This girl has been hurt by everyone. What am I supposed to do?

Question

We're both seniors in high school.

This girl and I started to become good friends in March of this year and once she started tutoring me and I began taking her places we started to get really close and by the time summer came in May, we were together ALL THE TIME. Even though she'd never admit it, we were pretty much unofficially dating. I expressed all my feelings to her and everything, and we would hang out and go places alone all the time and it was pretty much understood by everyone that we were a "thing" and not to mess with either of us.

So things were going great even about a month after I told her my feelings for her. Then we started to get even closer and hang out together more and more and she just had a meltdown and ran away. She got scared that we were getting so close and was terrified of making a commitment (my thoughts, she hasn't told anyone anything). Our relationship struggled along, I asked her to homecoming in a very special and elaborate way, and then I single handedly got her on homecoming court (she was pissed at me already though so she really didn't give a damn what I did for her at this point). Anyway, we basically would talk for a couple days and fight the rest of the week. This is a cycle that went on for a couple months. After homecoming I cut communication from her and she texted me randomly a couple times, and just recently, after praying A LOT, I decided there is a reason that even though I've tried, I can't move on and she is supposed to be in my life in some role.

I called her and asked her if I could come over and talk to her and she said yeah, but she's been busy since then so I haven't been able to go over yet. Between a overwhelming school week last week to a couple college visits early this week, I haven't been able to make my way over there yet. I typed down all my thoughts and feelings so I wouldn't forget what I wanted to say.

I need y'alls help mainly with this though. Her first "real" boyfriend was freshman and sophomore year. Now keep in mind this girl is still very immature and extremely insecure with herself. He chased after her for a long time (around a year or more) and finally she decided to date him. They dated for two years then HE broke up with her. They moved on but he kept coming back a few times. Now he has moved on and has dated two other people and has a girlfriend now and I'm 95% sure she is still stuck and hurt from him. After him came a kid I go to school with who she fell for hard but really just wanted to hook up with her. He got drunk and asked her to homecoming last year and ended up flaking out and just taking her to lunch on the same day or some stupid crap like that. Then he finally got her to hook up with him (just make out, she wouldn't go further) and then he ran. She was apparently devastated by that and so she is now 2 for 2 with guys screwing her over.

She has never opened up to ANYONE in her life. Her longtime best friend is also my best friend and told me even she doesn't know exactly why her and her first BF broke up. She holds it all in and that's not good. I think what scared her was that she's never had someone love her before like I loved her. Someone who didn't just want to hook up with her but wanted her for her. I never even tried to hook up with her for that very reason. So it scared her because she doesn't understand it. I know she has major trust issues and I really wish she'd just open up to me and let me help her through it all because I really, really want to but I know it'll be tough. Does anyone know how I can convince her I'm not going to hurt her and just get her to vent and talk? Her entire family adores me and her mom and I still text every couple days. All her REAL friends adore me too. It's just that she is scared because she has never experienced the type of love I have for her and honestly either doesn't believe it's real or believes it's not possible to care about someone that much so I must just be obsessed with her (in my opinion).

Anyone know what I can do? I plan on going to her house hopefully Friday, sitting her down and talking to her about everything. I'm praying she finally opens up for the first time in her life. She's put me through absolute hell for 6 months, and I guarantee you no one else would still be here putting up with her BS. I'm not really sure she realizes that, though... I just want to truly help her and help her learn to trust again. It would do wonders for our relationship too if she opened up and felt she could trust me.

I wrote her a "letter" which is basically me just putting feelings on paper and I don't know if I should give it to her or not. I'm afraid she'll freak out and think I'm obsessive or something.

THank you for reading! I know it was long.

Answer 1

First off, I can tell that the love you have for her is true and real, not just the hookup kind, and that is admirable. You clearly love her a great deal, and not just because the is a potential sexual partner or whatever. It would seem as her life has been torn apart by disloyal guys and that she has been through the emotional turbine. First off, you need to talk to her about your feelings ASAP. I know you are busy, but find time to talk to her anyway, no matter the cost. When you do get around to talking to her, tell her there is something you need to tell her, and that any reaction she gives you will be understandable. Preferably be in a place where she can't physically run from you. Then tell her exactly how you feel, sparing no detail. Tell her that you know she has been through some hard times emotionally, and that you can understand that she is going through pain. If she gets emotional at all through this take her hand or cuddle her or something, so that she knows you will be there for her. Tell her how much you love her, with all of your heart, might, mind and strength. Make sure that she knows that you don't just want her for her body. Tell her that you won't ever hurt her or leave her, but that you will be there for her forever (even if you think you may break up someday, but she will take the word forever well). Tell her that you love her absolutely and unconditionally, and that you will be there for her no matter what. If at all she starts freaking out, just stop dead in your tracks until she calms down. The cautiously carry on. If you think it will help, bring up your personal revelation you had about her. Tell her that you think that you are part of yourself, and that you two have a purpose yet to be fulfilled in the other's life. And be prepared to go all the way with this, and to never leave her, ever. That will just hurt her more, which will negate all of your effort.



I was in this exact situation. My girlfriend's heart had been torn apart by numerous boys who left her when they figured out she wouldn't let them have sex with her. I loved her absolutely and completely, in the same way that you love your ex. I would give her the world, marry her, and take a bullet for her. But it didn't work. I made an attempt to get her back, and I was rejected, and haven't recovered. Don't let this happen to you or the guilt you feel will haunt you. Make the boldest, bravest, most outgoing, and most meaningful attempt you can possibly make to win her heart. Give it your absolute all, with no thought otherwise. Let her know that you love her, and will never ever leave her.



good luck, your mission is ordained by God



cJ

Answer 2

so long...i just read it as a novel. the number of this kind of men is becoming less and less..



not her, most women cannot believe there would be someone who doesn't just want to hook up with her but want her for her. Once trust has been damaged, it's very hard to rebuild it.



But still, true love exists. the only thing u have to do is to tell and show her ur determination through ur consistent actions. promise is not enough, actions can bring her much more trust on u than ur words. and perseverance is needed.



Good Luck. After all you have her parents who like u, support u.

Answer 3

Dang you sound like a wonderful guy and any girl (myself included) would be lucky to have this attention from you. It sounds like you should just giver her a little time and she'll come around realizing that you were the only one who has been there for her. Give her the letter; it' so nice when guys don't just hide all of their feelings and act all apathetic. Maybe she just needs to figure things out for herself and soon she'll come running to you. Talking to her is the best idea. Tell her how much you care and want to be there for her and help her. Keep praying and stay sweet. This will probably be a cute story to tell you two's grandchildren someday ;)

Answer 4

Dude you are ice skating up a very steep hill. Sounds like her issues have issues. Damage control is in the red zone right now and the only thing you should be asking yourself right now seriously is how much pain and suffering are you willing to endure for this girl? Do you truly believe she worth the pain? Sometimes you can do everything right and its still not enough...you can't make something work when someone doesn't want it to work. Think on it for a minute brother. Peace.....

Answer 5

Give her the letter maybe it will open her eyes and maybe she'll feel like someone (you) actually loves her and isn't using her. Lol I know this is cheesy but the day you should go to her house, bring a CD player, stand out in front of her yard and play "let me love you by ne-yo" hahaha. You know just to make her smile. Hope this helps and good luck. :)

Answer 6

She may enjoy the drama and such. I mean you guys sound like a movie. If you calm down and just say you are there for her and its up to her to decide, then leave her be, maybe she will come around.