some time back -a similar thing happened to me-- i didn't know what to do--so i said nothing-and eventually i lost the girl--he was a loser realy--i though tthe girl would see it--in hindsih\ght-mayb eshe was bored or slowly turned-
if you like hte girl and want to keep going -- just ask her waht the f she is doing-- ask hewr staraight up if she interested-if she say no- say ok- stop the f ing game- it p in g me off---if she dont- she plying you - if the guy istough-- or what ever-and bother her-or you ave had enough- smack him- i fhe beats you -who cares-- she will decide- if you smack him-and she stands up for hm- smack him again-- see whiuch way she runs--
howevr---don't mistake friend flirting with a go for it guy-
finally jst walk up to her-- just teller - in fronyt of him- that yu need to taslk watch her reaction--and if e makes a face and she goes smiles with hm-just say fu k it -dump her
cheers
to continue -since your message
my apologies--(really) there was something i missed -i did not know it was so involved-(children and all- ) i shall go back to my original message and amend it- and even though opinions are simply that-especially when compared to being in the situation.perhaps there is a better angle--it will depend on a few things and how you judge them--- when you say not get hurt---i am assuming you mean physically or mentally through a man losing face and seeking some sort of pay back-even if it is just to annoy and cause any type of damage mental or physical--it is also obvious that there is some trepidation(anxiety about confrontation) with this person--and they also seem quite brazen(agressive and pushy) in action-- well perhaps there is other angles- i will paste this on the other and continue on the page in the answer section--
hey but these are just thoughts-basicaly as you know its your call
if assuming all is on the level here--and with no offense intended--the outline i see in general surroundings(and ,as said if this is up and up-i'm not disin you)
ok i think what it is a 2 year relationship--maybe since 15's to 17's (beginning of high school end of junior somewhere around there.i also assume you have been at the same school -area and hang outs within those times.it also seems you have grown up in street terms preety fast-or you like to play the scene.which is cool---but it also has diffrent rules and bonds.
my question of -the truth is just because of little things-- how come you use the u in typing etc--but your general syntax is not the best.however-even though its a shorthand type trick--its probably from phone msgs-but i digress
f k it -
my call would be to avoid a hassle in the sense of a direct challange--maybe that is what he (or maybe they) want-- first of how you know this guy? and whare did the initial first contact and knowing stem from was it he and her or you and him-?-
if it is he and her-- am nothing in the sense of bonding has gone on between you two--then you are of no concern to him--actually you don't really even count or exist.
if there was some interaction between you two--was it just to get close to the girl or was it a fallling out between you two- or was it just more like "oh yeah hey man ,how you doing? --an then as you answer--he turns away back to the girl.
does he think or know you may be a little doubtful of a challange? does he care--? is he smooth or slick or sick?or hard or condescending-- i'd say probably smooth and abit condescending(looks down on people cos he thinks he is cool or hard or the best etc) and arrogant
i am sure you are frustrated(very)--angry and pent up emotions -- now why? cos he is hitting on the girl -your girl? is he harrassing her in her face?
judging from what i think is the genral school atmosphere--a trip to the principle or anything is not going to do sh it.
lower middle class or down or going down-(no offense meant-- and if i;m wrong -apologies)
if this is the case - a place of bravado--posturing and bit of a constant poker game --to see whats up -and what is around.
but lets get back to the question--how does he get to be so close ? because you don't challange? don't think so--that's not the call-- cos she played with him in a young flirty way --when he first gave her attention? is that it? maybe--it happens--its not a crime--to most it is just fun -but some who are involved(like this guy) can get to into it an dturnit into something not so cool or good--but at he begiinning it was flattering(understandable at a high school)-- but now it is out of hand --yet he s still playing the cards and pushing the zone
I think you have to play him--like a good card game-- can't lose your cool--and it's silly to fold.when you know the pot is and has always been yours.so why does he keep playing? cos he wants to take the whole booty--he can't do that -unless he takes it by force and spends it quickly and hard-- i think he keeps playing--cos even though he knows he can't win the pot--he figures -just keep playing- wear the guy down--take a piece there a bit here- a grab there-
-he wants to frustrate the other player(you) lead him open to making a mistaken or a poor call--so that maybe you or someone makes a crazy play or folds and then you mess the game off
and he wins the pot --not becasue he knew he could win-but he just didn't know how to stop playing the game.
and even if you made a direct or hard high call.this guy will go for it--he 's got nothing to lose-- the money is lost-- so make the winner feel like hell- attack the game in another way hurt the pot -and the player is what he wants
sorry about my card analagy--but i like it you are the better player--or like a boxer -better fighter--but somehow this new kid on the block comes wanting a fight and he is frustrting the crap out of you ---he keeps dodging and jabbing and avoiding a direct confrontation-- he wants your guard down(we haved moved to sport analagies now).this is not his fight to win --but it s your fight to lose. he's out boxing you-cos you don't now how to box this guy or play the card games he keeps callng.
well change it--take back the cards and the ring--and knock the guy flying--not with power or hits -but with a statagy
first of the hitting on your girl is a major ps off--but that i thinks not what is relly geting you--it goes deeper--he's in your space--he's crowding your style your flair your moves - your girl
however -you can't just goin there and say move--he'll jst say wht the fu? and then come harder --how the fu are you?--can't work. so take you and the girl out of it--let him start fighting
anyway he's too week too -no stamina -no power-- only hustle and false belief.
figure out where the hits are taking place most often--whoo is around and t etimes -- where is he coming fom--whee is she coming from going and same to you. now two fighter s against onea re even better --3 0-is great 4 is a pounding.get your child into the picture.change your activiies or get some if you got none--split his field of vision.
don't try the WE ARE A PAIR ROUTE- it's a natural defense but a weak one.to find something inte school or outside to becomea member of or volunteer at-esecailly some sort of place he would not be welcome or would note comfortable-- a women's health centre,and ol folks home, a female study group, a female butch sport team, an assisstan t to a powerful or no sh t teacher(especially a woman), a volunteer at arape crisis centre,something that pulls your girl out of wht was once her space and he has now invaded(likea friend who cmes around to borrow a glass - and then sits down to watch tv --then put s theglaass down lean sback00 happpens afew times - ten he bings food -an dno glas then he takes the remote --then he's cooking--them he's telling you clean te table -thene's sittingwatching hte tv and your cleaning his dishes ofhe food you just cooked and he wants to borrow somemone to goout--and ou giv eit tohm so you can have your house back-he goes out--and you lok aqround--and you realse - this is n't even your house now--it s his--that is exactly has happened. to your girl-her space ha sbeen overshadowe by his constant entering - so instead if fighting it-just dump it --move to a better spavce which is hard for him to enter.
you get something smilar--but directly with her--get busy -- lketraining-but tr to get something in the same style --volunteer--something you can share or meaybe interat wiith togehr -evn though differant forms.
it is time for you to move out of his space-and stop tryigto throw his *** out--he's a squater-- hard to move e likes it--**** it--let him have it---get something more comfortableforyou two--sto thinking about him all the time-- its he who doesn't count-not you--make it so, box himout of the ring. dazzzle himwith style and class and speed and power- i'mnot shitting you- he'll get bewildered - try to catch his bearings-then take him out-- call him--he'll fold- he doesn' have the deal anymore-- or hell throw inthe towel-he may make one last charge-but it'll be aweak desperate sttempt-maybe a low blow or card up te sleeve-- don't take the bate- he'll habe to re group---and re train-- by thattime - things will have moved on
also if youse them togehher -don't ty to force your way bck into his space-- jst catch up eith your girl-- make someplans(withut to specific-- tlk some stuff and then move on let him sit there and move forward- it'll catch him of guard--he'll think you've given--but if your girlis relxed about it-he'll want to do the victory dance-- butsomething ain't quite right--he's not sure whqt has hapened--he-may ty domethiung--yourgirl -- tlk to him if she cana lttle bit like are you for rel--eg c'm on man- i'm a mother---mae her keep you as an exuse further back dow the line--you are aneasy thing to rebound of for him-but a child- mothers resposibilty--he rvolunteer work is gettinghim into a corner-- getiing him off guard--
sand she is a mothe rdamn it-- and your a father--then afte ryou done this a few times-- (make sure te kid;s name is dropped inconversation onc ein awhle) he will start o have associations - it'l give hime more to tink aout--althis will soften him-
anyway--keep it up-- and then inconveration-meet upwith your girl -an djust mention emily' sname and just say somethinglikewhen we tqking her toi the ditors orsimilar-- -you have now rawn him aother fighter -the family- one he had not seen or cared bout--get that done- then later -bring em in---andsomehow make it so one of youisletting t eothe rtakecareof her -hwhilkeyou do something fo what evr.also stop attackg hm--whenyou have thebay-noit your girl anbringit in-- ask him toihold her for asecond-- he'll say what-just sayc;mon i got to toe up my shoe- thies ill soin him-- you now just pulle dhiminto a connection to yu two--- the low blows ar eot so much-- keep this up-- keep it going==- get slowly focused--pulll your lives outof your invaded space - start moving it around especaily to places which arehard forhim to enter--stop fighinghimin wht was once yours but now obviously his(the space that)as you move out bit by bit-and start opening u new space makit a bit fragmented so ther is no one space he cnjumpinto--and then slowly connect back into each othe a sone--- keep building -- connecting--building bigger connecting (blocking) outside his area of control- bring it child -- mab efamly -friends -for small things--don't attack lower his defensed get stringer--the mother thing-the casual talk but not hanging calanging-- waekenhis resolve-- he won't admit--buti'll start to make him weaken-- get closer you andyour girl anfd fmily an d friends-- slowly let him fade and standhis area but go ntoit less-connec t and connect-- don't challange-- don't give oportunity- build it- thenhave a lettleparty -maybe he kows-- make it specail occasionfor some reson---make it some good friemnds-
get the ones closest involved --he'll be there you are connected-- then knock him out- ask your girltomarry yoiu- boom boom boom he's out! just make sure she says yes!
ps ( youcanlan it for a few years down the line- don't matter-he's down he's out-- and he won't know what thefuck hit him-- but it will hard-- cos no matter whatmost peoplecansee atruth even if they don't want to-- he should be able to see his patheticnes and smallness-and wekness-- and i amsure he will now other scan --especially if nothig is said- he'll go into retirement- and you will have learnt how to fight like a champion should- with style and control and purpose -and on your terms and ground.
well thta's my take-- maybe its crap- bt
that is my best shot
either way
don't fall into his figh tplan-do what feels right--its your call -fight-- and your girl! fight to win. this is for your family-theones you love
good luck
notsure if that sounds good or bad-
but idf i culd go back
i know that is the way i should of done it
but we learn from mistakes.
and grow with our vitories
cheers
ding ding ding
round 1