i love this guy, but it's all gone down the pan.?

Question

I know this is a mouthful,I'm sorry.
Been talking to this guy online for a couple of months now.We're really close, and we tell each other everything.
About 6 weeks ago we were on the phone, and we were just about to go to bed and he came out with "i don't know what to do", so i responded with "about what?"
He didn't respond to that, he just said "i've got so much work to do and i cant concentrate"
I said "what are you getting at?" And he responded with "its you... you've taken over... i dunno" I said "well, taken over what??" and he said "well... you've not officially taken over...!" and i asked him to start making sense and he kept avoiding it and said goodnight to me (after practically crying down the phone caus' he didn't want me to go!)
And he keeps giving me lovely compliments, calling me "wonderful" and "lovely" and saying how much I mean to him and saying how much he misses me if we don't speak for a day...
he also wrote me a song and sent it to me as a gift.:) and sent 'lean on me" to me (the lyrics and the music video)
we used to sit up and talk for hours, and hours, hes asked me to go on holiday with him, he helps me plan easter egg hunts for the kids at a childrens centre i run, he helped me write my fundraising speech for my charity and we were even planning on studying together for our exams. not only that, we talked every day, without fail. He even said "You know I love you." (after I said he hated me, as a joke! we do it all the time.) i replied with "lies!" and he said "only when there's a Q in the month!" so I said "well... i love you too!" and he said "good to know!"
I uploaded some pictures of a day out me and my ex had, and then i uploaded some pictures of a night out me and my friend went on where i'd took some pictures of the random men we met. Then, all of a sudden, though, he seemed to stop talking to me.
The day after uploading the pictures of my ex, i text him like normal and he was barely even there. He stopped texting me halfway through the conversation, which isnt like him. It waslike he didn't even want to talk to me.
Then, he didnt speak to.me the day after. Or the day after. Then I text him, wondering if he was okay... and he didnt respond.
Then we didn't talk again for about 6 days, but then he spoke to me on Facebook chat. I asked him why i got no response and he said he'd responded (which is unusual, since ive never *not received* anything he sent me before. But not only that, he was really clipped and cut off... not his usual self.
I sent him a joke yesterday and he didn't reply for 5 and a half hours, and even then it was barely anything, and when i replied he didn't reply to that, either. Then, I found out (from his facebook profile, no less) that he had a new girlfriend (7 years younger than him), that he'd met in a bar and known for a week. He didnt tell me about her (even though i was his 'best friend' (or so he said) and i was so upset, so i messaged him and told him i loved him but had to delete him and not talk to him for a while, to get over him.
I blocked him everywhere so he had no chance to reply.
I don't understand why he's done this - i'm devastated.

Answer 1

You're well rid of him. He's a dreamer and an idealist and he plays mind games. He's invested not in you but in an image of you, and you shattered it with your photos.



On your part, though, I'd be interested in knowing what motivated you to do something like that if you were genuinely interested in him--did he ASK for these pictures? Why did you want to confront him with your experiences with other guys? Were you trying to make him jealous? If so, why? He's already asking you to go on holiday, and investing a lot of time and emotion in you. Not cool, Cupcake.



In that sense, you f u c k e d up. Confronting him with those pictures was at least insensitive, even cruel. A mature response would have been to tell you straight out that the pictures were hurtful. But instead he runs and jumps into the sack with another girl with apparently the deliberate intention of hurting you back. So if what you did was a bit insensitive, he's trumped it with a silly, childish, hopelessly romantic and embittered gesture which as far as I'm concerned qualifies him as a serious psychopath.



Now I don't know the context of this upload incident--and it may have been totally innocent on your part (though from the fact that you chose to include it as a watershed in the relationship, I think not)--but I can tell you straight out that if I had been that close, intimate, and up front with a woman, I would have been deeply hurt by the pictures. And if I started to feel as though I have been put off or played with, that might be enough to make me at least curtail any conversation until I could actually tell you how I felt without saying something hurtful.



I would not, however, jump immediately into the sack with some chica I met at a bar and plaster her new girlfriend status all over my Facebook page. But then, I'm a mature and forthright person, not a hopelessly dreaming romantic psychopath.



Sorry if this sounds a little harsh. I really don't think you should have uploaded those pictures (if I'm wrong about the context, then I apologize). But all in all, you're better off without this schlump.



Oh, one other thing--I would bet good money that this joker makes a big distinction between romance and sex. And that's never good for a relationship.

Answer 2

I think that when you marry someone for better or for worse, the part about loving and honoring comes into play also. Hitting your partner/spouse is not honoring them it is intimidation at its peak. Verbally and/or mentally abusing your spouse is not real honorable either, (this goes for both or either sexes). So for better or for worse is out the window because we dont get to pick and choose our vows, unless we write them ourselves and in that case hardly anyone writes in there vows that they will put up with or lovingly accept being treated without dignity by their partner. I think that you are young and if you take care of yourself and find out why you are in such an abusive relationship (you could be abusive too, I dont know or you may already know and have changed but....) and take the steps to change you can have a great life. But, I dont know if that life will include your present husband or not, sometimes both people change if there is enough love and want but I dont see it often. If you leave, inform some safe friends ahead of time so they can help and realize that violent relationships can have violent endings so please, please be real careful......gl....sandra Personally, although I am married due to a rather large amount of booze on both our parts, especially mine cuz I am small, (we only knew each other 14 hours, dont party single in Reno, cuz it does not always stay there) and we are struggling to not kill each other (not physically just a few age differences, he is 10 years younger than me) and see if we can salvage a relationship out of it (there is a great attraction to each other), I think marriage is way out dated. P.S. about the other guy.........as most have said..........it will only cause you a lot more strife in your life right now.......until you are safely out of the one you are in, you should not try to get involved in another, it can cause a lot more negative things to happen and the outcome could be to your detriment. If he happens to be the one, he will be there when you are ready to start fresh, take care of yourself no matter what though.

Answer 3

I suppose I can understand a little why he would be pissed off at you posting up pics of your ex.



On the other hand, he can't concentrate on his work because of you and was crying down the phone because he didn't want to sto talking to you???

Seriously, this sounds more like obsession than love.

That's unhealthy and a sign that someone may be slightly crackpot.



To be honest, it's probably turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

There's someone out there for everyone, he wasn't the one for you.

Just think of it as a good thing - now he's out of your life, it leaves room for Mr. Right to come into it!

Answer 4

He was though with you the second he saw the pictures of you and your ex and then pictures of other men too. It sounds like he was really getting serious about you but when you put them pictures out there he felt you weren't so he found a woman to distract him from his feelings for you.



You blew it. Learn the Lesson and move on.

For every action there is an equal opposite reaction.

Answer 5

So you waited how long to upload pictures of your ex?



If I were with someone who waited over a month into us hanging out to post pics of them and their ex I would be ridiculously jealous. I would take it as a hint that they didn't want anything with me so I would find someone else too.



It is possible that you hurt him enough that this new girl is a fling to make you jealous.



Posting pictures of exes is probably not the smartest idea... best of luck...

Answer 6

Guys suck, let's face it.