how would you handle this situation? would you lose your family for someone you love? answer please?

Question

Hello, thank you for taking the time to look at my question. Im here searching for answers im confused, and hurting.
Basically im in a situation where im in love with someone that i cant be with.
I met my ex partner 2 years ago and we was together uptill five weeks ago where we had a argument over something quite small and i ended things. This was partly because of the frustration of my parents disliking him because he has mental issues he has ocd and adhd and doesnt hold a steady job.... he noticed the disliking that they had against him and decided he wouldnt speak to both of my parents because they made it evident that they didnt think he was good enough for their daughter. Im 19 and hes 25.
Im in a sitaution now wherby, i love my ex completely and im stuck. I live at home ad my parents have said that if i take my ex back or if they find out i have communicated with him they will dis own me. I feel like i have to be with him but at the same time i dont want to lose my parents. Hes wrote me letters and i have called him without anyone knowing and he knows that my parents are controlling and influencing my decision not to be with him...im finding it so hard to understand how my family are controlling my decision, i know he has issues and i know hes hard work but i know i love him... and i listened to my mum who hates him to split up with him in the first place...i darent give him my number just in case my parents find out ive been communicating with him so i have to call from witheld.I just dont know what to do. His family lives in the area so thats how we met. so i have to be careful. I come from a strict background and im just scared. Ive told my parents i want him back ive been honest. They say they will dis own me.. so now im contemplating being secretive.
my question is... what would you do? i thought should i be with him in secret or fight this battle? or just let go...?
any advice is really appreciated. I just dont know what to do..should i see him and not tell my parents?i feel so controlled and unhappy.

Answer 1

You are controlled and unhappy with parents who don't want you to spend the rest of your life supporting a guy who is unable to take care of himself and will spend his life doing what you've seen him do since you met him.



Imagine yourself living in a two bedroom apartment when you're 60 having worked all your life having had children who have two dis-functional parents. You because you're never there because you do 100% of the work - both inside and outside the home. Him because he's mentally ill.



Imagine your children having the same problems.



This is what your parents foresee. Frankly I'd listen to them - like it or not and despite the legalities of your age - you're too young to make a decision of such a lasting nature.



HOWEVER parents who have faith in the way they've raised their children would have the courage to let their children go their own way, giving advise (once) and not orders, in hopes that the kids would see their way through dangerous times safely.



Meanwhile if your parents are supporting you then you OWE them to obey them. Your option is to leave hime and do your own thing which is a perfectly valid action if you think you're ready.

Answer 2

You know what??? Don't let your parents get you down. I was in a situation like this when I was 17 and my bf was 22 I am 21 now and he's 26 and we're happily married. My parents did EVERYTHING to prevent me from seeing him or talking to him.. I was basically locked in my room. But every single night I snuck out with him and made sure to call him while I was at school.. and after months and months of begging and crying to let me see him (even though I still was) they finally agreed to meet him. I swear my mom interviewed him like he was applying for a job! She even made a copy of his driver's license in case we tried to run away! But he stayed strong and did that for me. Don't let your parents get in the way of true love. I've seen this happening too much. Because honestly parents just DON'T understand sometimes. But you know what??? Now my parents absolutely LOVE him since they gave him a chance they call him their son and they mean it! Even if your parents seem really set on disowning you don't let them fool you they obviously love you and only if they didn't love you then they would be so cruel to disown you. Don't give up!

Answer 3

same situation here i will tell you onething if you ever go against your parents somwhere in the future u will regret your choice its upto you to decide who is more important i know you love him and expect him to love you and your family but what about your parents dont they expect you to be happy in the way dont worry they will find someone for you they are telling against because your too young to get married or something do you have any assurance that he will love you the way like before and onemorething sometimes its hard to accept the thing but you have to move on with life be brave at this stage you must listen to your parents 9819397849 call if you need more help

Answer 4

I think you should be with him, because from my own experiences, you can't lose your family, but you can lose a guy. Keep the guy, and go out with him as much as you want, because you are old enough to make your own decisions. Your parents will calm down with him pretty soon, because they can't stop you.

Answer 5

Personally I would leave my family behind. Then again I have always had a really bad relationship with my family ever since I was little.



If your family really cared about you they would support your decision to date this man.

Answer 6

I don't know what to say, but think about that your parents raised you..19 years thats long u know? and they want your best but still if you really do love him then id say...fight, but dont run away that wont make it better, it would make it worse.

Answer 7

if i was in that situation ,i would go back to school , college, away from home ---if you can afford it . distance will give you time to think about it, gives you an idea of how to handle everything. but ,keep in touch with your friend and write or call frequently. situations have a way to sort themselves out with time. i wish you luck .

Answer 8

Tell your parents about your relationship with him. They will NEVER disown you. They may be angry at first, but they will settle.. Hope your parents understand that you are independent and that you love whoever you want to love :)

Answer 9

I strongly believe family is most important. If you really love him i think you should confess