Im too nice to girls that i like how can i change?

Question

Hi, I’m a 24 years old male and I've had good relationships in the past due to my humor and I guess my looks but when I think everything is going ok surprisingly they will brake up or leave me and their answer is that I’m too nice. Now I like this girl a lot and she is communicating through a best friend of mine and a good friend of her not knowing my best friend will tell me what she was saying; she think I’m cute but again just like every other girl she thinks IM TOO NICE. I really don’t know what to do should I change? Should I become someone that I’m not? Or Should I just be her friend? I WANT TO PUT SOME SPICE in my personality what should I do to change that?

Thanks y’all and I appreciate your time

Answer 1

There's nothing wrong with wanting to add a little spice to your personality, whatever that might mean. But don't change yourself for a girl. If a woman dumps you because you're too nice, that's her loss. Eventually you will find a woman who actually likes a nice guy. In fact, you might try women who are slightly older because they are more likely to be fed up with jerks and more than happy to find a nice guy.



I had similar problems when I was younger so I know how frustrating it can be. Just be yourself and things will work out in the end.



But it does beg the question: why do nice guys have it so hard. Women always seem to want a nice guy but then they are turned off if the guy is too nice. Does that mean they actually want a guy who grunts and drags them around by the hair?

Answer 2

Too nice is just a euphemism for some other not-so-nice word they are thinking to describe you. Maybe you are nice, but fake about it. Maybe they think you are a pushover or a wimp. Maybe they think you are boring. A girl will never dump a guy for being too good to her, especially not girls your age. By the time a woman hits her mid-twenties, she's at least somewhat figured out what kind of man she's looking for... and it's not a jerk. If I were you, I'd find out what your euphemism stands for and fix that part. You don't have to change who you are to be more genuine or toughen up. If it's that you're too boring, you'll just have to start stepping outside your box: ie, learn a new language, go bungee jumping, do something exciting and interesting... but do it on your own and for you. That kind of stuff isn't changing yourself for the worst. Also, women usually don't try to change good qualities, so researching this might be in your best interest :). Good luck!

Answer 3

I know exactly what you're going through. I use to didn't like guys that are too nice to me either. Girls like a challenge and a guy that will step up and be a man. The thing with nice guys is that they come across vulnerable I guess and that makes the girl feel unsafe. What I mean is that the girl will think that the guy won't stand up for her if something was to happen because he is too nice. A girl want to feel protected under any circumstances. She wants a guy that you know will step up and protect her. If you don't want to change then find someone else but if you really want the girl then you should change.

Answer 4

Don't try to be less nice. I don't believe that being too nice is any reason for a girl to end a relationship. I think that's a copout! You're the nice guy that girls want in a serious relationship and maybe you're picking the girls that don't want anything serious right now. Some day a girl will come along that loves you for you and deserves you. Until then play the field and don't change for anyone.

Answer 5

This is the classic problem. A guy being too "nice" to a girl that he likes because he is afraid of losing her.





Women tend to be attracted to men who are (within reason):



- Funny

- Self Confident

- Decisive

- Show leadership by taking the initiative

- Unpredictable

- Uncontrollable

- Independent & indifferent to the opinions of others

- Dominate



These are typical "masculine" behaviors. Women tend to feel less attracted to you if you start to act "feminine". You are acting like her "girlfriend" when you do the following things excessively:



- Pursue

- Cling

- Share "feelings"

- Act submissive

- Seek approval

- Pine away

- Predictable

- Risk adverse and "safe" (cowardly)



For example, instead of asking her where would she like to go on her next date (which you probably think is being considerate, but she probably interprets as lacking initiative), why don't you just tell her that you are going to a certain place (that you have already picked out), and that you would like for her to join you? Or better yet, build in some mystery and suspense by NOT telling her where you are going. Just ask if she is busy Friday night; if she is not, then tell her to dress appropriately (I.E.; either formal or casual), but don't tell her where you are going until you get there. Women like suspense & surprises (provided that it is a pleasant one), and she probably likes the fact that you took the initiative and planned everything so that she doesn't have to.



And don't act too needy by taking her to a place that is too expensive, and don't buy her too many gifts, and don't spend too much money on her (at least not at first -- save that for special occasions). By spending too much time and money on her, you come across as needy, desperate, or manipulative.



If you are not sure what any of this means, try going to double your dating dot com and sign up for the free dating advice newsletter.

Answer 6

I'm not the typical girl in a lot of ways, but I guess in others I am. I know what you mean about the "too nice" thing. I think sometimes I am "too nice" with new people, but once I get around them awhile I let my guard down. I'm not sure if this is your natural personality of being "too nice" or just with new people, but I think girls want someone that is relaxed, stands up for themselves, and maybe not afraid to break the rules once in awhile and have fun. I'm not saying you need to be a criminal and that you aren't already fun, but I think the "too nice" thing comes off as stiff and uptight and doormat-ish. I actually feel uncomfortable when a guy tries to open the car door for me and all of this. There are girls who like it, but don't overdo it if you are going to. Hope this helps, but don't change your whole self just for a girl.

Answer 7

There are a FEW of us nice guys around.

You know what? Time will give you a gift.

Eventually you will truly BELIEVE what you suspect now.

Nice guys finish last! You don't become the *** hole, you get cynical when it comes to TRAMPS who trample on good guys. Outwardly you will be the BEST of the bad boys, cause you will be suspect that every girl you meet is TYPICAL. Most are! You'll see them coming from miles away and get good at shunning the *****! At the end of the day, you'll still be a decent gent who cares, but outside, fewer and fewer people will know it! There's nothing BAD about keeping GOOD things inside. Stop spilling your guts about being such a good dude! Vultures eat that stuff cause its fresh, cause it doesn't stink yet! Get it?

Answer 8

Please stay the way you are and someday some LUCKY sweet girl who deserves you will truely appreciate how you are. Young girls are attracted to the jerks who treat them like **** and then after awhile they realize they don't want to be with someone like that and then go for the more mellow gentle type. The only thing about the "nice" guy is sometimes it seems like they are overbearing and never quit. I'm not saying that is how you are but I have dated a couple of nice guys who acted like they were crazy over me and I couldn't get a minutes peace without them being in my face to tell me sweet things. I use to try to take showers to get away from one boyfriend and he would insist he come and sit in the bathroom and talk to me. It just got overbearing and too much to deal with. I love it when my current boyfriend does nice things for me or says something sweet. Our world needs more nice people so please never change. Try dating

someone your age or a couple of years older who will appreciate you for who you are. Oh and by the way this girl is talking to these people because she knows they will tell you.

Best of luck in life with everything you do, you are a sweetheart....never change that.

Answer 9

Hm... I know a boy he is behaving the same way with me.... Has a great personality but he is too nice to me... I actually didn't think that there could be such a thing until I met him.. He is always free to talk to me, does me favours even when I don't ask him to, always is interested in me and my well-being... Very seldom we talk about him .... All his attention is directed to me and it's really annoying... I don't know if this is the same way you act around the girls you like, but if it is I can give you some advice...Don't be so available... Concentrate some of the attetion on you too... For ex: When you talk to a girl be sure to ask how is she, what she done all day .. and after that try saying smth about you.. about how you are, what you do ....Ask the girl to do favours for you too... I would like to tell you more, but this is all I can think now.. Hope it helps

Answer 10

alright dude...its the big dog here to answer your question...hear me out, cause i am an ex player who is getting married to a real winner...its all good...



i used to be the same way...you know what i did to finally stop beiong such a nice guy...i got real! i started to view the whole process to dating and understand that because i wanted to get laid, and make sure i was always with one on a hook to reel in, i lost sight of everything else...i would be too nice, and clingy, and before i knew it the girl was onto someone else, and it usually was a guy who had a different attitude from mine...it was the official "i dont care guy"



the day i turned into him, was the day everything started goin right with women...so what do you do..."not care"...dont give a crap about when the next time your gonna see her, about calling her, about finding out what makes her happy...I will tell you what makes women happy "not being happy" cause they would digress froma a guy who wants to give them the world, to go get f-ed over by the guy who could give a crap...



not that i changed my personality entirely...i was still the same funny and fun to be around guy...but really i just started living life for myself...the only time i every gave a crap, or had to, was to do the initial meeting with a chick...you know, if your getting the eye froma cutey on the other side of the room..you got to care enough to go over there and say something to her...but the second that the first encounter is over, take the power back...and stop caring...its drives any woman nutz when you play with her self esteem (we all know they have issues) so use them to your advantage...

Answer 11

Oh, my, you're too nice? I don't think there is such a thing as too nice. STAY THE WAY YOU ARE!!!!!! Don't even be thinking about changing to meet someone else's expectations. Give it time (it's hard, I know) but I know you'll find someone out there who will appreciate your qualities. It never works out if you try to be someone you're not. I think you need to perhaps talk to your friends (female ones) to find out what these girls mean by 'too nice' as I don't buy it - they may really have another reason for breaking up with you and I think you need to try to find out what it is or you'll be having this happen again perhaps.

Answer 12

Not to be blunt but get a back bone be your own man. don't agree with everything i girl says for a girl to want to be with you for a long time or longer than a couple of months you have to show her that you can take charge. I'm not saying to be a dick be a gentleman. But show her that you are your own man.



I actually have a saying for this nice guys always finish last. sad but true a girl will be with a complete horses *** that does not care about her and treats her terrible before she will be with a man that she can push around and mold like clay or as we men call it being nice

Answer 13

HAHA My husband kept hearing the same thing until he met me...he was 26. Some of these girls had boyfriends who would beat them up, too. Yeah, a lot of girls are mean, but you'll find that one girl who doesn't think that guys can be "too nice". So hold out for her! There's nothing wrong with you, I think rather, there's some seriously wrong things about our culture.

Answer 14

NO NO NO. Do not change. Eventually all girls [except the stupid ones who get abused] realize that they want a nice guy. I dated so many assholes before I started dating the guy I am with now. He is one of the guys who was dumped for being "too nice". The girls who are dumping you are just immature. Just wait for a "nice girl" who wont be an asshole.

Answer 15

It's not that you are too nice, there is something else about your looks or your personality that is bothering the ladies. No girl REALLY breaks up with a guy because he is "too nice". That is our excuse for something else that we are too embarrassed or scared to say to you. So, they have an issue with your looks or personality. Regardless, don't change for anyone. You will meet the right woman who loves you for who you are.

Answer 16

You don't have to change a thing. Too nice is a good thing. If those girls couldn't get it then they have a problem. It's their lost.

Someone like you is hard to find now these days... whoever accepts a "too nice" guy is a lucky gal!

Answer 17

i dont believe anybody should be anything that they arent. if someone cant like who for who you are, its not meant to be. plus, how in the world can somebody be too nice? most guys are complete jerks. just wait for the girl who realizes that a nice guy is the one she should keep. sometimes girls can be really confusing. but theres someone out there who will appreciate your niceness instead of seeing it as a bad thing. you just may not have found her yet.

Answer 18

I don't think you should stop being who you are . If you are looking for "Spice" you may find some in doing things with your date that is fun and adventurous.



Skiing is one, hiking , camping, bike riding, picnics...get the picture ??

She will also think you are not only nice , but also a lot of fun to be with.

Answer 19

Boy nice guys finish first with me. But, if you have been opening doors for her or helping to seat her at a restaurant then maybe not do it too often or not at all.

Also, you can tell her that you appreciate her and if you are doing any thing that she does not like please tell me.

I care for you very much and want to do what ever make you happy.

Good luck.

Answer 20

It seems that you are one of a kind. The best advice I can give you is to continue to be yourself and you will find that single girl that is out there destined for you. Do not change who you are to better suit someone else. If these girls that you come across do not like you as you are than they are not right for you. Move on...she's out there somewhere. Good luck!

Answer 21

When they say "you're too nice"... they are basically trying to tell you that they like guys who have their own opinions. Their own way of doing things. Their own personality (warts and all). You're probably being too polite, too considerate, ready to change your plans for them at a moments notice.



Women like guys who take charge. Have their own lives that are interesting. That can be confident enough to disagree with them sometimes.

Answer 22

You know you shouldn't change urself for anyone and you being nice is a good thing,girls would kill to have you as there boyfriend cause ur nice, and even if ur too nice then maybe lat down a little, but don't change to much for anyone!

Answer 23

when someone is being too nice I wonder what they want from me.. Thats mostly how a women think too..



Be nice. But don't be over nice until you know for sure that the women deserves it.. Don't reward someones bad behavior by being nice.

Answer 24

As long as you're not suffocating her with the niceness (like giving her compliments about EVERYTHING under the sun), then I would stay true to yourself. If she's worth it, she'll like you for who you are. If not, then move on. You'll find the right girl eventually.

Answer 25

Well its good your a nice guy... keep it that way... but maybe what you should do i play hard to get... then have the girls coming after you.... I dont understand how someone could be TOO nice...

Answer 26

yeah i too dont like nice guys. i practically run over nice guys. u can be nice but not a push over. guys who do anything u say that just leaves u open to be taken advantage of. u should just not be a pushover. i know it may not be easy but, just try saying no. its okay to do things for her but its a difference in being a gofer.

Answer 27

TOO NICE??? I don't believe there is any such thing. Too many people in the world today are trying to be something they're not and many people are not nice.

Don't change who you are to please others especially if your a nice person. Be who you are and the right person will come along and appreciate you for just that.

Answer 28

NO! don't ever change who you are for a girl!!

just keep looking, there is someone out there for everyone, and when you find her she will appreciate what qualities you already have

Answer 29

mk what's wrong with being nice? second get some interesting hobbies that you might like and that way you can meet women that are interested in the same things

Answer 30

Listen to these girls and you will have a curious dry feeling between your legs for a long long time.



Read the lyrics to that Offspring song "I want you bad" it pretty much highlights everything you want to know about.

Answer 31

If you generally are just a nice guy then don't change who you are, but not be overly nice to impress her, she's probably not meant for you if she cant accept who you are.

Answer 32

Continue to be nice. Maybe take more risks but don't change your kindness.

Answer 33

Wait a second... you think youre too nice? thats not possible! you cant be too nice. But i like to hear that you are nice.

Answer 34

r u crazy girls like u to be nice! dont change

Answer 35

take some initiative. talk to her yourself. your 24 years old for crist sakes. ask her out yourself. be a man. i love manly men, but dont be a d*ck to her either.. if you need anything just email me. my boyfriend was too nice too but i told him and now he takes charge.. sometimes...

Answer 36

stay as you are , you're a rare species. someday you'll find

someone who will appreciate a guy like you. and the other will wonder why they let you go, it will be their lost not your.

Answer 37

hey dude what do you say to a girl with two black eyes, nothing you already told her twice. get the message

Answer 38

i like guys that are nice.. ^^

i don't think you should change..

most guys are jerks...