What would you do if your boyfriend's eyes glaze over during intelligent conversation (with a group)?

Question

If we are with a group of intelligent people who are truly and excitedly discussing something of high interest that everyone at the table more or less understands or can follow...the guy I'm dating sits there, eyes glazed over and sometimes looking angry. He never graduated high school and hasn't even gotten his GED, even though he'll be 40 in a couple of years...he is interested if we are talking about bathroom jokes, sex, heavy metal, or drugs...but intelligent stuff...well, he gets "bored" very quickly.

I guess the real question is: should I dump him?

The sex is good right now, but I really don't see me wanting to hop in bed with him 10, 15, 20 years from now if he seems so freaking dumb to me...there are plenty of other guys out there right now who are equally hot, good in bed, and able to understand a few complex subjects and participate...right?

Right?


I am fairly intelligent, confident, and pretty open and accepting. I have been with this guy for 3.5 years now and he refuses to study. He only likes watching TV. A lot. He has way more free time to devote to studying. I have gotten him to read and helped him with some math skills, etc., but it is ultimately up to him...he just won't follow through. I am busy studying and working.

I just feel like we have come to a fork in the road...and I am afraid to continue with him if it is getting less and less satisfying on a regular basis...then I'm afraid I won't find someone who is sensitive and loving and affectionate and sweet to me...packaged in as nice a container as he comes in. He is a "10." On the outside.

Answer 1

Oh god, man, I totally understand your perspective.

I am also a girl who enjoys being intellectually stimulated, and I only go after guys who make me think and have a quality character.



You won't be happy for long in this relationship, because as an intellectual, you have much more than physical needs-- you have a combination of mental and physical.



But if you think you can't find someone as "loving and affectionate and sweet", then you must conclude that you are content with him, no matter what he lacks.

Answer 2

You pretty much answered that question. 10 years from now, sex probably won't be as exciting and he'll still be on the sex, drugs and rock and roll plane. Most guys outgrow that scene somwhere in their 20s and if they don't, they either suppress those urges to move on in the business world or they are actually part of the sex, drugs, and rock and roll scene (think Steve Tyler from Aerosmith).



Maybe he doesn't want to expand his mind positively. He probably never liked school to begin with, and you can't make someone do something they don't want/like. Especially if they are not doing math as part of their life. No one wants to sit and do math problems if they don't have to or want to. You're barking up the wrong tree.



Find someone more compatible, don't waste any more of your or his time. If you think he seems "so freaking dumb" (btw that sounds dumb on your part), then he is. He's not going to turn into an articulate and compassionate, educated person overnight -or probably ever.

Answer 3

He's 40 and you think he'll change?



Monogamy is a compromise between the person and their physical appearance. Weighing what is really important to you is your job, but there are plenty of attractive, intelligent men out there.