How do I tell my girlfriend that the reason I'm unhappy is because I miss my ex?

Question

So me and my ex were very close and literally spend all day together for most of the week. For 3 months she was an intrinsic part of my life, in fact, she was literally my life. We hooked up in the first week of uni and I never really bothered to make other friends as I spent all my time with her. Anyway, around Christmas time she cheated on me and we broke up. As strange as it sounds, we still remained friends for a while.

Anyway, my ex and I have been drifting apart and she's gotten a bunch of 'new' friends. Basically, I miss being friends with her, I don't miss the sex or the intimacy, just having someone to spend time with on a daily basis (my girlfriend lives out of town so we see each other mostly at weekends). Obviously the solution is to get new friends. Unfortunately this is less straight forward than it sounds but that's a topic for another question.

I've been quite unhappy for the last few days, but I don't know how to explain to my girlfriend that it's because I miss my ex. I mean, she was there to comfort and console me when we first broke up. And before we got in a relationship, she said she had reservations because of how things were with my ex. (ie, lack of proper closure) I don't want to lie to her about why I'm unhappy or make something up, I just need some advice on how to phrase this. That or solve the problem, but that's more of a long term issue.

Answer 1

U dont really tell her unless ur ready for another break up.

Answer 2

You need to figure out how much your current girlfriend means to you. To be honest going by those few paragraphs it really doesn't sound like she means that much when compared to your ex so maybe you should reconsider whether you should be even dating her. But then again it's just 3 paragraphs, who am I to know the real story.



But lets say if she does mean a lot to you (your current) then you need to tell her but there is a certain way you can do these things without turning it into a massive blow up. First of all address the issue with you and her, maybe you aren't acting as happy when you see her any more. Then explain to her that it isn't because of her that you've been feeling unhappy, she should then ask well why are you unhappy then. Then explain the situation like you have here, explain first of all that the only friend you really had was your ex to begin with and now that your drifting apart that while your current girlfriend isn't there you haven't got anyone to talk to or hang out with in person and that you're feeling unhappy due to that. Explain that it's not to do with the romantic part of your previous relationship but the friendship part. If she still gets upset then maybe try pointing out (only if it's true) that it wouldn't suck so much if your current girlfriend was there for you more often and yeah just that it sucks that you guys can't see each other more.



I think by saying it that way it will really take the highlight off of your ex and more onto your current girlfriend and how it all relates to her and your relationship. Anyway I hope that helps.

Answer 3

She may deserve to know, but she definitely won't want to know. If you miss your ex, even on a friend-level, it clearly means you're not that into your new girlfriend, and you haven't gotten over the old one. You either need to let go and move on with your new girlfriend, or stop wasting her time thinking about your ex instead of her.

Answer 4

be honest hon she deservs to know