then if you do "catch" him, want him to know, just get off the train when he does, & tell him you have the answer to a question that has been bothering you. IF he goes out for lunch at work, you know his lunch hr,, you could easily watch for him to leave the bldg. at lunch time & see where he goes & who he goes with. You might even be able to walk in the same place he's in if he's seated away from the door & you just slipped in. At least you would know who he's having lunch with. But, if he's with someone he works with, they no doubt would go together straight from the bldg. It takes a lot of patience, but you could actually catch him by following him yourself if you do want to go that route. You also could just talk w/him. What ever you choose to do, I certainly wish you the best...:)

Answer 4

follow him lyk u sed about the train but he myt recognise u so get sum1 lyk ur frend to do it &go from there dont bother cheking ur msn thing because a cheat does not make the same mistake twice[trust me]

dnt tel ur mum obviuosly

but chek his fone

call his workplace and ask if hes been in[say its personal and u need to know or get a female to do it thats acting lyk ur mum or something]



i dint want to put **** in ur head but once a cheat always a cheat!!!!!!!!!!!!



hpe i helped