im going crazy. this man changed my life i miss him HELP?

2008-12-10 18:33:17 UTC

im 14. this never happen to me in my life i never beleived in love i always thought people were just bull shitting and they just mean they really liked someone but just use the word love. This summer me and my bestfriend met two hott older guys and we felt cool hanging out with them. We are really pretty girls so they actually tried real hard to get us. One of them started to talk to me. hes 19. we talked hours and hours each day and he would go out of his way to see me whenever he could even if it was just for a minute. He was so sexxy to me but i really started to liek him. He treated me so good and dont even say he just wanted *** because i never gave it to him. It ended up that i was spending every day with him and every night on the phone with him. i felt i was ready to have sex and i knew this man that i loved was the person i was willing. this was after a few months of spending every second together. i was very possesive over him and he was very controlling of me because he loved me so much. i became dependant on his phone calls and on him in every way because this was the first guy i ever loved, i would do anything for, the guy i lost my virginity to and the person i felt i wanted to spend the rest of my life with [it still is but ill go on] anyway hes been on probation for somthing he did when he was younger that he regrets. i would do anything for this man and i felt he was all i needed in my life so i kept my best friend and sort of dropped all the rest but to me it didnt matter he was the only thing i wanted. I was with or talking to him 24/7 so i no for a fact he never cheated or tried. I had so much more self esteem and confidence from being with him. He had a problem and had to move in with his brother into queens. we continued to talk and he would take the train every day to see me. but he didnt tell his probation officer that he was moving so they arrested him. I felt like i lost my hole entire life that day. The weekend before he was in jail he asked me to marry him and when i got older to move in with him and that it was true love that he never had. He got his sister to get me an account on my cell phone so he could call from jail but somtimes he cant and i cry every night its been a few months since he went to jail and i still cry every night. He cried to me on the fone a bunch of times and i just cant go one with out him. im in highschool and there are so many hott guys that want to get with me but i would never even want them. its not that i dont like them but somthing inside me only wants him. he said he wants me to be happy no matter what. He is getting out of jail in a few months but this is the person that i cant go ten minutes without thinking of him he changed my life so much and i am asking how i can over come a little bit of my sadness without him? dont tell me to move on because thats not happening. HELP HELP PLEASEEEE