Is my girlfriend too uncommitted for us to be engaged or is she uncommitted because we are not engaged?

Question

My girlfriend of 16 months has been asking that we get engaged. I believe this is an amazing woman but I am not sure that she is really committed.

She expects me to act like a husband. I must pay for everything when we go out (she probably makes as much money as I do). I must fix stuff around her house, clean her car. I must answer her phone calls anytime of the day/night and listen to her complain for hours. I am not to do activities on my own. She has made it impossible for me to have single girls as friends.

I would not mind most of these impositions. However, she does not show strong commitment to me even after 16 months of dating. For instance, she refuses to list me in Facebook as a relationship (even when her whole family and close friends know me), she often goes out with single man to lunch or dinner by herself (a couple of them under her own admission old flames), she commits to activities like weekend gateways (going as far as getting tickets, hotels) before "inviting" me (it feels like she is telling me I am going even if you are not or oops! I know I should have told you sooner it is a shame you cannot change your work plans). She spends hours on the phone with an ex-boyfriend. She tells me that she used to buy groceries and cook for her old boyfriend every day. She has cook for me two times in 16 months (and btw, I was incredibly grateful).

Am I just a fool? or, is this the right of passage until we get engaged? I really thought that after 16 months she would show more commitment. Is she likely to change if we get engaged or should I expect more of the same?

Answer 1

I do not think she is committed at all, and if you do get engaged that will not change anything. You have to talk to her and tell her that she doesn't seem committed enough to take such a big step. If anything changes in a positive way then consider it, but for now just wait.

Answer 2

YES YOUR BEEN A FOOL. MAYBE I WOULDN'T BE CALLING U ONE, IF SHE WOULDN'T HAVE SAID THIS. "She expects me to act like a husband. I must pay for everything when we go out (she probably makes as much money as I do). I must fix stuff around her house, clean her car. I must answer her phone calls anytime of the day/night and listen to her complain for hours. I am not to do activities on my own. She has made it impossible for me to have single girls as friends."..

AND ALSO, WTF? YOU'VE ONLY BEEN DATING FOR 16 MONTHS. DO U KNOW AT WHAT AGE MAN ARE SOPPOSE TO BE GETTING MARRIED AT? THE AGE OF ******* 25-35. NO MORE THAN THAT. AIGHT? SO UR BEEN A ******* FOOL.

BE READY FOR HER TO START BITCHING WHEN SHE ******* SEE'S THIS.

Answer 3

it sounds like she is using u full hilt. And do u really think that if she has been like this for 16months then she is going to change after u buy her yet another thing? did she change when u bought her dinner? or when u cleaned her car? what makes u think that she will change after u fork out thousands of dollars for yet another present. she will just get worse. she will know that she has u completely hooked and she will get worse. not better

Answer 4

Get out of that relationship -now-. You are dating a control freak with ridiculous double-standards. She is taking advantage of you. If you don't get away from her right away, you'll regret it for the rest of your life.

Answer 5

She seems like a control freack. She sounds like she is gonna cheat on you..

Answer 6

Expect more of the same.