I walked in on my boyfriend masturbating to porn while he thought I was sleeping this morning.?

Question

In the past we've discussed porn, and I expressed my distaste for it. He promised me that he would not look at it, and if he did he would let me know. He does have a prior addiction to porn, and obviously still does... His sister was asleep on the couch while he blatantly was masturbating with the door wide open for the world to see. I wish he had tried kissing me or touching me before running to the computer. I would have made him happy. I don't think he understands how this has affected me. We've lived together for about 6 months now, but this is a huge red flag. I'm not sure how to trust him. Especially since we've talked about porn in the past and he deliberately ignored my feelings toward it. Should I trust him? Or am I overreacting?

Answer 1

Yes he could have went to you for pleasure...but the point is he's used to you....he knows what to expect from you, he knows how the oral will feel he knows what position you guys will do next....its like a routine! Step out of your comfort zone its okay to be a little freaky....there's nothing really exciting and new about being intimate with you.

Porn is always different and new, he can picture himself having sex with whoever he's watching in any postition.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

I personally don't know what the big deal is with porn, as long as the content, or viewing the content doesn't violate any laws, I say live and let live.



However, I think certain rules of conduct need to be followed here. Your boyfriend has demonstrated an extreme deficit in his judgement by masturbating in a location where he could be observed by others with the door open.

Plus there's the important issue of promising to do one thing, and then doing another.

You have good reason to not trust him.

I don't want to be the one who suggests that you should end your relationship with him, only you can decide if that is the right thing to do. But you have only been with him for 6 months, maybe it would be a good time to back out before you invest any more time with him.

Answer 4

You say you are not sure you can trust him. He is jerking off to porn - not sleeping with another woman. Men like sex in all it's forms. You can't expect him to stop jerking off to porn. Sometimes he would rather get the job done himself then have sex. It isn't anything personal toward you at all.



I think you are definitely over reacting. Men like visual stimulation and if porn gives him that then so what? He isn't sleeping around or being unfaithful in any way. Many men and women look at porn. It's normal.



I understand how you feel. You wish he would come to you instead of looking at other women. He loves you and he is with you. All he see's on these women is their female parts, not their beauty or personality. It's all physical with men and that will never change.



Compromise with him instead of putting restrictions on him. If he wants to look at porn let him know it's okay but you would also like the same amount of attention given to you as he gives to porn.



Remember, most guys watch porn. If you leave your boyfriend because of this "problem" you will only find another man that does the same thing. He may not be as obvious as your boyfriend, but he will still watch it.

Answer 5

That's easy to fix, well it was in my case.

I told a friend about this problem and she advised me to buy a chastity device for him. He likes porn right?.

So I ordered one. I showed it to him and told him that would spice up our sex life.

So he agreed to try it. I put it on and locked it. I hung the key around my neck on a chain.

He thought it was fun. Anyway He complained at night because he had an erection and complained that it was uncomfortable. I unlocked it and he made love to me.

The next day when I got home from work I asked if he would wear it again. He wasn't so keen. Anyway I persuaded him and he did. The same thing. In the night he complained. This time I cuffed his hands to the bed head before removing it. I sat on top of him and made love.

After that he wanted his hands uncuffed. I said sure, but the chastity thing has to go back on first.

Anyway to cut a long story short.....It only comes of now when he's cuffed and I unlock it. It always gos back on before the cuffs come off.

He can't masturbate with it on at all, he can't even get an erection . Instead of watching porn he does house hold chores and pampers me in the hope that I will remove it and give him some relief.

It's worked that way for 3 months now. the first month he was mad at me but now I am the one who allows him relief and he does his best to please me in the hope that I'll release him and bring him to orgasm.

It's kind of like having a pet man.

That's my advice.

Answer 6

i understand your feelings towards porn, but i would say your over reacting no offence! every single guy looks at porn, its a compleatly natural thing to them, in a relationship every guy has his porn and every girl has either their toy or some erotic literature! dont feel offended that he was getting his relief by watching some porn, a guy cant have completly selfish sex with their partner, they have to make sure they last a resonable amount of time, pleasure their partner too, and make sure there is foreplay. he may have just wanted a quick one, without making it into a big thing so turned to porn and masterbation. dont feel offended over it, it was nothing personal at all!! if you dont feel like you can forget about it bring it up to him but not in an accusitory way, snuggle into him and huskily mention that if he was getting turned on he should have come to you, you could have given him a 'hand', as you would much rather be ravaged by him then have him look at porn, say it doesnt make you feel good enough for him or something which will make him feel like he's made you feel bad about your self so he will make it up to you rather then start accusing him about doing things behind your back and that you dont trust him which will only turn into an arguement! best thing tho would be to just forget about it, every man does it from the dawn of time and every guy will continue to do it until the end of time!!

Answer 7

I been through the same thing,I was hurt because I thought my boyfriend was having a problems with me. But even boys with gorgeous girlfriends look at porns and I know it hurt you. But,this is what I do. I watched it with him,and when he ready to ejaculate,he gets on top of me and do what he do. But it doesn't mean he don't care about how he feels about your feelings of the porn,and if it an addiction he has. Try talking to him again and say something new about the situation. Spice up your sex life,and he'll find a new addiction. Which would be you.

Answer 8

Watching porn is an important stage of a man's life. Some of us may be hooked to it, others are sick of it. There are also those who visit casually from time to time. First of all, he doesn't want you to to watch with him as it is seen as a failure on his part. He may see it as 'unfaithful' in a sense. Maybe he needs to watch it as a staple diet(addiction) or as a fantasy. It is neither right nor wrong. The tone you reflected made me believe that it is one of accusation, so naturally he will react defensively. It does not mean that he is less caring or loving you in a twisted sense so what you must convince him is that while it is not wrong, this action is hurting your feelings. BE FIRM. Don't compromise on your principles or you will be hurt later. Let him understand you. You must also not be so tough on him, give him some space. By constantly checking on him, you show distrust. Keyword is understanding - on both sides.

Answer 9

It's ok to watch porn. Men and women do it. But it's a problem when they're addicted to it and it takes over their lives. I think it was wrong for him to do it with his sister right there and to do it without telling you when you two agreed he wouldn't watch it and if he did he would tell you. But if he thinks you're sleeping then he's not going to wake you up for sex, he's going to let you sleep. I would talk to him about it. Ask him why he decided to watch porn when you two had an agreement.

Answer 10

wow, how aquward.....



but yeah, this sounds like how my relationship used to be. I threw a fit about it! i hate porn, with a passion. I think its gross and gives ppl a reason to mentally cheat on their partners. I felt the exact same way as you do, i can make him happy, why does he need to see other girls naked? You should have a very very deep disscution about it with him. When i did with mine i even threatened that if i found anymore i was gonna move back in with my parents. But you have to be very blunt about how you feel about it, and that your not gonna put up with it. I have an uncle that has playboy magz around the house and my aunt cant stand it, but she puts up with it. But i refuse to live that way! Your bf needs to consider your feelings towards it, be a man and grow up. Its either you or the porn.



good luck

Answer 11

Wow, this is a tough one. Maybe you should ask him if you turn him on. But be prepared for the answer. If he says yes, then ask him why he went to porn instead of having the real thing. Just remember, if you don't want the truth, then don't ask. You may not like his answers. Good luck.

Answer 12

Honestly looking at porn wont kill either of you, porn is just porn and nothing else. There is nothing wrong with watching it, I would rather have my bf look at porn rather than going out to get some. It is part of their nature to get aroused seeing naked woman and obviously it is part of their nature to like watching it. Just tell him its ok as long as he is not trading it for u.

Answer 13

it's up to you to decide what bothers you and what doesn't. some people consider porn OK in a relationship and others don't. so you are not overreacting if you've already told him you don't like it, and he lied and told you he wasn't looking at it.

he did lie, so it will be hard to trust him. if he has an addiction and is not getting professional help for it, i doubt he'll stop. that's why it's called an addiction instead of a hobby: it's unhealthy and compulsive.

Answer 14

I would give him a pass on this. Guys sometimes look at porn, and comfort themselves.



This is not a reflection in any way on you or how he feels about you.

Answer 15

Actually no it's not a huge red flag. Men look at porn. And it has nothing to do with you. He doesn't think those women are hotter or sexier or prettier. It's not cheating. It's not about you at all. But you are making it about you.



They don't even imagine having sex with those women like you probably think they do. It's all fantasy, they know it's not real. But for some reason women base their insecurities on what amounts to a whore. If he wanted a woman like that hun... he would be with one. He wanted a woman like you. He loves you.

Answer 16

be happy that he's getting his pleasure by porn & he's not out screwing someone else. forbidding a man to not watch porn is asking quite alot. so just chill out & be thankful that he's doing what he has to do to be faithful to you. that doesn't mean he's not interested in you, he may just like to watch someone else have sex for a change. who knows how men think. but just let him watch porn, and like i said, be glad he's not out cheating.

Answer 17

Yes. If it upsets you this much and he ignored you then end it. Because Im telling you, I use to date someone who had a socalled "addiction" to porn and it will never go away. Ditch him and leave him to only get pleasure from his own hand.

Answer 18

the only way i see your relationship working is if you start watching the porn WITH him. start fantasizing with him. talk dirty to each other. change it up a little each time. it just may turn you on more than you realize. if he knows he can watch it with you, he just may never want to watch it without you.

Answer 19

im a 19 year old guy and dont really see the deal with porn. why would I want to watch random people getting off, thats kinda sick if u ask me. its more natural to want to be intimate with ur GF, maybe make things fresh (but thats another yahoo question). also he lied to you, I dont really care about lying to people if they are ***holes but your his GF so lying has no justification here at all

Answer 20

That sucks. Maybe you should give him a break though, I mean come on as one of my good friends would say "that stuffs addicting". Again sorry though, I see your point.

Answer 21

NO you are not over reacting! Im in it wit yuo girl! porn is wrong it does nothing but tear down our self esteem and ruins normal sexual relations.I would advise you to leave him.

Answer 22

Love how there's 28 answers to this :p

Answer 23

maby its akward to ask for sex from you to him. and he diddnt want to get turned down so he went to porn . it shouldnt break yall up, i dont think he was soing it to hurt , offend , or find someone better looking. he just wanted pleasure.

Answer 24

Trust him, your overreacting. Now help him out with that thing.

Answer 25

you are so over reactign that is so stupid how you dont want him to watch porn. and if hes seriously that addicted go get professional help theres nothing you can do.

but seriously why would you get jealous over porn? why dont you just watch it with him

Answer 26

Guys will always look at porn.



YOu cant make him stop.. he will just hide it. It's not that weird, look how well Playboy does!



If you want him to do it in "private" that is totally normal.

Answer 27

u shud tell him how it makes u feel wen he wud rather masturbate over sum1 else than u bt watchin it 2getha cud b fun

Answer 28

the above answer was horrible! wow! thats not true at all. its an addiction! try shutting off your internet ^_^

Answer 29

he must be white. cause if i was with you I'd give it to you at least 3 times a day single everyday. I think you should leave him for David Duchovny.

Answer 30

Would you want screw him instead of letting him watch some porn.You are making all about you, you are being selfish.

Answer 31

you should have said nothing and gone straight to helping him out with it... not only would that be Fing amazing but maybe he would go to you first from then on

Answer 32

dont trust him a guy nwho promises n dont do it iz not a gud sign

Answer 33

It's no big deal though he should shut the doors!

Answer 34

girl my boyfriend is the same way and i feel the same way you do. he shouldnt have to look at porn if he has a girlfriend or wife. it makes us feel like were not good enough that he has to look at another girls breast and stuff to get off when they could just come to us. my boyfriend tells me it makes him want me more but i think it would make him want that person. one day i locked his computer so he couldnt look at it i threw all his dvds and magazines away that i could find.he was really pissed so he went out and bought more.im about to dump his sorry *** cuz i found someone who actually loves me and respects my feelings.

Answer 35

He shouldn't be looking at porn, at all. It makes girls feel bad about their looks and he needs to understand that. If he wants to be satisfied, he has you so he shoudlnt be looking at that stuff online. I think you should talk to him more firmly about it and how it makes you feel. If he really does love you, he'll do what he can to make you happy-stop watching porn.

Answer 36

i guess you should give him one more chance



at least if he worth it

Answer 37

he apparently has no respect for you if he broke a promise

Answer 38

tell him that if you arent good enough for him then there will be problems with your relationship. he will feel guilty and stop. :) good luck! :)