Please help - sex question??

Question

I'm 19, and in a loving relationship with my boyfriend of almost two years. I was a virgin when we started dating, and wanted to wait until I was sure / ready to have sex. He wasn't a virgin, but was very respectful and never pressured me, told me he loves me for me and he'd wait as long as I needed.

I've been feeling like I've been ready, and wanted to take things further with him for a couple of months now... I realised after a few intense makeout sessions that I didn't want to stop, and that I loved him, trusted him and was comfortable enough with him to take things to the next level, so I let him know, and he was very gentle and patient and we started sleeping together just over a month ago.

My problem is, I'm still not really sure what I'm doing? I thought I should just go with the flow and do what feels right, grinding with him and moving and moaning as it feels natural, but lately he told me that I'm doing too much, and that I should just lie there and not move? He says it makes it harder for him if we're both moving at the same time, but I always thought it was awful if a girl just lay there, and to be honest I want to be more involved than that? Am I wrong to move, or am I just moving the wrong way??

Please help me!

Anna xxx

Answer 1

Well, don;t lie there, but certainly allow yourself to enjoy the sex, OK?

Answer 2

No you should not just lay there - if it feels right to move then move. I think maybe he is not as experienced as he led you to believe (I suspect that is why he was so willing to wait). Take charge and get on top and tell him to lay there - by doing this you can feel exactly what you should be doing and move and get the rhythm that suits you. Once you know what sensations you should be feeling it will be easy to match him when he is on top. Sex is great between two people that communicate with each other - talk things through and you will end up with a fantastic love life. Good luck.

Answer 3

As per a previous answer, it seems to me as if maybe he's not too good at this - you should be excited enough during sex to know what to do & what feels good - I'm seriously worried about his abilities if he just wants you to lie still in case you're putting him off!!!

Remember, sex doesn't involve him being inside you until he comes - the plan is that you both reach a climax out of whatever you're doing, hopefully more than once, and irrelevant if it's penetrative or not.

I suggest you air your views together, don't be afraid to ask, sorry, TELL him what's good for you.

Answer 4

Personally my boyfriend hates it when I just lie there- he said it's like trying to have sex with someone who isn't interested or even a corpse (yes, strange comment but my boyfriend is a strange 'un, bless him).



Don't necessarily move all the time, but build up a rhythm with you two and go with the flow. Stroke his back as well if you're on bottom, kiss neck, make out gently, etc. There's tons of things you can do when having sex, but you shouldn't force it. You should only do what you feel natural and comfortable with.

Answer 5

Well it really depends on what position you two are in, but basically there are two types. The first is where he does all the work, and the other is where you do all the work. If you feel you want to be more involved you should talk to your partner about it because it sounds like he is very understanding and will do what fits your needs. So next time you want to have sex try asking him to do a position where you can do some work and thus filling the void.

Answer 6

perhaps you should try changing positions. You get on top of him and you do all the work and let him just lie there. It will take a while for you to find the most comfortable and most pleasurable position for you both. have fun try different things, and ask each other whether you enjoyed it. communication is the best thing for you both and this will help you if you feel a little shy or embarrassed. Good Luck and Have FUN! Sex can be good!

Answer 7

Well it is weird that he would ask you just to lay there. Most men want a partner who plays an active role in the sex. Talk to him and ask him if there is something that you are doing that he doesn't like or makes it hard for him to perform. If he tells you he just likes it better when you don't move at all start questioning his motives because this doesn't sound right at all.

Answer 8

To be quite honest he needs to know what makes YOU BOTH happy, and if that includes you being involved then he will have to make an exception. As far as being ready goes, there should never be an exact time frame to have sex. It is whenever you feel ready and comfortable. I am glad to see that you have at least given it some real thought. Just go with what feels right so you don't have to look back and regret anything.

Answer 9

It really all depends on position you're using :) If you are on bottom, you don't have to move around alot, some guys prefer alot of movement, some don't. But If you try other positions, say, the girl on top, then you do get to move around alot. So if you feel bad about just lying there, why not suggest some different positions, where you do get the chance to be really active :)

Hope this helps!

Answer 10

Your not wrong.

You just may be making it more difficult for him to be holding on & trying not to climax, in other words a little too good for his own good.

A doormat can just lay there and do nothing.

Your a person & deserve the right to enjoy sex as much as he does.

Talk to him & tell him how you feel.

If he still doesn't care and wants you to lay there like a doormat, weigh your options.

Just because you care for him doesn't mean you lose yourself, you have rights too & sex is meant to be enjoy be both.

Answer 11

I don't think there is a right or wrong way. You need to sit down with your boyfriend and explain to him what you have just said in your question. Do it tactfully so as not to hurt his feelings, and maybe come to some kind of compromise.

Talking really does help. Me and my fiance had a similar problem recently, and my friend told me to talk to him, and once we had sat down and talked things over, we felt a lot more connected, and got past our problem straight away!



Hope this helps

xx

Answer 12

Hehe I can see what he means by it being harder if both are moving... I find it difficult to get in sync with my boyfriend sometimes...

You could try swapping positions and stuff - if you're on top you're going to be doing most of the work... I'm not usually very good at it because I'm not confident enough but on the occasions when I've felt relaxed enough to take control he says it's really good, so I guess you just have to try things, and even if it's embarrassing, in a good relationship you can just laugh it off and carry on.

:)

Answer 13

omg what a jerk for saying that, do what you want a girl is supposed to follow the flow, i mean come on iv had sex and the first few times i just laid there becasue 1 i was nervous nd 2 i didnt know what the hell i was doing, but it still felt good, to be honest i still dont know what im doing, but you know what he has to understand that im not ready to try a diff. position yet.

Dont stop moving

Answer 14

I don't think there is such thing as moving too much. Maybe he just doesn't have any rythmn. You are also involved in the fun, you should never just lay there like a dead fish. That really seems kind of selfish on his part. Its like he just needs a hole to stick it in. Tell him how you feel. Its about the two of you, not just him.

Answer 15

sometimes if both people are "grinding" you get out of sync, and it makes things akward. If you're on the bottom, or doing doggy, let him do the work. If you want to be in control, you get on top and ask him to just lay there and enjoy. Don't moan too much, it makes it all seem fake and rehearsed. Make noise according to how you feel ..not because you feel you have to.

Answer 16

He's not being very understating. No two sex acts are or should be the same. Why don't you tell him you want to be more pro-active and go on top. He'll love playing with your dangly bits. That way you can bounce around to your hearts content and you will GRIND and MOAN!! You can't beat girls on top for good penetration.

Answer 17

Hey Anna....



Sounds like he doesn't know what he is doing! You shouldn't just be laying there, of course not- sex, actually- making love (In this case, since yall love eachother) should be a 50-50 thing....both of you giving as you receive....besides, how does he expect you to enjoy it if you just lay there? You need to move in motion with each other....hold, rub...touch...I mean, what the heck does he mean just lay there?

There is nothing wrong with you honey- its him!

Answer 18

The problem would seem to be with your partner, sounds like he is inexperienced and selfish & not concerned with your needs or pleasure. Remind him that a relationship should be sharing & you need to talk this out as your needs count too!. Get the book called the joys of sex & you can both check it out, good luck.

Answer 19

Sometimes it's good for just one of you to move at a time, depending on the position. I would suggest asking him to let you do the driving every now and then. It's a matter of doing what he does to you, just in reverse.



If you want to move at the same time, that takes practice. The idea is that you both push forward at the same time.

Answer 20

Sounds like either you are moving the wrong way or you have a boyfriend who wants to be in total control of the sexual experience. Watch an instructional sex video alone if you have to. Then talk to him more about what he expects. If it differs from your opinion, you may want to dump him.

Answer 21

Oh YES



Keep moving as much as you want and when it feels good for you



There may be times when he's trying to hold back and you moving is just too much sensation going on for him and he needs you to be still and let him get control again. You can learn to recognize those times and work with him to get better pleasure for you both



And other times when he loves you rocking back into him, especially when he's taking you from behind, or your lifting up to meet him thrusting down into you, look up the best g spot stimulation positions



(liberator shapes web site has lots of good info for you)



Yes it is awful if a girl just lies there, the guy can't tell if the girl is enjoying herself, or just letting him get on with it and wishing it was over



Being involved is great for you, if he's tired go on top and ride him slowly, even if he's soft, you can rub against him, or give him a nice hand or ********, he'll soon throw you down and be up to speed again



Moaning is also incredibly sexy and good for you, encourage him to be vocal too and to breathe deeply, making lots of sexy sounds. It's not good to be quiet and just concentrate only on thrusting, he can slow down and let you feel more if he grinds around side to side, rather than going in out, in out. Get him to ride up and rub his pubic bone against your clitoris, or try spoons, where he takes you from behind, while you both lie on your sides



Enjoy doing what comes naturally



: )

Answer 22

you are new lovers.. it takes a little time before you get it perfect.



do it his way a few times then your way.. and talk. tell each other your fantasies. put them all in a hat then go one by one fulfilling them ( don't forget to put more in the hat as you think of them )

the most important part about sex is have fun! don't worry you guys can make it work.. it will just take practice... and practice makes perfect!!!

Answer 23

Huh?



What?



Just lie there?



Are you even allow to make a sound?



* Sounds to me that he himself is an ammature. He is trying to put his mind into this, but is afraid for you to move along because he makes him feel nervous. *



* BEST SUGGESTION I CAN GIVE YOU * Just do what ever you feel natural at that time and moment. If you can't help it, then you just can't. He sounds like he has a small issue. I don't know.

Answer 24

omg hun i feel the exact same way... i have no idea what im doing... but really well done for waiting till you were ready... that is very respectable...

i also thought it was wierd for guys if you just lay there,

i would hav been kinda mad if my bf said that to me you know?

try it and if it feels as good for you, stick to it, if it doesnt then talk to him about it and work it through

mwa best of luck

Answer 25

If he is trying to be respectful and wants to wait for you to be "ready", he probably is trying not to get so arroused that he might do something or go too far with you. It is very hard for a man or woman to be "at the door and not come in" so to speak. It is probably just a way that he is trying to have self control.

Answer 26

This may sound harsh but here goes: Dump this guy. If you end up marrying this guy sex will get boring very quickly. Find a guy that loves to bump and grind like you do. Sexual compatability is VERY important in a marriage.

Answer 27

when i lost my virginity i told him not to move so i could get used to him being inside me. if you are inexperienced its also harder to hit a moving target. you start off slow then once inside get moving. though if your inexperienced or cant get the rhythm right you can move out of sync making it more difficult.. so start off still then get going once your sure he wont fall out or is not moving against your rhythm.



you only move once hes inside you already. also if your moving at the same time you have to be moving to compliment each other, its like dancing, he may be saying its easier to lead until you guys get more experienced.

Answer 28

wierd, most blokes would agree movement is better...



it may be a control thing and he just wants to be the "dominant" male.



alternate to solve problem, some days find a position where you do not move much (doggy), but make him accept that sometimes you wanna groove!

Answer 29

Well if you are flailing around during sex that would be weird, so i don't know how much your moving but basically you should be able to have some kind of rhythm together, at least to have good sex. A man should be using his hips too, at least if he is good in bed. I don't know whose fault it is.

Answer 30

That's kinda hard to answer since well yeah its hard to answer.



I know I don't like to just lay there. Maybe you are more of a person to be on top. I would say just laying there is what he just likes. Maybe hes old fashion on having sex.

Answer 31

Ok to much movement can be difficult its like having sex with a moving target. But when you lie there moan or breathe deeply run ur hands trough his hair rub his back just use your hands sexually and show your into it that way.

Answer 32

Depends on the position,

girl on top/reverse cow girl- Girl does all the work

Boy on top- Boy does all the work

Doggy- boy does the work, if he wants you to buck back he will grab you around the waist and...well, you get the point

Spoons- probably best if the boy does all the work.



If you don't want to just lie there, take charge, tell him how you want it etc, or TELL him to change position etc men love that.

Answer 33

You're doing fine, he seems to be a douchebag.



I like it when the girl doesn't resemble a dead fish. A girl who is very into it is much sexier than one who isnt. Keep doing what you're doing, you'll get experience and eventually become confident.

Answer 34

AWW well take it slow, you both will have to come up with something that makes both of you happy in the sheets! But don't go fast and don't just lay there, just relax and let the feelings of your love for each other take over. Best of wishes sweetie!!!!!! HOPE HE WAS THE RIGHT ONE****

Answer 35

He is selfish - he wants you to stay still so that he can get there quicker and get all the pleasure.



Take the lead - make him lie on his back and you get on top and move up and down - if he doesn't like that then there is a problem

Answer 36

Nobody can answer this except your boyfriend. Everybody likes different things. Apparently you aren't sexually compatible if laying there still doesn't feel natural for you.

Answer 37

here is the problem you are out of sync with each other because you are just moving not groving with the real feeling. So I suggest that for starters you just lay there and only join in the action when you feel it so much that you can't help it then your feeling will be real.

Answer 38

No that is normal for you to want to do that.

if you feel that you arnt doing enough and want to more involved then you could try swapping around who is on-top.

so that you can both put effort in

or try different positions as welll.

Answer 39

hmm, does he mean it's harder for him to get off?

well, what feels better for you? talk to him about it more, ask him what he want, if it is just fro you to lie there...well then just concentrate on kissing and touching and let him worry about the rest for a while...and if you don't enjoy it...try something else...

Answer 40

best thing to do is to communicate with your boyfriend, and just experiment you will both learn each others ways of doing things and make it right for both of you. your not doing anything wrong dont worry

Answer 41

Ok,

First off, this guy is a DDDIIICCCKKK



Of course you are supposed to move, it is supposed to be making love. Not Getting fffffkd you know.



You are not a toy....

You are a lover...



You should soon find your rythem, that both fits natural.

When he presses in, you press into him..

It is that natural Rythem, that gets the deep penetration and max Stimulation...



I have to say I am concerned...

Really ask you self if this is the right guy....











GOOD LUCK



...........................................

Answer 42

well if he doesn't like you moving too much then you could try going on top of him. that way you can control all the movements and he wouldn't have to complain about anything

Answer 43

Honestly your probably just moving a wrong way that hurts for him.

My boyfriend likes it when i move underneath him.

But if yours doesnt you should probably listen to him and stop instead of maybe causing him pain.

Your right to move trying to intensify the pleasure and trying to get into the moment but if it hurts for one partner you should maybe stop.

That doesnt mean your in the wrong though.

Answer 44

In my own opinion; the art of love is give and take; share passion as we venture in the midst of pleasure. I do not know what your bf is thinking. I like my girl to do her share in bed. How would you know if she loves you; if she just lies there like a rock...i know that you know what i mean.....Ann, just be open, tell him that your not comfortable with it and there is no rational explanation for his actions...

Answer 45

Sounds to me like maybe He doesn't know what he's doing!



If you're enjoying yourself, getting into it, and he wants you to lay still.............not the best thing.



Sex is supposed to be an expression of love. Explain to me how lying still and being a sperm receptacle is showing love, or even fun for you, (he's essentially masturbating, using your body instead of his hand),



Get a book, get a video, he needs to get a clue!





Luck

Answer 46

You're right and he's wrong.

He's concerned that he may not last I think but practice makes for a lasting love life.

Answer 47

Good Lord... I dont quite know what his problem is. My girl doesnt move much when we have sex but man... when she gets into it it makes it SO HOT!! I dont quite know... I think you should be moving and get involved.. if not it would be quite boring.

Answer 48

By the looks of it you want to take some control of things too … so why not take turns??? … oh and I cant stand girls who lay there do nothing you are def the better option :)

Answer 49

theres is no right or wrong way to do it, if it doesnt hurt then its ok. i like my gf to be involved and enthusiastic, so i would never tell her to just lay there and be still.



different strokes for different folks!

Answer 50

Whoaaa



he's probably a necrophiliac.



Any normal guy would love what you were doing! Keep up the good work ;)

Answer 51

If that's what feels natural to you, go with it. Frankly, i think it was awfully rude of your boyfriend to tell you how to do it. There's no "right" way, there's only a best way, and that's what works for you

Answer 52

ummm.......I could never just lie there! Sounds like his other partners were boring. You're doing fine and it sounds like he's the one with the problem. You can't enjoy it if you're just lying there

Answer 53

maybe dont move the next time and then when he asks why not you say thats what you told me to do.

Answer 54

get on top of him and show him hose boss woman! take off all your clothes and get down! have intense make out setions and touch his body everywhere! suck it if you have to. have some fun. if he says its to intense lay off a little though.

Answer 55

you are probably off rhythm and when you get the hang of it you'll be better that's why he wants you to just lay there. But when you catch on you'll be ok. Practice makes perfect

Answer 56

sounds like he neeeds some lessons not you. You got the right idea in mind and moving in the right direction so don't let him tell you oterwise.

Answer 57

you might just be moving the wrong way try asking him while moving if thats how he likes it until you hit the right spot.

Answer 58

Talk to him it seems that you're pushing him a little too far. Slow down a bit.

Answer 59

Don't move if he is on top but if you want to be more involved you go on top.

Answer 60

he will understand u lately.. your relationship is just 3 months old.. tell him that you also need to get involved.. sex is like a communication.. you need to speak his language.. so if he is active.. you must be active to..

Answer 61

okay so hes right.



but not so much. you should lay there because if you are both moving then he has to try twice as hard.



but you should also turn the tables on him once in a while and take control.. it'll surprise him :D





take turns. its the best way to go.

Answer 62

try doggy and watch a little amateur porn for ideas - best of luck as it is great when you get into it

Answer 63

your boyfriend must be a necrophiliac if he wants you to lay still.

Answer 64

Girl on top.

Answer 65

are u married yet?

do u relize u r commmiting a sin u could go to hell for?

I'm not a super religous person or anything, but what ur doing is just disgusting!

How will u raise the children u will have? What will ur parents think? 19 is to young to be having a baby at!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 66

different people like different things!



just do whatever you and him likes

Answer 67

cod b doing it all wrongly. best is you politley ask him to show you how, and let him know how it likes it best.

Answer 68

you sound good to me holy ****

Answer 69

LOL!!! are u sure he wasnt a virgin??

Answer 70

he's asking to not move so dont.

Answer 71

Lol idk