Why am I always 'wrong' during fights with my boyfriend?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost three months, we have known each other for a year or so. We were best friends for about six months before we started to date. I love him, of course. And I am completely aware that this relationship will not last forever. There are more fish to fry, and I will. But right now, I am in love with him, but he doesn't seem to care about my feelings. At all. When we get into an argument (which is frequent) I always end up wrong, having to apologize so that it can simply end. Sometimes I AM wrong, and I have no problem admitting it, but much of the time, I'm not, or at least I feel that I am not wrong.

i.e.: (This is via text message.)
Me: :p You gonna be home tomorrow?
Him: Maybe maybe not
Me: Well my parents aren't going to be here and they said you could come over
Him: Oh... Wow... Alone?
Me: Yep.
Him: I don't think I can :/
Me: Agh
Him: Sorry you know i want to :/

(Now, this is the first time he has EVER been this willing to come over this summer. Previous times when I have asked with punctuation such as '?!' or '!!' he has told me we would only hang out when I calmed down. Which I thought was rude, but I never said anything.)

Me: Yea
Him: :/
Me: Ah :/
Him: Talk damn

(He always tells me to talk, over the phone, via text, etc. He never has to make any of the conversation.)

Me: Sorry...
Him: ... Ok. Now talk
Me: You make me sad sometimes
Him: How
Me: Just stuff..you don't do it on purpose. I know you don't, just idk.
Him: Well stoppit
Me: Stop what?
Him: Being sad
Me: Alright
Him: Good
Me: Very

(After this he didn't reply because he hates one word answers, so I sent him the following.)

Me: You don't even know what hurt my feelings do you?
Him: No what did
Me: You know how, whenever I talk about us visiting...you never say yes, just always tell me we will when I 'chill' because I'm excited about seeing you, and I don't say anything because I don't want to start a fight, and it doesn't matter, so I drop it, and won't think of it, but now that I've told you about tomorrow and being alone, it didn't matter that I was excited, we would be alone, and so you were all for it, and I don't want this to start a fight, but I want you to know what I'm thinking, so you know why I'm in the mood I may be in, and I'm not trying to start a fight right now.
Him: I wasn't all for it I still said No...
Me: FW:-- Oh... Wow... Alone?
Him: That wasn't 'all for it.'
Me: FW:-- I don't think I can :/
Me: FW:-- Sorry you know I want to
Him: Nope.
Me: What?
Him: Nothin
Me: Okay
Him: K
Me: Okay
Him: God you're paranoid
Me: Ugh! I'm always 'paranoid' aren't I? Sure does seem that way.
Him: You ARE always paranoid
Me: Whatever Christian.
Him: Thanks. I'm gonna go then. I assume we aren't talking tonight. Until you apologize.
Me: I have no reason to! You call me paranoid when I try to tell you my feelings. I have no reason to anymore! It makes everything worse.
Him: Then dump me for being such a horrible boyfriend.
Me: Are you asking me to? Really?
Him: No you're supposed to say 'no I would never do that!' Oh well :/ bye I guess

(Again, I didn't tell him what he wanted to hear.)

Me: You know I always take it seriously when you say things like that! Why would I dump you? Why would I do that christian?
Him: Well Ok... Bye. Text me when you're ready for apologizing



The thing that hurt my feelings was that the only reason he didn't tell me to 'chill' or 'calm down' is because he wanted to be sexual with me. I admit, I am sexual, but I don't and haven't had sex. And we've talked about it, decided we were too young and not ready, and that we would wait, but still do fun stuff. It just makes me feel like I'm worthless, but I know I'm not, lol.
Am I the ONLY one who thinks I was justified? JESUS.
Please, just some advice on whether I should stop giving in (I apologized by the way) or if I should start sticking up for myself. I just do not want a break up, I really like him and would rather not this be the way our relationship ends.

Thanks.

Answer 1

That sounds like a very unhealthy relationship. Sorry. You are both playing serious mind games with each other.



As a rule... make it a point to always tell the truth... never lie no matter what. That will help break you of the habit of mind-games... there are several examples of it in your posts.



Trust your gut -- literally. If you feel queasy either before you send something or after you receive it then you are in the realm of mind game. Don't respond or send... refuse to play games. In the long run it will work out best for you (though likely not with this partner unless he's committed to not playing mind games as well.)

Answer 2

i'm sure this isn't what you want to hear but you need to dump him. MOVE ON! If you feel like you aren't wrong then don't freakin apologize. Why should you. He is a jerk. Guys like that are controlling and not worth it in the end.If you know your not worthless than don't act like it. If you don't break up with him at least stop giving in. i'm just saying if i was you i would have never put up with that. You are completely right and he is without a doubt WRONG!!!!!!!!! i hope you can work it out of find a nicer guy :)

Answer 3

I'm not reading all of that, sorry! But you really sound like you guys have some problems. I'm not saying that you're wrong or right, but if this guy is always saying you're "wrong" in arguments then i think that should indicate that he's the one who has problems..

Answer 4

OK, I'm going to completely honest here: He sounds like a downright jerk-off. Don't waste your time on a pathetic loser like that.



That being said, I think you need to set your feelings straight. If he makes you feel bad, then something should be done. He's hurting your feelings and making YOU out to be the bad guy.



This won't work. I think you should leave him. He's not worth it.

Answer 5

Okay my ex was like that. Every time I wanted to tell him how I felt he would accuse me of being stupid or in your case paranoid! When they WANT to know whats up, you tell them, and they get pissed. I don't think you were being paranoid, but seriously I think you need a better boy. Why would you want to be with someone that always starts fights? Even if they are little fights, they are still annoying. Tell him to talk next time. You don't always have to keep the conversation rolling. Tell him that he shouldn't be talking. If he doesn't like one word texts or whatever, why does he do it? Stand up for yourself! Be a woman!!!!

Answer 6

From all the above stuff alone it seems your justified, but if your overly clingy and always want stuff emotionally it from him it can make him act that way.. If your not and he normally acts that way he seems like a prick. See it this way if you think you still really like him because the way he used to be, but he changed and you dont like the change and you know hes not going to go back to how he used to be YOU DON'T like him anymore and i would find someone else. He really seems like a prick. I wouldn't keep playing around with him and i would tell him straight up that hes being a ***** about things is not being clear and that this has got to end or you have to see new people.

Answer 7

He sounds like a dirtbag to me.

He's insensitive and uncaring. If you know it's not going to last forever I would let him go. Almost sounds like he's pushing you to dump him. What a jerk.

It doesn't sounds like he cares at all.



I'm sorry. :/ Maybe dating your best friend was the wrong way to go?

And good job at keeping sexual stuff on the low end of things. Stay modest. Otherwise he may just be using you for that.



Good luck!

God bless.

:)

Answer 8

i read the whole thing.

wow he sounds like a really big *****.

if i were with him, i'd dump him.

he doesn't treat you with respect at all! it sounds like he hates you!

it sounds like he's full of himself and it sounds like YOUR the only one in the relationship. it's like hes not interested at all.



but you said you didn't want the relationship to end, so i guess that you could try apologizing, and say you were wrong. but couples are supossed to share there feelings to eachother! this does sound like an unhealthy relationship. maybe you could just stop talking about your feelings and see what he does. if he doesn't do anything i say you shoudl leave him.

Answer 9

I agree with you completely, that's really not fair :P i dont know what you two are like at other times but with that conversation it seemed like he was being off with you and i do think that you should stick up for yourself otherwise this will keep happening and you will feel like this over and over again which will make you unhappy in the relationship :( and iknow you dont want to lose him, its sooo hard when its like this, but i think you need to stick up for yourself more and in a way test the relationship and how he reacts to see how he really feels

At the same time though i cant tell you what to do, you need to decide this for yourself but i think you need to speak to him if your feeling this bad about things

hope everythings okay x

Answer 10

god, do you want me to punch him for you? because i will gladly to that. he's kind of an ***. this is a hard question to answer being that you "just do not want to break up" because as hard as it would be, if he doesn't shape up, i think it would be in your best interest to do so. im on your side, girl. if talking to him and telling him how much he's hurting you isnt working, i dont know what else will. good luck.

Answer 11

Listen kid the dude is into games and control could have been raised that way not ever admitting wrong(Some parents do that)thinking it shows weakness.Rather it shows character but admitting you are wrong when you are not is.but blessed are the peace makers only try cutting him off till the games stop unless you like them there are people out there who are not control freaks or game players don't you think you deserve better?

Answer 12

i agree with you, you were justified. BUT in reading ur texts it seems taht u 2 arent right for eachother....



high school or college perhaps???



eventually, this stupid immature crap goes away, i promise.



for future reference, think of your bf as ur BFF. would you be friends with ur best chick friend if she was so annoying, disrespectful and so uncaring??? NO!! so why do we allow our bf's to be that way with us?? and the same goes the other way around...we need to treat our bf's the same way we treat our chick friends....



also...notice how you never really fight with ur chick friends? We're usually interested in whatever they have to say??



well, have your best friend relationship as your model for the perfect boyfriend relationship.



just go on casual dates and dont even go on a second date with a guy unless he and you somehow act like best friends. then, it might be worth going on a second date...take every date one at a time....the minute there's drama, either you need to change your approach or u need to dump him (depending on whose being dramatic).



so yea, ur relationship with ur bf is retarded..he has no respect for you and doesnt really seem to care.......u guys dont have a friendship.....maybe u guys can hang out on occasion and have fun, but many people can make you happy and make you feel special and you can have fun with many people. There should be something that differentiates your relationship with your guy from how you interact with other people......he needs to be ur best chick friend, just male form (and not gay, lol)....if hes not, then hes not for you

Answer 13

Wow...he does sound like a horrible boyfriend!



Explain to him that until he can start being nicer in your conversations and start caring more about your feelings then you won't be willing to cooperate with him. It's just not right that its never his fault, and that he controls the relationship. If you make him scared that he might lose you then he will start to be nicer.



Help with mine please?

https://answersrip.com/question/index?qid=20090703185443AAee41x

Answer 14

awwww

it depends~ you should talk to him about al that. how you think he acts towards you and how he should stop it . my exx was like that, but i dumped him because he was a horrible boyfriend. he flirted like a maniac with other girls; and sometimes even said "i'm going to find this girl" infront of me. (the girl he was flirting with) now thats ahorrible boyfriend, but yeah. if yours doesnt do that then he should be worthwhile; cuz you can always get him to change his ways that you dont like by talking. but little fights liek these that always reaccur can always be the end of a relationship :/ especially if youve thought of dumping him. goodluck~;

Answer 15

if you guys are arguing about something that you both like just let it go

if you do you won't start a fight again.

Answer 16

i read it.



if hes going to treat you like that, you really need to dump him.

you didnt do anything at all.

honestly you need to answer the question does he make you happy?

and if its yes then you need to try having a conversation with him about all the fights that he made you apoligize for.

and give him some space, and dont apoligize after another fight EVER again because hes going to get used to it and keep repeating what hes doing.

Answer 17

Dump him right away ...you probly dont want to hear this but... he has no feelings for you....im a guy and i s oknow whats going in his mind... his feelings are goen for you he asked u to dumo him wich means.. he is a coward and doesnt want to hurt u so he is making you dum him....listen dont hurt your self anylonger liek you said "there are other fish to fry" dump hima nd be gone with his stupidness... save ur self the pain.... he clearly has no feelings...

Answer 18

your just "wrong" because your boyfriend cant stand for him to be wrong, just wait for a little wile and see what happens. and if you always r wrong then something is not right in that relationship, before he tells u, that u r wrong, then tell him to apologize, but if he breaks up with u THEN apologize..and how did u get enough time to write all that above???lol

Answer 19

OMG! ur boyfriend is a real ***! you have no reason what so ever to say sorry! it should be him apologizing. when you try to talk about your feelings he says your being parioned???? he acts like he owns you or something, id say dump him. you deserve better than that!

Answer 20

i actually read it...anyways.. i think you should start sticking up for yourself a little more...it seems he either takes you for granted or doesn't care how you feel...

Answer 21

he seems cool but wrong the way you described it. you seem to really like him but is that really your heart or brain. seriously you need to stick up for yourself. it always seems like the girls give in. i know i do sometimes but i taught myself to stick up whether there is a fight. if you act tough and dont give in, it would seem he would sooner or later apologize in a way to you. maybe talk to him. you probably already have though. i hope i helped :)

Answer 22

i think you should stick up for yourself. try ignoring him for a couple days. just because. it doesnt have to be after a fight. see what happends. unless you already did that. then just let him know where u stand. dont be afraid to tell him how you feel.

Answer 23

Didn't read. Way too long.

Possible that he is abusive as well as it is possible that you accept the role of the "victim".

Answer 24

the guy's a douche. dump him.

girl u aint wrong.

Answer 25

dump his azs make him jeALOUS! see, i clicked on this question like ohh let me make a sarcastic remark like,"HAHAHAHH WOW WHITE TRASH" or something, but seriously? coming from me? You can do SO much better, fxck this guy dude, like really! get some one who loves u!

Answer 26

dump him. he's not worth your time. if he says "just dump me." then say "fine i will. we are over." u deserve better. he sounds like a jerk

Answer 27

read it all and from what u wrote ur bf is a dick

Answer 28

guys hate to be wrong,

they most likely will never admit it.











girls please answer =]]

https://answersrip.com/question/index?qid=20090630162406AAHxe4U

thank you!

Answer 29

you not wrong he a bad boyfriend wtf mine is just like that JERKS!