should i lower my standards or stick to them?

Question

i'm 17 years old and i'm a black girl that lives in a small town in georgia. i'm pretty unique compared to a lot of the other black girls down here, so people say anyways. i listen to a lot of indie bands and old school rock (queen, bruce springsteen, david bowie, u2). i tend to wear a lot of american eagle and i'm pretty proper because i read a LOT. all of my friends and family say unless i lower my standards i won't be able to find a boyfriend because of how different i am. i don't care what the color is of the person i end up with as long as we get along but i don't wanna spend the rest of my life alone.

Answer 1

1. You're only 17. It's too early to worry about spending the rest of your life alone. When you hit middle age and you're still alone, then you can start worrying.



2. Do NOT lower your standards because people tell you it will help you find a boyfriend. If you do, and you actually start dating someone, chances are it won't last long, because it's hard to respect and love someone when they don't hold the same standards and have similar tastes to yours.



3. Because of who you are, you will probably be able to find someone better than your family and friends (and you) ever imagined. So hold out girl. Being true to yourself and your differences is more important at this early point in your life than finding a boyfriend. Not that you can't have both! Because that might happen too, just don't sacrifice on for the other. If that makes sense.



You can do it, I know you can! Good luck. :)

Answer 2

For a seventeen year-old, you are WAY ahead of the game. Most people do find out who they are until they reach their late twenties, and for some, their thirties.



You should never lower your standards when it comes to a relationship. You would want to meet someone on your level or at least that's headed in that direction (being under 21 and all). I can tell you from experience, lowering your standards for ANYTHING will bring you nothing but misery. Most young men your age will not seem as mature as you and that's OK. You have plenty of time to continue to grow as a wonderful human being. I would love to see you leave your hometown to discover the rest of the world, by way of college or advancing in your chosen career. By being open to so many different things in life, you will meet a great man who will recognize your worth. Be patient and wait for him.



Until then, date casually, make some great friends and above all, have fun!

Answer 3

I don't think lowering your standard is a good idea.. Not only will that stray your relationship with the guy but the feelings you will have of him/about him. How will he feel if he ended up really liking you and finding out that you think he's worthless and you just settled for him. You don't ever want to settle for something less when you know you can have it all. I can't believe your families and friends told you to change your standards because of who you are and how different you are compared to them. When you leave, go to college, travel the world and do many more you will regret not living to the fullest because you settled for something safe. You're still young, you will be able to choose a life in a big city and start your career that you dream of. Take a chance and if it fails brush it off, get back up and start over again.

Answer 4

It sounds like your friends and family are concerned for you, which is good, but they could also be jealous of you. Guys that want you to lower your standards nowadays only want you to lower your pants. The real gems are the guys that love you for your beauty inside. I am like you, (read a lot, really proper, small SMALL town) and I found a wonderful guy that's an equal balancing force. He is intelligent so we can talk about politics, books, and movies at any given moment. He is also artistic and very sweet. I'm glad I didn't lower my standards for my former boyfriend, because then I wouldn't have met the guy I'm with today. You'll meet Mr. Right someday. But there's so few out there, don't be disappointed if it takes a few years.

Answer 5

The only standard which shall always stand is that of love; to a person truly good in anything, only the nature of the other matters. This is the simplest, yet the highest one; I see that if I were to speak of love to the many, endeavouring to demonstrate and tell wherefore it is good, how is it good and what is valuable in a relationship, I would be but considered easy and probably many would speak as if I never asked anything of anyone. But, beware not to be mistaken, for I see that of all these men and women who would see me as an easy man without demands, none is to be any more demanding that I really am. Of them all, we are but a handful of people understanding that it is a question of heart and that seeking anything further will later come in contradiction with this very thing. Only those who live this way will truly see the beauty of such a thing as love and, to others, their illusions awaits.





"You do not want to end up with a bad person"... That's interesing how people assume they can tell apart good and evil. Rare are those who truly deserved to be deemed as good.

Answer 6

DO NOT LOWER YOUR STANDARDS!!! Like you said, you live in small town. I hope you plan to go to college. Your world will be so much bigger once you branch out. I am not black but I felt the same way in my town at 17...like everyone was this cookie cutter type person and I broke the mold. Then I got to college and the world was so much bigger!

So branch out and meet new people. Don't change or lower your standards for ANYONE or ANY GUY! It's just not worth it. Eventually you'll wake up one day and realize you lost yourself.

Good luck!!

Answer 7

STICK TO THEM

You already know who you are and what you want so why should you try to compromise JUST because the people tell you that you might not get a boyfriend because you're DIFFERENT?



You're only 17 & I KNOW you will find a guy who will live up to your dreams.

Answer 8

Lowering standards won't really help you. You might get a guy but it won't be what you want. Stand for what you want and the person how truly cares about who you ARE will be the one worth being with. Never change for somebody before you'd even know them. After that, a relationship is all about compromise.

Answer 9

Why do you care about what other ppl say?

I think you are intelligent and very special, and any man would notice that. Think about this:

Man who loves you, will accept you for who you are, and the other ones, doesn't really matter how beautiful or handsome they are, are just nobodies. You should pay attention to our surroundings, and consider that racism is affecting your situation. Don't you ever low you standards, or stop being who you are, because of a guy, or because of anybodies opinion. you are you, and they have to respect that. Love is going to find you, and that day you are going to know it all.

Good luck!!



Lady Loyalty

Answer 10

OMG guys everywhere are looking for girls like you. Smart, unique, and with minds of there own. Don't you dare lower your standards for other people. That sounds like pure jealousy coming from your family. Believe me, not of people try to be other people and are completely miserable. Be yourself, and most of life works itself out. you're only 17, there is lots of time to meet new people and find someone who is right for you.

Answer 11

Having standards isn't bad as long as there not over the top. But if you think your standards are okay then don't change them. You don't want to be going out with a bad person just because you dont want to be lonely.

Answer 12

You're 17. If you have sex with someone a year older than you they would get arrested. Start worrying when you turn 35 and haven't had a boyfriend for more than 2 months.

Answer 13

DON'T CHANGE!



I am almost exactly like you, except for the fact I am white. But, I am colorblind.

Anyways, if you change your standards then the guy who is different may come a long see that and, hopefully not but its a possibility, change his mind.

Individuality is something you should be of very proud of.

Don't change, Don't give up hope.

Answer 14

I'm a lot like you, I live in a small town, I wear AE and Aero, and I read a lot. I found myself a wonderful girl. I'm sure that you can find a wonderful guy.

Answer 15

OMG! Girl, you gotta stick to your standards no matter what! Hey, you can only be yourself. A little advice: Beware of those who try to change you! You are the only one who has a right to change something about yourself.

Answer 16

Your friends are not too bright. If you lower your standards then you end up with someone who doesn't like you for you so it won't work anyway.

Answer 17

stick to your guns....your family feels threatened because you are out of the norm and new things scare people. Your best bet would be to move to NYC Miami or California where people are accepting of everything.

Answer 18

go to atlanta (in 1970 peachtree park was so beautiful) with some friends for the weekend and you'll find that kids are the same everywhere.

Answer 19

Just move to Los Angeles where there are no standards.

Answer 20

STICK WITH THEM. you sound like an incredible girl that any guy would be lucky to have. dont change who you are just because others think a guy will like you more. "what makes you different , makes you beautiful". stick to who you truly are and you'll be golden :)

Answer 21

Don't LOWER you're standards thats a BAD idea, you don't wanna date a guy who you can't be you're self around anyway

Answer 22

dont change! be you changing yourself, or lowering your standards is not cool, a person has to love for you not for something fake, you dont need to change to find the right guy believe me, youll be glad just be you

Answer 23

Well if you want to find the perfect person for you stick to them. How can you expect someone to like you if your not yourself?

Answer 24

I can tell that you're very intellegent. You deserve a guy that meets your high standards.

Answer 25

i feel the same way, but I've learned that you should never compromise your standards to just not be alone. because the relationship probably won't have that much substance.



answer mine?

https://answersrip.com/question/index?qid=20100325185517AAGE1HW

Answer 26

i wld stick with your standards.. because if u lower them all ur gonna end up with is a guy who ur not rly happy with.

Answer 27

Stick to them. You should never settle for anything less than you deserve.

Answer 28

Stick to your standards. You do not deserve otherwise.



Answer mine please:

https://answersrip.com/question/index?qid=20100325112829AAmji18

Answer 29

I say that you stick with them, but it would be much easier if you told us your standards...

Answer 30

ur 17 dont worry about it lol

Answer 31

stand by them, in the end you will be happy

Answer 32

stick to them. you're smarter than that.