My boyfriend called me a nag :( what can i do to make him not see me that way?

Question

He and i have been together for 4 years and when he came up to visit me last weekend he said "youre so beautiful but you nag so much." That really hurts my feelings! The only thing i nag him about is that he was friends with a girl that he has told me he is really attracted to emotionally but theyre not even friends anymore so i stopped! Now he does things lk goes to parties which is fine except when he describes them he says "oh i just went swimming with kenny and we hung out" making it not sound like a party "so i wont get mad" and then there are crazy pictures on other ppls instagrams of girls that i know are in his regular party group in their panties and bras piled in a hot tub at night that say "photocreds @kenny" the next day! He has done that a lot of times, for about 6 months now, every weekend that hes not with me. What im saying is he's hiding things from me "because im a nag." How do i make him see that im not, and that hes hurting me? Ive told him before that i wont get mad and then he only adds a little bit more but never the whole truth. I dont even know what his problem is. Hes not cheating, ive already checked all of his stuff so unless hes REALLY good at hiding his tracks, he just thinks im a f*cking nag! When i dont even nag! How do i make him see that im not a nag?

Answer 1

Don't ask him what he does at these parties anymore, pull back, hang out with your own people, if there's guys in your group all the better. Take lots of pics, make sure he sees them, and when he asks about them, call him a nag. If he doesn't ask, then he's hiding something important probably, pull back more. Reevaluate your relationship. Maybe you need to be with someone who has less of a social life.

Answer 2

Just don't seem bothered. If he goes out, don't ask where he's been or who he's been with etc. If he goes out, you go out with your friends too. He's out enjoying himself, therefore you should be also, show him that you're having too much of your own fun to care about what he's doing. If he goes out don't text him, don't call him and just leave him to it. If he contacts you wait a while to text back. When you see these pictures on instagram, don't say anything about them. This will shock him even more.

You obviously don't trust him if you're checking his phone etc.

Answer 3

There are two reasons why a criticism might hurt ones feelings:



1-The criticism is not justified.

It is completely untrue. Not only is this hurtful to ones feelings, but it also raises suspicions in the hurt, unjustly-accused person as to just WHY the accuser is behaving in this manner. Is the accuser up to something, and behaving according to that old saying, "The best defense is a good offense"?



2-The criticism is justified.

This is hurtful, even though it is true, because one does not like to have ones faults pointed out. One does not like to feel that one is lacking in good qualities. It's difficult to be honest with oneself, to take a good, hard look in the mirror and clearly see a bad thing--a thing that needs to be radically changed.



So it's up to you to be really honest with yourself, and to figure out what is really going on. Is your guy playing you, or are you really and truly overly-vigilant? (I wouldn't call this "nagging," actually; I might call it something else. It's either hyper-vigilance, or it's "having control issues," or it's jealousy. "Nagging" is repeatedly and needlessly reminding someone to do something that one has agreed to do.)



Anyway....once you've spent some time being ruthlessly honest with yourself, you will more-clearly see what your problem is: Is the problem YOU, or is it HIM? Either way, it's not gonna be pretty, and it's not gonna feel good; but you will be on your way to resolving the problem, one way or another.



Good luck!

Answer 4

I've been through this and I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this but there could be more that he is hiding from you, ask yourself if he can lie to you about a simple party what else is he lying to you about. In my case the guy was cheating on me, I don't mean to say that's whats happening, but do you really want to keep worrying about what the next lie will be or just start over. I am 33 now and happily married with a baby on the way and I am so glad that I took the advice from a friend and left his sorry butt because I wouldn't be this happy if i stayed with him, I would be overwhelmed with the worry and wonder all the time. One other thing that tells me that he is hiding more is the simple fact that he keeps telling you your a nag to make you feel like you need to change who you are. Don't change who you are keep being you and get out while you can.

Answer 5

he's hiding things from you. he knows that if you knew what he's up to...you would do more than nag