What the difference between two people convincing themselves they are in love and two people who are in love?

Question

I sometimes like to observe people in relationships so that i can learn what is right and what is wrong. In this case, how does someone know when two people actually love each other in a relationship versus two people convincing themselves they "love" each other?

I am asking this question because people around my age (17-22) go into a new relationship they immediately start saying they love one another and they are going to spend the rest of their lives together. I still believe there is that small percentage of young couples that are good for one another, but the majority I say "I love you" then leave.

Personally, I think people will only find out they love one another until they've been together for such a long time, they have been through a lot of problems together, and they are still faithful and happy together. I think actions speak louder than words.

Answer 1

If one has to convince themselves then one is not in love.

Answer 2

I think your partly right, you meet someone you really like them, I think at that point you start falling into "lust". Love comes when you realize you that the lust is great but just being with the person means as much and more. Even when just sitting and watching tv together on opposite ends of the couch yet you feel that person there. Them not being there would be as tramatic as you no longer being able to breathe. When you finish each others sentences, and you both reach for the sugar at the same time. You find you both get up to go do the same chore, or both get your phones out to call the same person. When they say you become one, you do. The neat thing is if your totally honest and trustworthy, if you respect and need the other person, if you would never do anything to hurt or harm the other one, and would give your life to save theirs. You talk about everything, and nothing, you can be watching other couples and turn to look at each other and know what the other is thinking. Laughing together, crying together, doing silly little things like putting a note in the other's pocket to be found during the day and all that's on it is a happy face. That says it all. You want to know where I get my facts, like I just told someone else 28 yrs. 5 mths still in love and in lust. Love is great.

Answer 3

At first glance, they get involved and keep telling themselves it will work out. Why? Because they were attracted to the other person. For what? Looks, personality, popularity? Something attracted them.



So now they become a couple. They start seeing more of each other. Anything can erode that initial sense of attraction: bad habits, for example.



Do the newly acquainted excuse the torrent of bad habits for some initial attraction? Some couples convince themselves that they should. But, you should understand: it works. Why? Because you can fall in and out of love throughout a relationship with someone.



Are you an impatient person? You'll probably not give many chances and have several relationships without getting to truly know any single one of them.



So, people do convince themselves they are in love because they know time may bring them closer together. Sometimes, it is worth it.

Answer 4

I think when you are in the 17-22 age group you haven't enough experience in life to know what true love is thus you love everything...most things people say in these age groups is "I love...".



Whereas you get into your 30-40's you have had more relationship experiences and know the difference between being in love, loving and saying I love you for the sake of it. You will find these age group people do not use the word love loosely unless they are trying a lame pick-up or have loose morals.



I think your last paragraph says it all in that time will tell. My uncle always said its nice to love someone but a winter night gets real cold if you don't like them. True love and real love is based on a deep friendship that lasts a life time because as couples get older (60-80's), the sex issues aren't that important anymore but the companionship and security is.



Like you, I observe to but also talk to many age groups. I am curious myself and I too believe that actions speak louder than words. What you say and what you do are two different things....right?

Answer 5

There are a million self-help books on the subject, girl.



You're right. When you are young, it is easy to say the words. You are also forgetting that there is a big difference between love and codpendancy. Love is being with someone who makes you happy and you can't imagine life without them. Someone who is codependent stays with someone who makes them unhappy, but they are too afraid to live their life without that person.



Now, when you are young, you may feel love for someone. The difference is that at that age, you are still changing. I look at the way I was in college.... I am NOTHING like that now.



So, when I was in my early 20's, I figured this out. Forget about love. Forget about forever. Just ask yourself whether the person you are with is a good person. Don't think about marriage, don't think about where it's going. Just think about having a good time, no matter how long it lasts. Some of my favorite memories are spending time with men I "loved" even though I knew it wasn't forever. I cherish those moments because there WAS love and friendship and it was FUN.



Now, I'm married and the fun's over.... just kidding. Marriage comes with a whole other set of obstacles. Don't even worry about marriage yet. Don't think about having kids. Just go with the flow and you'll save yourself years of therapy.

Answer 6

I am a 60 year old Grandmom who in all my years has had but one true love of my life. I did love another but it never compared to the first. My feeing on this is that if you have to try to convince yourself that you are in love, then you are not. Love comes very quietly, when we are not looking for it. Love at first site is actually a tremendous attraction but you cannot love someone without knowing him or her. The word "love" is used too loosely these days. When you truly love someone, his or her welfare is of utmost importance to you and that person's happiness can become more important than your own. However, not one of us should ever settle for less, or compromise ourselves, because we are in love with someone. If that person does not give back to the same degree that you are giving, then run as fast as you can.



It may not always be apparent to the onlooker whether or not two people are truly in love as people can put on a good show. I became divorced in 2002 after 28 years of marriage. He filed because I had become disabled. Does that sound like love? Not to me. Guess he forgot the "in sickness and in health" part.



Where love exists, there is no selfishness, no thought of self being more important than the partner. You share the joys and the burdens equally and face everything together. You do not just live under the same roof, but living separate lives. The St. Francis prayer is a perfect example of true love and one of the others who replied quoted it for you.



Sometimes when people say they are in love, they are actually in love with the notion of being part of a couple - generally more socially acceptable than being alone. While you can be breathless with anticipation on first meeting with someone, time is required for love to develop and grow. Hopefully I have not just rambled, and this has helped a little.

Answer 7

First of all, I don't think there are right & wrongs in relationships (besides the obvious wrongs/rights) because everyone has a different relationship. There are no guidelines to what a "perfect" relationship is like. That being said, I agree that some couples say they are in love, which is totally possible, but most likely it is lust. Sometimes it is necessary to know someone for a long time, but mostly, its about being honest & sharing your life with that person. They need to accept you for who you really are. Also, friendship is key to true love in my opinion.

But I do have to say, after one night with my future fiance (no sex though lol) I knew he was the one. It took him about 7 years to figure that out though!

Answer 8

Wow. What a deeply profound question and good luck with answering it.

The romantic in me believes in love at first sight. Observing couples can give you an element of wisdom but I don't feel it will show you what is right and wrong. Everyone is different and what is right for one couple could prove suicidal for another. You sound quite cynical about couples 'convincing' themselves they love each other.

I also believe love changes. I think at your age it is possible to be in love, you stay, you may get engaged and love deepens and is accompanied by respect and more. But it's all love

Answer 9

This is easy, people who are in love are going with each other less than 3 months (6 months if your lucky)



People who say they are in love are together longer and really hate each other but cant admit they were wrong.

Answer 10

I agree, actions do speak louder than words. True love shouldn't have to be convinced, it just happens. If you feel loved and you are loving towards that other person, you shouldn't have to tell yourself that you love that person. Love is just there. You will know if you are in love and whether that person loves you back.

Answer 11

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.



1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Answer 12

You know there is only one love. Remember Christ laid down

his life for us.If you love somebody to get something from that person ,this is not love rather selfishness.So two peaple can

convience themselves that they are in love which is psudolove.But we cannot find peaple who are in love.

Beacause one might gave away his life for the other's sake

Answer 13

i believe there is someone out there for everyone... maybe even a couple of people...... you gotta just live your life and go with the flow... if you think your in love, that is great... its a great feeling.... if you find out down the road your not.... that sucks, but move on and find that awesome feeling with someone else.... this is what life is all about..... live and learn girl..... as far as i know, we only live once.... enjoy!!!!

Answer 14

I am 41 and still figuring that out.

Answer 15

One is you don't see the others faults, the other is you see the others faults and love them anyway

Answer 16

um.. im 13... and that already happened... and from what i know (wich i kno u think isnt much but hear me out) you cant say u love each other unless your 100% sure... or thats just fake love or just lust

Answer 17

stars....... iv bin with my fella long timer and ill look at him after 11 kids and still think how lucky i was to find the most wonderfully man and yes i lve him...........

Answer 18

You have actually answered your own question better than many...in fact, you answered it very well.

Answer 19

im (13-17) AND i telll my bf i love him but im not cinviced it depends how many ppl you have "loved"