I caught my boyfriend sending flirty text messages to other women. Is that cheating?

Question

I came home from work yesterday and opened my laptop. I have a Mac so iMessage is on there, but I was in my boyfriend s profile so his popped up.

I didn t intentionally snoop. A message just caught my eye. It was a message to a girl calling her beautiful, asking her to meet up for coffee and lunch with him, and telling her that he wants to get to know more about her.

I didn t see one message thread, I saw three...with three different girls.

Hysterical, I confronted him about it and at first he paused and said that those were just his friends. No they weren t. I read the whole thread. They were introducing themselves to each other.

Later on he explained that he did that because he didn t like where our relationship was headed and how we handle things when we argue and how I call him names and such. I get I have called him pretty harsh names before but I let my anger get the best of me sometimes. Does that make what he did okay?

He said he was seeking comfort in those girls because I guess he couldn t get that with me. He keeps saying he s sorry and he won t do it again.

I wonder if he would ve stopped or told me about it had I not found out. But then again, all men say that to clear their asses.

I am devastated, and he keeps telling me he wasn t cheating because it never got further than texts. He said all he did was text. Regardless of how I acted towards him, does that give him the right to do that and make it okay?

Answer 1

If it feels like cheating to you, then it's cheating. Plain and simple.



From the sounds of things though, sounds like these text messages are only the tip of the iceberg.



First of all, we'll deal with the problem at hand. The messages. If you want to stay with him, you need to explain to him that these messages are not ok. If you have a problem with arguing, try writing it in a letter instead. Whatever you do, it needs to be calm. He needs to understand what you view as the boundaries within your relationship. Furthermore, he needs to agree with those boundaries or create a compromise with you. Whatever the end result, you need to have clear relationship boundaries set and agreed upon by the both of you.



As for him saying it's your fault he's going to these other women. That's bullsh**. He's trying to place the blame on you for his own actions. Call him out on this. Again, not angrily, but in a calm manner. If he has issues with you, he should be finding a way to communicate about those issues with you. Not finding other women to amuse himself with.



Unfortunately he may have a point about the arguing. In a relationship, communication is everything. If he really does feel that he can no longer talk to you then that is a serious issue. If your arguments get very heated and you call him nasty things, this is not acceptable. You need to find an outlet for your anger other than him. If you're unable to talk about serious issues like this calmly with him, again, write him a letter. With letters you can always undo something harsh before you pass it on. With words you can't.



Finally, be prepared for the end. I'm sorry to say but this man obviously doesn't see him arranging to meet up with other women as being a big deal. If this is the case, it's likely he's done it before and will do it again. If this isn't something you can live with. Then it might be time to end the relationship.

Answer 2

Yes, he's cheating you dummy. Why do you even have to think twice about it? Why are you trying to make excuses for him trying to bang other girls? You calling him names didn't push him to do that, he has honestly probably been doing stuff like that all along and you just now found out. You can bet your *** he's gonna keep doing it, but now that you know, he's gonna get better at hiding it. That's something you shouldn't have forgiven. That's one of those things where you need to put the evidence right in his face and say "Hope you enjoy your coffee date, now GTFO and don't come back".



lol THREE different girls? You better get tested for STDs.

Answer 3

You can't trust him, end it! Otherwise you will always be paranoid and stressed out whenever you see phone numbers o the phone bill or texts coming in. That is no way to live for either of you. He is not a man if he can't admit that he needs to end it. You need to end it and save yourself here.

Answer 4

I think it proves intent

and he is now trying to balem you for what he has done

if he was a real man, or respected you, he would have talked to you about it, or even left the relationship

he didnt, he trawled the net looking for hook ups

you dont know this is the first time, you dont know hat he has already done

the trust is gone, the relationship violated

and you will never know the truth

Answer 5

stop playing his mother you destroy the relationship

Answer 6

you stupidddd