Question:
help my relationship!!!?
Sarah
2012-06-21 06:16:22 UTC
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 months. we talked about our pasts which are very different and found we got on brilliantly. I told him that I had been hurt several times before by ex boyfriends and that a flaw of mine was finding it very difficult to trust again. he cancelled the date with the other person and we have been together ever since. he sent me a screenshot of his profile deletion to appease any concerns and was open about people contacting him. he pretty much spend all our time together and have discussed a future in depth - even viewing a house together. we decided mutually that it was too soon to move in together due to debt and not wanting to destroy the honeymoon period by forcing it too quickly - being sensible. we have had a few disagreements that he has asked for space to think and clear his head as he clams up and in his words USN’t a good talker. i do not understand his need for that as i need problems fixing there and then otherwise i fear the worst always and stew for days which only makes a small problem bigger for me whilst he calms down. inevitably i get a text with his conclusion that he had his space and is now happy to go ahead again with the relationship. i offer compromise and say we need to talk to get through things as a couple and that if we have a future and live together there will be no 2nd option of me leaving his house to give him space (it is a tiny flat). we never bicker even though its such a small place, never get annoyed with each other, we have great and regular sex, so we are always busy together. i had a holiday booked with the girls before i met him and i went away 3 weeks ago. uploaded a couple of photos on facebook of me - alone in the picture so not anything suspicious at all and we had spoken a lot whilst i was away and i wake up on the last day of the holiday to find him having a go at me by text for a couple of men (my friends that are not exes or in any way had an involvement with as I am not friends with any ex in reality or on facebook) commenting on the photo - nothing major at all, complimentary but not seedy. I couldn't see what they had written so I told him i didn't know anything about it but his reaction to something i had no control over upset me. i cried on the phone to him asking why he was having a go at me for something i literally didn't know about or could control. he came off the phone and sent me a text saying that he never wants me to cry, he became a bit jealous because he loves me (that was the first time he ever said he loves me) that he wanted a future with me and not to worry when we argue that he would finish it because that's the last thing he will do. i come back from holiday and everything is great - he loves me and i love him, he never says it first outright - more as a response to me but says it back nevertheless. however, on monday i felt something was wrong and checked his phone due to a gut feeling - he had text another woman saying he thought about her often and that he remembered she was a great kisser. he then went on to apologise for how he treated her in the past. her responses weren't exactly overly friendly but i confronted him in a calm way asking why he had done that. he could’t give me an answer, he looked down, got upset – I asked what his intent was and he said there was none – it was nothing. I packed my stuff but then stayed – i wanted to talk to him but he wanted half an hour to have some space. I gave him that – he came back and said he loves me, just me and wants to make this work no matter what. We went to a local national park and sat – i explained how hurt i was and he listened but did’t say much. When we got back to his flat he wanted me to go home – i refused and stayed trying to ask why he did it but more so did he want us to work and fix it. I collected my things the next day as I’m now staying a friends house to clear my head. He has ended the relationship and i have begged him not to – I have told him we can get over this so many times but he says he feels its tainted because if what hes done and cannot look me in the eye because he has hurt me. then he says he doesn't’t want it to end. He still says he loves me but I cannot get my head around him saying that and him just not wanting to try to repair the damage and trust (by no means have i overreacted – I see this as a blip in a fantastic relationship and we can get through with honesty).I love him, he says he loves me – I just don’t know what to think but I cannot beg someone to be with me – god knows how much I have tried. He says the relationship was pretty much perfect and he has destroyed it and the guilt of hurting me is too much. Help me Im so confused!!
Five answers:
BodyGuard
2012-06-21 06:38:57 UTC
At least you won't be told you didn't put enough detail into the question. lol.



To be honest, I'm inclined to tying the two situations together, first the texts to the other woman, then him wanting to break off the relationship with you. It also seems like he has a bit of a...forgive me for saying so...sulky attitude. Some people do get "stuttery" when they are frustrated, but even that is not really a good reason for leaving to "think" the situation over. It also doesn't make much sense that he waited so long to tell you that he loved you...as well as getting mad about pictures on FB.



I think there is a chance he may not know what he really wants. For guys like that, a relationship is very hard to come by.



But it's just my opinion
anonymous
2012-06-21 06:39:27 UTC
First of all girl i know how it feels.He cant live with the guilt that he hurt you because he DOES love you and it hurts him to know he hurt you. As for his texting another girl i cant explain it but yet again no one will ever truely understand a man! I think you should just keep letting him know how much you really care about him and maybe he will come to his senses and get back together again! I may not have much experience with men (as i am only just about 17) but if its one thing you take from this its this- if you guys really love each other it will all work out i promise!!
Rahim
2012-06-21 06:41:44 UTC
The only thing you can do in a situation like this is wait while expecting the worst. It's hard but it's life. If he really wants to make it work, you guys will be back at it. It just takes time
Bez_606
2012-06-21 06:29:25 UTC
It doesn't sound as if he is being particularly honest with you, more he is using his apparent "guilt" as an excuse. If the relationship, in his eyes, were that good, he wouldn't be texting another woman.

Howere, if he is being genuine and sincere, it clearly highlights his inability to express himself, something he probably needs to work on or get help with.

Ultimately, though, if he doesn't want to continue the relationship, there is little you can do about it.
(8) AND I SAID (8)
2012-06-21 06:18:58 UTC
tl;dr


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