Why won't my boyfriend get rid of her stuff?!?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years. He treats me like a boyfriend should treat a girlfriend - he respects me, is patient with me, is always there for me, and is just all around wonderful to me.

He was with his ex for about 3 years - during high school and a bit of college, and she was only real serious relationship before me (he had another girlfriend after her, only for a few months).. Anyway, the girl is GORGEOUS - she's a professional dancer for an NFL team and a model - the whole nine. And I know they were very serious, and the break up must've really hurt him (eventhough he's never told me how he felt about it, other than that she had changed a lot and become a bit stuck up). Regardless, when we HAVE talked about it, its been because I have asked questions, out of curiosity.

Anyway - he moved out of his parents house a few months ago and got his own place, and there was a scrapbook she made him and I took a peek (I asked him before looking). I felt a little weird after, but I shook it off.

A few nights ago, he said he needed to unpack some of the pics of him and I that are still in boxes so he can put some up in his place. I replied, "yeah and your Jessica memorbilia too." and he said "F that sh!t, I've been wanthing to leave it on her doorstep". I told him NOT to do that, because it might give her the wrong idea. As a girl, I know that if my ex left me a box of our old stuff, I'd feel like he was trying to get a message across to me. So I asked him why he couldn't just throw it away and he said "I wanted to a while ago, but my sis said no theres nice pics in there" I told him he could easily take out the ones that are of him and his friends or family and get rid of the rest. I dropped the whole conversation after that, because I didn't want to seem jealous, but I kinda feel like I am.

I know its stupid to be jealous of his past, but lately I can't help it.

We've been having issues about me not spending enough time with him (busy with school, work, family, etc -- its VERY complicated, but I'm working on it). Seeing these pictures and all that stuff makes me feel like one day she's gonna come around and want him back, and he'll somehow remember how she used to spend a lot of time with him, and I don't get to as much for reasons beyond my control.

I know, I know, I sound a little silly.

But back to my question - Why won't he get rid of her stuff?!

Any input would be nice, sorry I wrote so much.

Answer 1

He won't get rid of it because it does remind him of nice times in his past. Doesn't mean he wants to go back to the "old ways" but that he's grown and learned things since that time. It's like looking back on pics of you in High School and you're like "oh I was so dorky" but you keep them just because that was you back then and you had a good time (at least some of the time). I wouldn't worry too much about those feelings. Think of it this way: he did say "f that" when you said the comment about his Jessica Memorabilia. He even had the idea to leave it on her doorstep. YOU stopped him, when you should have let him do it. She is not going to think he wants her back. She's going to think, 'oh, he left me all these pictures of how hot I was then". That's the kind of person she is...she would just want the pictures of HER.



And why are you worried about something that hasn't happened yet? If he truly did have feelings for her, he wouldn't be wasting time with you -guys are not like that. He'd be sitting in his room plotting on how to get her back. Instead he's moved into his own apartment and some old stuff happened to fall out of some boxes. It's not like he had a shrine put up in his closet already.



People have pasts. My husband was married four years before he met me. Imagine when I saw all those "old things" I wanted to run for the hills. But if you really love someone, you accept they have a past and that you have one too. Come on, you know there's some things about you and your ex you'd hope he never found. Just remember that men are simple, and they want what they want. And he obviously wants you or he wouldn't be requesting more of your time. Make the time and you'll feel better and bonded and like nothing can come between you.

Answer 2

Why do women always seem to think a guy should come without a past? I don't understand what the problem would be with him keeping some things that are part of his past. You said that the stuff is in a box. It would be different if he had pictures of them all over his place.



Guys tend to be pack rats. It isn't for sentimental reasons but simply because they never throw things away. There are pictures and other items that I have never gotten rid of from past relationships. Once every few years I might come across some of them and remember those times. I then put them back in the box and forget them again. That doesn't mean that I would even consider having a relationship with any of the people in my past again. They are just memories.

Answer 3

I wouldn't say that he doesn't love you. I would say that most people do not want to entirely forget their past. There will all ways be a special place in my heart for some of the women I have loved in the past. There are some that I do not want to remember as well. If he wanted to drop it on her doorstep, there is a reason. What that reason is, only he knows. I don't think your being silly at all. Be prepared if you start digging. There might be something there that hasn't been dealt with.

Answer 4

Why? Because it's part of his past... you have a past too, and just because you threw away the pictures, doesn't make it disappear, it's part of what makes you who you are, and a gauge, of who you were...



In any case YOU need to live in the present... the beautiful girlfriend (who isn't nearly as gorgeous in person) is someone elses girlfriend now, and probably doesn't ever think about your boyfriend at all... and you should just get over it put the scrapbook on the shelf, and consider how you can make your relationship better....

Answer 5

Some guys don't just toss away things, either cause they don't care or something more. I know a guy who was in a serious relationship before he dated my friend and he still has facebook images of them together up. He doesn't go on facebook that often and I doubt he even cares.

Could be the same with your man.

Or there could be some strange lingering feelings. I wouldn't pressure him to do anything.

Answer 6

When you've been hurt deeply.....it takes a long time to get over it and some people never do. He obviously still has feeling for the girl.....and this doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't love you or want to be with you. Its just that he still has somethings to deal with inside himself. And he probably has really forgiven her if he exploded like that. And that can be deadly to a relationship, because when you hold on to hurts from the past, you never truly come to love that person your with.....because u can't. Romantic love and romantic hatred can fit in the same heart. He'll always have his doubt, his hesitations and his distrust, because of what SHE did. That can lead to him doing all sorts of things and not even on purpose.......In short, hurting people hurt other people.

Answer 7

He may have unfinished business with her - hurt over the break-up, or simply they tie him to good memories of a time gone by. I still have photos of all my ex boyfriends and I've been happily married for 27 years. Just because I want to keep photo memories of my past doesn't mean I want to have relationships with any of those guys. As you mature, you will realize that jealousy and love do not go together, in fact they are the opposite of each other. In time he may toss them. Meanwhile, think about it. Is it worth ruining your relationship because you are jealous of a photo? If he wanted to see her and date her I'd be concerned.

Answer 8

I have pictures from all my exes, I keep all my pictures period. I just want them for when I'm older so I can look back and remember my life. I am in a serious relationship and he knows I have them and understands. I don't think it's bad that he has them, but I do agree that it's weird he was gonna leave them on her doorstep. If my ex dropped pics on my porch after that long, I would think something of it also. I'm not sure what you should do, but maybe keep your eye on him for any weird signs.

Answer 9

I just got out of a 4 1/2 year relationship...and I was the one that was hurt.



I can understand not wanting to get rid of all of the pictures. Those were good memories once and you dont want to just throw them away.



I ended up giving my ex a box of everything. From what I heard he did not throw any of it away. He put it in his attic.



So, I reccommend telling him to either put it in his attic, or taking it to his parents and keeping it in there attic. Along with his other old stuff. It doesn't mean anything that he wants to keep it. It doesn't mean that he still has feelings for her. He just doesn't want to throw away good memories.



So, dont ask him to throw them away.

And it is a little too late for him to randomly decide to give his ex a box of stuff. It may stir up drama/issues that you really dont want to deal with.

Answer 10

He shouldn't have to get rid of it. It's pictures!!! It's a part of his past and his past makes him who he is today. I think it's selfish that you expect him to get rid of them. He should keep them and put them away in a box. I think your insecurities are getting the bast of you. He is with you now, not her. Beautiful or not it's the person you are that makes you the whole 9yrds!!! Stop bringing it up, stop being insecure, you are going to ruin your relationship because you are insecure about his past and it's ridiculous!! YOu shouldn't have looked at the pics if you couldn't handle it

Answer 11

I bought the "Text you ex back" ebook and it has been a real help through possibly the hardest time of my life. It's an intensive guide that explains hot to bring your ex back using simple text messages. This is the site where you can find the whole system http://getyourexback.toptips.org

Answer 12

Maybe he is playing clever

He said he was going to get rid of the stuff... that was his initial thought firstly.

And if you are having issues maybe he knows that it will make you jealous hence you trying harder, possible keeping you on your toes?

besides if that book was so important, he would have left it at his parents house in hiding.....

like you said stop being "silly"

Answer 13

he loved her right? there will be a part of him that says 'remember' the great memories, the fun days out, let him gradually let go.



xoxox

Answer 14

that guy still wants to be with her, obviously if he still keeps her stuff (and he might be secretly looking at it from time to time) so what you need to do is to talk to him openly about it and ask him to be honest then make your decision from there

Answer 15

he doesnt love you