Working to mend a relationship after difficult times-long/complicated story to explain, mature advice please.?

Question

Please be considerate in your answer, thanks. I'm 25, my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years is 26, and it's been mostly wonderful, but very hard lately. Most problems in our relationship stem from things in my life, which has been messy and ugly for the majority. I've battled depression, alcohol/drugs, family problems, etc. I went from being an independent and successful woman to depressed and broke about 6 months into our relationship. My job of 7 years had gone bad, and he helped me financially and was a great support. A few months ago in a drunken night his friend and I kissed, (that's all) never happened before (or will again), has was devastated and I felt terrible. A month later we found out I was 15 weeks pregnant, though on birth control. I had an abortion for health reasons of the fetus. He gave little emotional support, and I'm so hurt I don't know how to forgive him. We need more than counseling to get back our relationship, but I don't know where to start. My heart hurts.

Answer 1

Counseling is a start.........I am not sure if you are going now or not but it does help. It allows everyone to voice their feelings in an organized manner. Abortion is a difficult situation for both parties. Alot of couples do not make it through that ...............not to say that you will not, but professional help is the way to go here. Kissing his friend also adds damage (was it before or after the abortion?). Sometimes relationships are not meant to be..........it doesn't take any of the hurt or pain away though. First the two of you need to sit down and have a serious talk, figure out if there is anything left to salvage, and go from there. He may not want to work it out, but doesn't know how to say it, and if that is the case you are putting yourself through alot of pain and heartache when you could be working on yourself and moving on. Working on yourself isn't a bad idea, anyway. You have had a lot going on lately. Maybe counseling for yourself would help too. A relationship cannot be just one party giving and he has given alot it sounds like. Maybe it is your turn to do the giving and fix things. He maybe tired of the stress from the relationship. I hope things work out either way for you.

Answer 2

Making a relationship work ? In my experience my longest relationship is 43 years so I think I must be doing something right. This is working for me, it might for you too. 1. Love and respect for each other, treat your partner the same way as you expect to be treated 2. Loyalty, trustworthy, and reliability 3. Honesty at all times, lies will find you out and end your relationship.Remember there is always an answer together. 4. Space in your life to do your own thing and pursue your own interests regularly, don't question but be interested. 5. Maintaining your past friendships and keeping in touch. 6. Family ties strengthened and regular contact with both sides of the family. 7. NO room for jealousy, if your partner has a few admirers, isn't that a good reflection on yourself for a good choice. 8. Talk often. Communication is the best thing, if you have any worries, anything that is bothering you, beit people or things, money,whatever it is,find a solution together, if not seek professional help.Everyone has different needs, compromise if you cannot reach agreement 9. Always find time for those special intimate moments, courting all over again and always keep your relationship alive by surprize gifts and trips away. 10. Don't let youself go, be at your best at all times, never run your partner down in company, even if its only a joke !

Answer 3

May be he wasn't convinced inside that the baby you were carrying was his? Perhaps being a male he just didn't know what to do. Women grieve differently than men. And perhaps he just didn't know what you need. I am sure in his defense that he is also upset that things are not looking good for the both of you. I suggest you sit down together and decide if you both want to remain together. If you are both willing then you can start talking about what has happened recently to cause you both such sorrow. If he turns around and says that he just doesn't want to be together any longer then you need to sort out how to go separate ways. There is always a light at the end of a dark tunnel so dont give up looking for it.

Answer 4

please dont think im being mean or anything, but you did hurt him a hell of a lot by kissing his friend.. it doesnt matter if its a kiss or more, its still cheating. He might not be helping you through your bad patch because he feels, you dont feel that bad for what you did with his best friend. you have broken his trust.But with help, you can change that!if he is willing to work on the relationship,then he obviously still loves you and wants it to work.The therapy is a really good start.You need to be open with him, and tell him everything you just told us.

Answer 5

Well considering you're a mess and he's supported you this long he's probably getting tired of putting up with it. If he was asking for advice I'd tell him to just move on and find someone who has much more respect for themselves and those around them, and is thusly more stable. Anyone who gets drunk and makes out with random people ain't worth it in my book.



But if this saint of a man is willing to try and save your relationship then definitely seek professional counseling. God bless him if he stays with you.

Answer 6

im 26 with similar experiences

what i did was went back to when we first met and reminded him of all the fun and memorable times that we have shared

this made us feel stupid for fighting over something so silly



what you need to do is ask him if he still loves you

and tell him just what he means to you



maybe he didn't want you to have the abortion and his hurting

maybe you both need to forgive each other

Answer 7

Ask your Dr. to refer you to a professional. With all of your previous problems, the abortion and your relationship with him doesn't help. Get help and help yourself. Best wishes!

Answer 8

you should talk to your local priest or to a counselor . It.s a lot of things to go through but it seems the latter one was juust to much for you r bf

Answer 9

That was melancholic story indeed,but you should take in to account that every one of us ,by hook or crook are forced to be imerced in to relatively hard or whatever kinds of problems. I don't mean that your problem is easy,but you shuld take it easy.