Would you trust someone who slept with someone else so quickly?

Question

Hi, I'm just curious to see what others think of this current situation. I'm 20 and my boyfriend is 21. We had been together for 3 years but recently we have been arguing and not getting along for quite a bit. Last week, he decided we were to go on a 'break', I don't really agree with breaks during a relationship but I didn't want to loose him totally so I agreed. The following evening he went to work and straight after that he went to a party. The next morning he was calling me and texting me asking if he could come round and was acting all normal, we were together again. Now we've been back together nearly a week and I found out from a friend that he had slept with someone else at the party, 9 hours after we had split up. I feel really angry to have let him get back with me after this as whenever we nearly split up he always says 'it's likely if we split up tonight I'll do something with someone else' and saying that he always gets too drunk he never knows if he's done anything with anyone else that he doesn't know about. How am I meant to trust him? Now he seems like he really wants to get back to normal and that he only wants to be with me but I just can't get the image out of my head, I would never do that to him. What do you think?

Answer 1

Dump him he is playing you for a fool. I know I have done this myself several times now I am 70 and alone. I wish I could do it all over again I would change myself quite a bit. He needs a wake up call: give it to him!

Answer 2

First off: WHAT THE HELL IS A 'BREAK'? Breaks are what people take from their jobs so that they can get lunch or have a cigarette or whatever. In a relationship, there is no in-between with me; either we are together or we aren't

Answer 3

any time i get marry to my wife is like i am not no longer trust any one .you can not left a woman with boy at home and come home the way i left her  at home ,is very risk to all marry woman or man .

Answer 4

To answer your Question in my honest opinion, I did trust someone too Quickly like that before and it was my mistake, which I will never repeat again.



From reading your entire passage, your Boyfriend sounds a little fishy to me with that break. And getting too drunk sounds like an excuse to me. Just worry for the later if he does it again which we hope not anyway. Good luck.

Answer 5

Depends if ge knew they weren't getting back together like me and my ex split nearly 2 months ago and I'm dating, I agreed to it because I know for reason we broke up we can't get back together 

Answer 6

The break was to hookup and then come back to you to get busy.

Answer 7

Your dear boyfriend wants to have his cake and eat it too.  Tell him what your standards are and if his is lower than yours, find a decent man. 

Answer 8

I wouldn't trust anyone that wanted a "break" in a serious relationship. If any lady I dated wanted a break from our relationship, it would be permanent break

Answer 9

Id be willing to bet he had this planned out in advance long before you gave in and accepted his idea of taking a break. This is not uncommon,and I think he needs to know how you feel about it.

Answer 10

If you wouldn't do it to him then don't let him do it to you. Fair is fair.

Answer 11

You were on a break!!!



kidding.



I'd forgive it if it were a one time mistake but your bf seems to have a habit of breaking up and shagging other people. I think it's stupid it took Rachel a hundred seasons to forgive Ross - they were broken up and he was clearly sorry he slept with that woman.



Your bf I am not so sure about.

Answer 12

"How am I meant to trust him?" is a well-phrased question. It conveys that you *want* to examine all the information and that you don't *desire* to punish him or prove him wrong, but that the information you have indicates that he doesn't have a particularly deep devotion to you (hence the 'break' and the hookup).  Without knowing him, it's possible there are worthwhile reasons to love him.  He could be a good guy! But like most 21 year old guys of his generation, it's normal for him to want to date lots of women and "see what's out there".  A lot of guys don't even begin to consider seriously commitment until after age 25--but usually older.  In 5-10 years, he might (or might not) be ready for commitment.  But as a young woman in your physical prime....I wouldn't wait for him.  If commitment is what you desire, would you be open to dating older guys in their mid/late twenties?  Or perhaps, guys around your age who show strong interest in commitment? Your decision is totally *your* decision---you can do whatever you desire--and yet as an 'older' woman (35), I think you are very wise to question his readiness to be happily monogamous.      

Answer 13

I would break up with him instantly! He had sex with someone else 9 hours after you went on a break... he was willing to bin a 3 year relationship for some meaningless sex whilst you were on a break? you deserve better! 

Answer 14

From experience, I have thoughts about being with other women besides my current gf because I am young but I wouldn't follow up those thoughts because I know I'm just horny. You have to know anyone can provide sex but not just anyone will provide a meaningful relationship. I'd have to say he probably just wanted a different experience. To wrap it up though, this negatively affected your relationship. Be it now, next week or at 2am seven years from now, you'll remember it. You're too young to be dealing with people like that. If he truly valued you, he wouldn't let something like alcohol effect his loyalty to you. He showed his true colors.

Answer 15

Dump him. He is an immature kid and you don't need that in your life.

Answer 16

You say 'we' decided to go on a break, but you don't really agree with them. You did it , so as not to lose him. You mention what he says every time time split up.  'Normal' to him is having you as a stand-by girlfriend.  To him 'a break' means he either has someone in mind to have sex with, or he wants to feel free to look for it. As for  getting 'too drunk' he chooses to get drunk, seeing it as a way to excuse his behavior.

Answer 17

What do you think he's gonna cry about you and have a breakdown?  It's human nature to want to make yourself feel better. I think it's great he was able to keep positive and not cry over your sorry ***. He sounds like a very strong, self assured person. How was he supposed to know you weren't serious? Obviously he doesn't mess about with games and will take you for your word. In future don't play games, if you don't want to break up with someone then don't break up with them just to hurt and control them.

And don't break up with a guy just to hurt them, you won't,  as you can see you are easily replaced. 

Answer 18

"WE WERE ON A BREAK!"

Answer 19

No not at all. One should respect their body.

Answer 20

I think you need to get a grip on how reality really works.  And the first rule of reality is this:  There is no "on a break" status in a relationship.  You're either officially together with someone, or you're friggin' single.  And single people don't have to explain their sex lives to anyone, which is the one and only advantage to being single.



If you were thinking "on a break" means not officially together but still not single, you were thinking wrong.  If you had found someone five minutes after "on a break" was agreed (not saying you would, just saying if) and had full-on sex with them, you would have done nothing wrong.  You wouldn't have anything to explain to anyone if you had done that, because you weren't officially together with anyone when you did it.  You were single at the time, and single people answer only to themselves when it comes to sex.



Whether or not you trust him is entirely up to you.  But he didn't do anything wrong, so don't pretend this is about him.

Answer 21

I trust no one period!

Answer 22

can't trust someone like that

Answer 23

He enjoys easy sex.  You provide it: so did she

Answer 24

I wouldn't trust him.  The break is a mechanism.  He wanted another person, he had another person. That will probably happen again in the future.  Knowing that you have to decide if you still want the relationship or not. 

Answer 25

If you two broke up, then you have no reason to trust or mistrust him after the break up. Technically, you weren't a couple even if it was only for a few hours.



And guys are famous for rushing out and having sex with someone else, if they can, right after a break up. But most guys don't have women hurling themselves at him. So it doesn't always go the way a guy plans.



You have to make your own decisions about this guy. We can't do it for you.



You did mention that he threatens to get with someone else if you two have talked about breaking up in the past. This, to me, shows he's emotionally still a child. Who makes threats like that? If my boyfriend told me he was going to do something with someone else if we broke up, i'd tell him to go for it. Who cares what he'd do? It wouldn't be hurting me And honestly, i don't want a CHILD, i prefer a gentleman who acts like a man. So that would be the end of us.

Answer 26

Sounds like in your situation he didn't want to two time you so asked for a break because he already knew he was getting with the other girl.



I have never understood having a break in a relationship. Either you are with someone or you are not.



If a girl did that to me I would dump her.

Answer 27

I thin he want "on a break" to get with someone else and the drunk excuse is totally bogus. You can't trust this guy. He takes no responsibility for his actions and expects you to accept his lame excuses he just isn't worth a future with him.

Answer 28

I agree. When he said he wanted a break from you he already knew he was going to get with another girl sexually but he didn't want you to know about it. What happened is she dumped him when she found out he had a gf and so what you do is dump his sorry self for treating you like dog poop. End it. He is not to be trusted.

Answer 29

I think there are enough red flags here and I also think that you know the correct answer to your problem already and just need us to confirm it.



Basically, no one wants 'a break' from a relationship that satisfies them and by agreeing to it, you're simply pandering to what HE wants out of fear of losing him completely.



Why are you afraid of that? He doesn't sound like much of a keeper... he slept with someone else as soon as you were 'on a break'.



Look, some relationships just aren't meant to be and it's futile trying to make them work.



My advice is to end this one completely and find a guy that you actually get along with and don't spend all your time arguing with.



And no more 'breaks'.

Answer 30

What do YOU think?



If you can't answer your own question, you're not mature enough to be in an adult relationship. 

Answer 31

From what you wrote, it sounds like the break was to hook up with someone. I would be angry too, i would feel disrespected. Good luck!

Answer 32

Well it kind of seems like he is just waiting for his chance to sleep with someone else, so no, I wouldn't trust him fully. Then again, you agreed to the break, and if you aren't together, he can sleep with who ever he likes.



Guys will console themselves after a split by sleeping with someone else. And if they are okay with the split, they will jump at the chance to hop into bed with someone new. This is something you need to remember.



From personal experience, when ever I've put the idea of a break out there with an ex, it was because i was tired of the relationship and there was someone else I wanted to sleep with. If they put the idea of a break out there, I comforted myself by sleeping with someone out of spite.

Answer 33

Sometimes that happens I don’t believe it makes u a bad person

Answer 34

That’s hard to hear people do make mistakes when their drunk but hooking up right after starting a break is sketchy but also he could of been caught up in emotions and  drunk brain always says **** it so there’s that but I mean it all depends on what u took a break for if it was something stupid I wouldn’t trust this guy

Answer 35

Him hooking up with her was no accident. You two have been having problems, so he started looking around, and he met her during that time, and that's why he wanted to take a break from you. It was all part of the plan.



This dude is very untrustworthy, definitely not someone who I would say is relationship material. If I were you, I would dump this guy. He has shown you is true colors.



You say you "cannot get the image (of him and another chick) out of your head", and that's a very understandable way to feel, especially since this is so fresh.



If you do decide to give him another chance, I personally would not but I am not you, then that is your decision, but if find that after a time what he did still haunts you, then that's when you know it's time to move on, because otherwise you're staying in a situation where you will never have any peace.



Remember this: "Sometimes it is better to leave a bad situation, than to stay and try to fix it."

Answer 36

Taking a break doesn't signify a breakup.  A break is giving some space between both of yoy to evaluate your relationship. A breakup is all ties cut as a couple.  If he slept with someone else it's called cheating 

Answer 37

Leave that trash. If he can't be with you and you alone what makes you think this won't happen again? Use your head and put your emotions aside.

Answer 38

I wouldn't trust a romantic partner as you describe.

Answer 39

Find Yourself a better man

Answer 40

I think he picked a fight with you so that he could say you needed to go on

break, so then he could go and sleep with someone else.

Tell him he's rotten, and if he doesn't listen to you or have any

inclination for an apology then leave him.

Answer 41

I think you should dump him. The reason he wanted to "take a break" was so he would have the opportunity to sleep with someone new - which he proceeded to do only 9 hours later.  A couple who are serious about each other don't take "breaks". 

Answer 42

HE decided you would go on a break? That is supposed to be mutually agreed upon, if it happens. All he did was create a "single" night for himself so he could get with another woman. I think he's completely self centred and selfish. I'd dump him, but I'm not you.

Answer 43

Good reason you can't get it out of your head, sounds like he initiated the "break" JUST so he could go out and do this other, then straight back to you like nothing happened. Please do NOT fall for it. Chances are the sex with another was the real reason for the "break"n and it may not be the ONLY time it happened either..

Answer 44

What do I think? I think he isn't ready for an exclusive commitment with you, that he blames alcohol instead of responsibly owning his own choices, and that you should not have sex with him until both of you have gotten tested for STD's and received clean bills of health.  

Answer 45

"Break" means that they want to go bang someone else. Walk away, he looked you in the eye and said he was going to go ball another girl, and you let him.

Answer 46

I think that someone who gets too drunk to know what he's doing is a very bad risk for a relationship. 

Answer 47

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