My girlfriend of 14 months who lives with me says she needs closure from her ex to feel better. What 2 do?

Question

She says she has matured and feels bad about how she treated him in their relationship. She says she needs closure so she can be 100% in her mind about us. What to do?

Answer 1

Wow that's freaky. As I was reading your question, on the sitcom I'm watching, the guy said he needed CLOSURE. I forget how the episode goes, as I have seen it before, but I believe that closure is only necessary when a loved one dies, otherwise, the person should just move on, epecially if in a new relationship. I'd ask her, what do you mean by closure, a note of apology or do you mean you want to do it in person? If she says in person, tell her she can't. Usually this gives people the message that you want to get back together, also that is not right to see an ex if you are in a new relationship. If she writes a note/e-mail, she needs to make it clear that she is ONLY apologizing, she is living with someone and has no desire to get back together, just feels bad about stuff and that's all.

Answer 2

14 months and she STILL needs closure??



I think what she's feeling is regret at her past actions. She's reached a stage in her life where she's matured enough to realize past actions weren't all what they should have been.



One cannot go back in time and change the past.....the MOST she can do is apologize for her mistakes.



I, too, have done things in my past of which I am not proud and would change in a heart beat if I could. I actually thought of apologizing to people I've hurt, but always felt embarrassed to even attempt it.



Tell her that closure is that she grew from that......and she knows what to do in the present and the future. Her growing is far from over, with every year and every ounce of wisdom she will always feel she could have done something different.



She can't live her life on that basis. She just has to move on and be the best person she can be.....and hopefully treat YOU well.

Answer 3

sounds like she is still hung up about this guy... I mean either way if she is telling the truth about the whole issue of needing closure for treating him badly.... she should be hung up on you.... you have been seeing each other for over a year so it don't make sense just let her go before she breaks your heart of does the same thing that she is doing now but using a different excuse...."its not you its me"..... "I need time to think what I want"..... "you deserve better" Bottom line is that she shouldn't even be thinking of another guy even if she really did feel bad why the hell has this got to do with you and your relationship. Sounds like a crap excuse to finish you. Good luck hun and be strong if she is your first love.... well I am telling you there will be girls out there who will love you and not their "mistreated ex"



all the best to you sir



xx

Answer 4

Well, lemme define what closure is, especially when a girl is talking about it and she says she treated her Ex bad, It basically means that this girl first of all, is not over this dude because she has that inner guilt and the desire to make it right between her and her Ex,this means that she literally misses the way her ex used to love her, treat her right even though she was mean to him and everything and that means, this is haunting her back.So what she basically going to do is, going to re-unite with her Ex so that she can leave a better impression,(basically man, the reality is she is trying to make things better with her Ex in u know, Love kinda way), and this blv me will really be bad on ur side because whatever they had will be re-kindled and you will be out of the picture in no time.Am not saying this to get you worried or anything but this is just the truth and facts of life, so just remember in dat closure, there is still gonna be kissing and cuddling, and maybe lovemaking too(If she loves u alot, she won't do that) but the way am seein da situation, seems like she goin to do it.So all am saying is just embrace yourself and be strong because i don't think you going to like the outcome of that closure, only if you are luck and u made a great impact on her than her Ex did, if u didn;t believe me, its guaranteed that you going to be out of the picture of maybe you'll just have to be sharing her with her Ex.

Good luck son

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Answer 5

im a girl and i went through the same thing. i needed closure from a couple of my old boyfriends because i was still upset about how they treated me or about how i was towards them. it has NOTHING to do with her still having feelings for the guy. She probably just wants to clear her mind. I would advise you let her but tell her that you want to be kept in on what all happens and you want to hear the phone convo or if they meet up tell her you want to know where and when and you can even go to the place but just keep your distance. Tell her you trust her but the least she could do is that because its a hard thing to just let your gf who you really love go talk to her ex. if she really has good intensions then she wont have a problem with this.



I went and and had closure with a couple of my exs while with my long term bf. Now me and my man are married and i NEVER think about all my exs.

Answer 6

It's going to be pretty painful after breaking up with someone you love so much. It's inevitable that you're going to feel very down, sad and depressed. Sometimes it seems you spend every waking moment thinking about how to get your ex back. Try to visit this site in order to get the best benefit out of it https://tr.im/uE3vQ



Do a simple search, and you're bound to find a plethora of information, with a whole host of different opinions, sometimes seemingly off opposing viewpoints. To focus in on something that's going to help you, the first thing you think about is establishing some common courtesy.



First off, NEVER play mind games with people. This will only get people hurt and will probably end up worsening the situation. I only mention this because naturally people are ruled by their emotions rather than thinking their actions through thoroughly. Think the situation through before doing things based on your emotions. Remember, even if you do manage to get people to do what you want, this amounts to manipulation, and however good you feel now, I guarantee it won't last very long.

Answer 7

Her closure could mean plenty of things.



Sexual closure, physical closure, intimate closure etc.



What does she plan on doing when she confronts her ex? I really hope will only be talking involved.



Something is clearly odd about this situation, i think if she wants "closure" with her ex, then i suggest you be in the room with her b/c i don't trust her, this obviously sounds to fishy, they are "ex's" for a reason, she has no business with him if she's with you unless she has a kid with him IMO.

Answer 8

to me it sounds as if she isn't sure about where you two are, and this is her excuse to see if "the grass is greener on the other side of the fence".



I would try talking to her first about why she feels so strongly about getting "closure" almost 1.5 yrs later. Possibly turn the tables on her and venture with the "wouldn't that re-open old wounds"?



Find out from her what it was that she did that was so horrible in the first place the she feels "closure" is necessary now.



Good luck!!

Answer 9

Don't stress man. Closure probably means talking the situation out. You should let her talk to him you don't want her going into a relationship with you not knowing what she wants. That will only make further complications for you two.

Answer 10

Its tuff to tell. She really might need to her him say that its ok and that he is ok and forgives her so she can move on and be happy with u. But it also could mean she misses him and wants to see if there is any sparkles left to ignite the old flame. I could see if he did her wrong and she needed him to tell her the truth so she could fully let him go and move on but your saying she did him wrong. I would let her do what see needs to do and see how it plays out. A person is gonna do what they wanna do regardless so even if u attempt to block this from happening if she wants it to happen, its gonna happen. I hope the outcome is best for u. Whether u guys become closer after this or u go your seperate ways just know its meant to play out that way. Don't let whatever happens stop u.

Answer 11

what exactly does she mean by "closure"? if she means maybe giving dude a call and saying, "sorry for being such a *****", and leaving it at that, then ok. but the way you say it it seems like she means she wants to date him too to figure out which one of you guys she wants. and to that, i would tell her, "get on out the door for your closure, and don't let the door's closure hit you in the *** on the way".

Answer 12

i would show her the front door and close it after she left and change the locks. that's all the closure she needs. find yourself a brand new girlfriend one that doesn't need closure from a ex 14mths ago.

Answer 13

sounds like there ought to of been abuse interior the relationship. once you have a relationship with somebody pretty a marriage & there is abuse it relatively is totally difficult. it relatively is not any longer neccessarily the undeniable fact that she isn't over him. She would have some issues she desires to assert and get out of ways. i grew to become into married & in a severe abusive relationship. when I have been given out & have been given remarried my ex stated as abruptly sooner or later. He only stated as to start crap, yet there grew to become right into some issues that I were wanting to assert - I reported them & hung up. guy it felt stable. possibly she heavily desires to tell him that she is chuffed & ok and not mad at him. He in all risk won't care. in case you have faith her, permit her call him. in case you're weary of it, have her call him in case you're interior the room. I talked to my ex with my husband there reason I had no longer something to conceal. in specific circumstances you only have some thing that needs reported & till you're saying it you do no longer sense top and which would be with any relationship no longer in basic terms an ex.

Answer 14

it depends what kind of closure she needs... if its just talkin to him and apologizing then i(being a girl lol) would want to be able to apologize while having the trust of my current boyfriend... if its more than just talking then u should confront her about it and tell her u feel uncomfortable with her doing it.

Answer 15

let her do what she needs to do. if she just wants to make things right what's the big deal. is she planning on having sex with him? are you scared that they will get back together? it sounds like she feels bad about how she treated this guy and she just wants a chance to apologize.

Answer 16

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Answer 17

I think, if your relationship is based on trust and communication, there is nothing to worry about. Let her do what she has to do, and im sure everything will end up the way you want it. hope this helps.

Answer 18

WOW DUDE THAT DOESNT SOUND GOOD AT ALL. HOW IN THE HELLLL IS SHE LIVING WITH U FOR A YEAR AND TWO MONTHS AND SHES STILL NEEDING CLOUSURE FROM HER EX. SHE MUST STILL BE IN LOVE DUDE DAZ CRAZY. SHE SHOULD HAVE KEPT DAT TO HERSELF.

Answer 19

give her the time. the most important thing in a relationship is the peaceful feeling....

Answer 20

IGHT GO MURDA DAT SON OF A ***** N1GGA FÜCKIN GIT SOME A$$$ MILK AN MAK DAT N1GGA DRINK DAT SH1T AND SAY ***** YA GOT HERPIES IN YA A$$$ EVERYTIME YA FÜCK A N1GGA HE DIE FAST

Answer 21

let her. I did that too aactually. i told me ex boyfriend(who recently dumped me on the 6th) i wanted to be friends with my ex ex boyfriend. and it worked out. im glad him and i are friends. yeah my ex bf was like wtf? i told him about it and he's like okay. do you trust your gf? show her that you trust her

Answer 22

tell her you love her more than anything, and discuss sex and have fun!!!