Boyfriend Texted The Ex-Girlfriend, Please Give Me Your Honest Opinion.?

Question

I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now. About 7 months ago I snooped around on my boyfriend's computer history and found that he had been searching for his ex-girlfriend on Facebook and Myspace. I confronted him about it and asked him why he did it? He said he was just curious and that he didn't still care for her.

I decided to further investigate and looked at his phone records (he gave me his password) and it turns out that he had texted her in the middle of January (2009, about 7 months ago). I asked him why he was texting her? He said that he had found out that she had slept with his best friend (who is now an acquaintance) after they had broken up. I asked him why he is concerning himself with who she slept with and he said it was because he never expected that from her. Then I asked why he didn't ask his best friend. He answered because they weren't that close anymore and that he also didn't trust his friend's answer. There was about 6 texts between the two of them on the bill.

This has been haunting our relationship for months now, I can't get over it. We talk about it a lot; whenever it is bugging me. He says he will keep talking about it until I feel better.

About 3 days ago he texted me and said one night when he was drunk he had texted his text his ex-girlfriend (the same one from before) that he thought they were going to hook up after she got her boob job. He said that they never did and that he felt stupid and regretted saying it. He also said that he was really insecure and mad at me at the time and that he was really sorry. He also said that he just wanted me to trust him and that was the reason why he told me. He had texted her that at the end of January (2009) right after the other texts. He only texted her 1 text and she texted him back about 4 times and he didn't answer them back (according to his bill).

I told him I couldn't believe that he had intentions to cheat on me and broke up with him. He said that he would never have hooked up with her, he just did it to hurt me. I'm still communicating with him. I said some mean things to him and was rubbing his nose in his mistake because I wanted him to hurt like I was hurting. However I can appreciate his honesty, but it is very had to appreciate the honesty through the hurt.

Whenever I bring up these incidents he always brings up things that I have done. I kissed my best friend (who is gay) while we were together. He always holds that against me saying you kissed another guy and I always respond, "He is GAY, I had no intention to go further unlike you."

To be honest a certain part of me trusts him and believes him, but then another part of me says that I would be disrespecting myself and condoning his behavior if I stay with him.

What do you think? Thank you for your responses.

Answer 1

Dude, you're LUCKY to have a guy who will tell you the truth. You're LUCKY to have a guy who will put up with your bullshit asking about his ex over and over again. Do you know how many guys would get pissed at you? Your roles are all reversed. I read it and *I* got angry. I never get angry. o_o



However, I will try to help you calmly.



He wants you to trust him. Look what he did to do that. It takes a lot of guts to tell the truth to ANYONE. Especially the people you love. It's not like he did end up cheating on you.



Think about it in his place. How would you have felt if you dumped him, got a new boyfriend, and the same thing happened, and you really DID feel stupid, but your boyfriend was so angry at you? If there's one thing I know, it's that anybody can get *really frustrated* when they're telling the truth and nobody believes them. How would you feel that your own boyfriend didn't trust you?



You need to think about it. Toss your anger aside (Because it always causes your judgments to be biased.) and go over it logically. You two are playing a stupid game, trying to make the other one feel the pain that you were feeling. It's stupid, pointless, and will get you nowhere. Sure, he was wrong in doing that, but you're wrong too. You're both wrong. And everybody is wrong once in a while, and you're going to have to get over it, because that's life for you.



Furthermore, always. give. second. chances. DO *NOT* GIVE ANYMORE. Judging by what you said, you two get along really well, and it sounds like everything has been fine up until then.



He seems like a great guy. He didn't sleep with her, he didn't actually hook up with her, and he didn't respond to her texts.



Oh, and the easiest way to start is to say sorry. Just saying, cause you might need it. .__.

Answer 2

If your going to forgive him, your going to have to forgive him completely, you cannot keep bringing it up if You have chosen to forgive him. I know I repeated myself 3 times just now, but sometimes people don't understand what forgiving a person really means. If you know your not over it, and you wont be able to let it go, then you both need to figure out your relationship. Because personally I would not want to stay in a relationship where I will be arguing about the same situation over and over again. Obviously you don't completely trust him at this point, and your hurt by that, but I really think you either should leave it in the past, or move on with your future apart from eachother. two wrongs don't make a right, and one wrong can lead you to where you are today. I understand your friend is gay, but that doesnt mean you can mess around with him and think its ok. You still kissed someone other than your boyfriend honey, end of story. GoodLuck

Answer 3

I think you should stay with him! He sounds like he does care for you and he was honest and he apologized. If he does something like that over and over again then you should break it off but since he only did that once you should forgive him and move on. Don't bring that up anymore cuz all that's doing is hurting you're relationship. Humans make mistakes and he is human. Just make sure you make it clear to him that he shouldn't do that anymore or it's over. Good luck!!!