I need to know how to feel normal. I am never myself after my first time.?

Question

I am pretty young.
My boyfriend is a year older.
I love him so much he is not like most guys.
He does not just talk he does and he has changed so much with the 6 months we have been together.
No lie. and he loves me so much..I broke up with him once because I heard he did something he did not do(You know how high school can be)
But after I did he cried during school and everything.
Then everything was solved and we were happy again.

I have been thinking about making love to him but I didn't want to I was scared and all
We talked about it and he understood and he would wait.

Well one day he was at my house.
And I told him i would. but I was kidding.
And he ran to the gas station to get condoms.
When he came back he was like I was too scared I couldn't.
I was like really? Then he threw them at me and smiled. Then turned and held me.

He kept kissing me and I was shaking and like could not even kiss him
And he could tell but he was way horny AND turned into someone else. Someone who is an ***. Not him at all.
We went up stairs.
And I was scared and everything he did not care.
He put the condom on and fucked me. Yes I was in love and wanted it for love but he didn't
I was crying the hole like 5 minutes It did not hurt I did not feel it at all for One he was not all the way horny cuz I was crying and Two I could not even think.(Like I was scared and wondering why I was doing that. And I was too young and everything)
And he never stopped.
Then I pushed him and scream IT DOES NOT COUNT IM STILL A VIRGIN.

Ever sense then he has changed more and says sorry I like raped you
But he did not.
I forgive him and still love him

But..

I can't look at him the same
And the love is much different then before.
I don't know what to do!

I want to feel normal.
I need to. Him and me had so many plans of growing old together
Now I can't see him the same.


How do I fix it?
Should i take like depression pills?

help(:

Answer 1

I'm really sorry to hear you are feeling like this, and it sounds like something traumatic happened to you.

No anti-depressant pills are not for you, they are for people with no specific reason for feeling down who need to alter the chemical imbalance in their brain, You on the other hand, have a reason for feeling confused and you really need to talk to someone about it.



Guys can be really thoughtless,immature and just plain animals sometimes. You need to take a step back and take time to analyse this. It's possible that he's just a teenage guy who deep down does have a sensitive heart but he's not good at reading your emotions and he screwed up. But there's a chance that this isn't part of his growing up and you've seen the true, ugly side to his personality.



Talk to someone impartial, a friend, a teacher or perhaps your doctor...It could be scary talking to someone but once you get started it'll feel a whole lot better talking it out with someone face to face.



I'd suggest keeping your distance from your boyfriend for a while. Talk to him when the times right about how he hurt you, betrayed you and made you feel like he didn't care. You'll be able to tell if he's genuinely upset and sorry, but don't let him think that all he needs to say is sorry and he's forgiven--- he certainly needs to earn back your trust.



Hope you resolve this, its best to talk it through now, don't bottle this up it will haunt you and be much worse in years to come if you don't and may damage future relationships...

All the best hun xox

Answer 2

don't take pills its obvious you werent ready, i knew someone who took pills and they made her even more depressed give it time atleast 6 months or more women are different to men it happens to all of us you should have stood your ground even if he brought them anyway whats done is done keep in contact, talk about it dont block it out dont jump into something like that again until your 100% sure or even just to make your partner happy. GIVE IT TIME N DONT TAKE TH PILLS!!

Answer 3

Sounds to me that you are confused. You need to break free from this relationship and get your feelings together. You need a break from it all. You will find someone else in the future who will make you feel so much more than you are feeling now. Trust me i learned the hard way.



x

Answer 4

The real question is whether or not he can make you orgasm, if he can't then you may want to start playing with yourself to determine what you like. It's certainly not abnormal- but you are in the minority of women.

Answer 5

you need to talk to him..



when men get horny they can get carried away..but if you were crying and upset he should of stopped.



it depends how you feel...

its ovb you didnt feel ready and was shocked my what was happening..which is normal he ovb didnt realize that..



its up to you if you can get over it mayb you should have a break but talk to him about it =] and dont feel like you have to do anything to keep any man happy if your not ready too x

Answer 6

oh my... maybe u two should talk about it.. get closure. Get a bit of therapy and all, just take it slow and hopefully you 2 can get throo it. :)